[ Akashi lives outside of town... so maybe those fields she speaks of aren't that far from where he is.
It's fortunate there wasn't much he was doing when she contacts him. He was just reading a book - a new one he's picked up for leisure. Maybe he'll bring it with him when he goes to her. Something to lend her, since he doesn't find the story all that bad. ]
Send me an image.
[ I will be with you soon is a thought that doesn't make it to the other end of the transmission, but he's already putting shoes on and his coat before he goes out to get his horse. It will be faster that way. ]
[ She does. There's a clear and obvious patch of dead grass around her, but it's easy to see what side of the city she's outside of since she faces it to make it easier to find her. ]
[ He never really imagined he would ever get this worried over a friend, but here he is now. He wants to go to her and be with her and ask what happened and make her feel better. Akashi, this one, had forgone team play in exchange for victory. He didn't need friends or teammates; what he needed then were tools and pawns. And despite the foreign circumstance, he doesn't find it at all laughable.
Akashi takes Yukimaru so he can get to where Emerald is faster. There's a bit of snow out and it's cold, so he brought an extra coat with him just in case she wasn't wearing one. He doesn't really know what caused her to seem so downcast, but something must have happened between her and Mercury if it's affected her in this way.
It's about ten to fifteen minutes later when Akashi finds her, and he gets off Yukimaru once she's a few feet away. ]
[ She's wearing the sweater he got her for Christmas, at least. Not a full coat, even though it's pretty cold, but that was what she was wearing when she brought the building down so it's one of the most in tact things she has. There were a few other items she managed to rescue from the rubble, in various states.
Akashi will likely notice that her eyes are puffy, like she's been crying and wiping her eyes. She gives him an equally amused and exasperated look. ]
I can't believe you actually rode out here on a white horse.
[ How many days has it been since you washed that sweater, Emerald... ]
There are a lot of things unbelievable about me.
[ Now that he's in front of her, though, he's not really sure what to do first. She looks terrible, and as much as he feels bad that she's in this condition, he feels pretty glad that she contacted him. ]
Let's look for a place to sit down.
[ She said she'd been walking, after all. Though before he brings her elsewhere, he takes a step closer so he can wrap his arms around her and bring her some comfort. Akashi is not at all the best hugger in the world, but he is trying. ]
[ She washed it!! she does have clothing on underneath it, it's not like she can't take it off and wash it. There's no debris on it or anything, gosh.
Luckily, Emerald doesn't really expect anything. She just wanted to see him because he's important to her. He needs to be okay, and she needs to be around him. And apologize for ruining the building he once called home. That she did call home.
He doesn't need to do anything. She doesn't even know how to really respond to the hug at first, taking a few seconds before reaching up and holding onto the back of his shirt, pressing her forehead against his shoulder. She hopes he's going to let her stay there for a moment because she's going to start crying. Right now was not the best moment for her first real hug- one that didn't happen while he thought she was her mom, or because she was told to dance with Mercury, or whatever circumstance that wasn't just because someone wanted to hug her. ]
[ She can stay, but they'll have to move eventually. They should before it gets dark. It might be unsafe here. There could be farmers who own this land that they are trespassing into. In any case, this isn't where Emerald should be. ]
Did he hurt you?
[ Akashi is definitely no match for anybody from Emerald's world, but they're friends. He protects the people he cares about, and it's not like he has a good opinion of Mercury in the first place. Emerald hasn't really said much about him—her stories mostly revolved around Cinder—but Akashi's come to the conclusion that Cinder and Mercury are the same. They're both keeping Emerald locked in a cage. He doesn't like it. Had he made the connection when he met him, then he would have said something about Emerald's situation. He would have done something. ]
[ That just sounds ridiculous to her enough that it almost shocks her out of crying. She wipes her eyes before pulling back. ]
I broke down and I brought the building with me. Mercury saved me, he wouldn't hurt me.
[ Not in any way that Emerald couldn't handle or throw right back at him anyway. Never seriously, and he wouldn't purposely make her cry (piss her off, sure, not cry). ]
Cinder's.. [ It's been a couple of days, she should be able to say it now, but her throat closes up. The light snow starts coming down as more of a gross slush instead of a light powder. ]
[ Perhaps Akashi doesn't notice it himself, but he grits his teeth with his mouth closed when Emerald clarifies. Does she think he wouldn't hurt her, or would he actually do it if it came down to it? He doesn't trust him. Not as much as Emerald apparently does. He probably never would. ]
What?
[ Something bad happened enough to cause her grief, but whatever it is that Cinder did or didn't do or said— well, whatever. Emerald needs to say it or else Akashi won't know. ]
[ The words don't feel real when they come out of her lips. She had no idea why Akashi seemed to think Mercury would hurt her, but her focus is on the reality once again that she has managed to lose two homes at once: the family she believes Cinder was for her and the more literal home, the proof of what she was able to build and be on her own in Empatheias, in one fell swoop. She lost a lot in those three small words and whatever Akashi thinks of Cinder, whatever Mercury thinks of Cinder, it won't change that Emerald is devastated. ]
His shoulders slump a little, but he's not really sure what to feel. Empathy is definitely not there, and he can't bring it in himself to sympathise when he doesn't have a good opinion of a person whom he's never met. Probably never will.
Still, it's made Emerald upset (understatement), and he wants to remedy that. ]
I'm sorry to hear that.
[ He's not really sure what to say beyond that. He's normally the one trampling on people's hopes and dreams, not building them. ]
[ There really isn't. There's nothing she can do either. It's done, and she doesn't even remember it. But she believes Mercury. There's plenty he would screw with her about, but not this. Not only does he trust him not to, but he would've gotten bored with this by now if it hadn't been a lie. ]
I don't know what to do. She's the only family I've ever had.
[ Her voice is quiet when she says that, if only because she's trying to stay brave and not start crying again. There's plenty of anger and confusion and it's dizzying- everything's dizzying. Akashi's the only person she'd call a friend, she doesn't know what calling him was supposed to do but she wanted him here. She doesn't know anything he can do though. ]
[ Akashi has... a bigger family, at least, but his mother was his sun and moon and everything in between. Losing her hurt a lot, but he had no time to grieve. Not when his father pushed him deeper into the darkness and gave him more things to do. An Akashi has no time to wallow in the past.
Emerald does, though. She doesn't need more reasons to be broken. ]
I'll just be here, then. For when you need me to do something. We're not family, [ Back then, they made it clear that they weren't friends, either. ] but I'll be here.
[ Emeralds breath quickens. She doesn't even know what to do. She can't stop hurting. Every time things get better, they get worse. Every time she gains, she loses. Every time she's down, she gets kicked further. That's her entire life. She'd thought this was over. And now she doesn't have anything to go home to.
Emerald pulls back away from Akashi to turn away, yelling in frustration. The dirt in the field fissures for about ten feet in front of her, the ground around it rapidly turning to mudcrack. ]
What's the point of any of these, Seijuro?! It never stops, and when I finally found something, she--
[ Her voice cracks. She sounds desperate and tired and she doesn't know what to do. ]
[ The truth of the matter is, he doesn't really know how to help her. His thoughts are telling him to tell her to abandon what she believes in and make something for herself, but he can't bring himself to do so. ]
You can be upset, but you will need to keep moving eventually. The loss of somebody important [ Or loss in general, really... ] isn't the end.
[ He once thought it was. He had to fight his father just to be able to keep playing basketball. It's not the same, though. He has other chances to reclaim what he's lost. Life is not something you can just get back.
His mother would be alive again, were that the case. ]
[ Mercury doesn't know how to grieve. Emerald doesn't know how to grieve. This meant that Akashi was the closest thing she had to a guide for how she was supposed to do this. Move on isn't what she wanted to hear, especially from someone who made her promise not to leave him a week ago after his girlfriend left the world, but she accepts it. She doesn't know how to do it, but it's the same thing she got from Mercury, even if his words weren't so direct. The world doesn't stop because it feels like yours did. ]
No, but I thought she'd live longer than that. She's not that much older than we are. Is it wrong to want the person who cares for you to live longer than that?
[ Akashi wasn't allowed to grieve. He was told to move on right away. All Akashi is saying is that she can be upset, but she will have to keep moving, anyway. She can't be sad forever.
At the very least, she's given time to take it all in and be sad about it. Akashi never had that privilege. ]
It's not wrong. My mother was the same - I believe she was still in her thirties when she passed. That was not enough time to be alive. [ It sucks, and it's unfair how she fell ill and her body gave up because of it. His mother should have lived longer. She should still be with the Akashi family now, taking care of her son. It's unfortunate that that isn't the case. ] I was only ten.
I think about how my father could get ill any time. If he passed, I would be upset for a time, but I wouldn't dwell on it. He never allowed me to when it came to mother.
[ And a part of him doesn't want to mourn the loss of his father, of all people. ]
[ Because it doesn't seem like she's counting her experiences here, too. He's already made it known to her that he considers her important in his life. He was called here and he thinks he's important in hers, too, but maybe she doesn't think so. ]
I don't mean to make it sound like I don't care about what happened. I'm sorry that happened to you, but I don't want you to break the same way I did.
[ She does. She thinks he's very important, and only a week ago she told him she wouldn't leave. It's not a promise she knows how to keep though, since no one seems to know how or why people disappear from this place. Really, they don't even know if they actually go home or if they just go missing or get swallowed up by the earth or god knows what.
She finally turns around to properly look at him. She's tired, exhausted, her eyes are still wet and she just says it simply: ]
I won't break.
[ She can't break. There's no room for her to break. ]
He feels his heart sink some when Emerald asks that. He doesn't know how to answer it, and it's probably something that doesn't need a response. A part of him even wants to leave now as the fear of being left behind hits him again. ]
... we should go back now.
[ If she lets him, he'll take her hand so he can get ready to guide her up Yukimaru. Before anything else though, he hands her the extra coat he brought and gives her his handkerchief. ]
[ She knows that he has to know that it's not a promise she could keep, and she made it anyway which.. for her, that's big. She hates making promises she can't keep, even if she wants to. She knows he can't either, so it's a rare thing to ask to be lied to.
Right now she wants to hear it. He never said he wouldn't leave her, he just made her say it. For the moment, it seems almost like she didn't hear the question about the milk. ]
Mine wasn't a lie- I don't know how to make it happen, but if it's my choice I won't. But it's okay to lie to me if you have to. Right now, I just...
[ She wants to hear it. It has nothing to do with what she thinks is going to happen, what she thinks is possible, what she knows is waiting for her and Mercury. She just wants something to hold onto. ]
[ Akashi says it quickly, as if he didn't even think about it. This has been on his mind for some time now, though. He asked her to stay without even saying he would do the same, but... it should go without saying, shouldn't it?
He's learned his lesson, though. He made impossible promises to Miu, which was why her departure was so painful. Not only did he lose somebody he loves, but he broke a vow. ]
I won't leave. Not willingly.
[ Emerald is important to him. She's. . . He can't even begin to explain it. She's a friend, but he cares for her the same way he does (did?) Miu. He wants to see her happy and make sure she's alright. When she's sad like this, he's sad too. A little angry, but the anger is directed at the cause of what made her upset in the first place. ]
[ Those are perhaps three words she never says to anyone. She stays quiet for a few more moments, then steps a little closer. She's never had anyone say that they would stay just for her. Even Cinder it was always a contingency. She had to work to be kept, not just.. promise to stay. Emerald doesn't know how she feels about Akashi at all; it's confusing and new and terrifying because while she believes him, trusting the world itself is harder. The world always screws her over, one way or the other. ]
I want milk.
[ It's almost like a weird concession that she'll let him take care of her, rather than anything to actually do with the literal milk that will undoubtedly be involved. ]
[ Asking if she wanted milk was just his way of asking if she wanted him to take care of her for now. He's not sure if he can let Emerald sleep in his room the same way she did when Miu disappeared though. He's sure to get an earful from Midorima... Mayuzumi and Kuroko. . . He's not sure what they would say. He'll figure out what Emerald wants later on. ]
Come on, then. I'll put some vanilla extract in it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's fortunate there wasn't much he was doing when she contacts him. He was just reading a book - a new one he's picked up for leisure. Maybe he'll bring it with him when he goes to her. Something to lend her, since he doesn't find the story all that bad. ]
Send me an image.
[ I will be with you soon is a thought that doesn't make it to the other end of the transmission, but he's already putting shoes on and his coat before he goes out to get his horse. It will be faster that way. ]
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I'll stay around here.
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Akashi takes Yukimaru so he can get to where Emerald is faster. There's a bit of snow out and it's cold, so he brought an extra coat with him just in case she wasn't wearing one. He doesn't really know what caused her to seem so downcast, but something must have happened between her and Mercury if it's affected her in this way.
It's about ten to fifteen minutes later when Akashi finds her, and he gets off Yukimaru once she's a few feet away. ]
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Akashi will likely notice that her eyes are puffy, like she's been crying and wiping her eyes. She gives him an equally amused and exasperated look. ]
I can't believe you actually rode out here on a white horse.
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There are a lot of things unbelievable about me.
[ Now that he's in front of her, though, he's not really sure what to do first. She looks terrible, and as much as he feels bad that she's in this condition, he feels pretty glad that she contacted him. ]
Let's look for a place to sit down.
[ She said she'd been walking, after all. Though before he brings her elsewhere, he takes a step closer so he can wrap his arms around her and bring her some comfort. Akashi is not at all the best hugger in the world, but he is trying. ]
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Luckily, Emerald doesn't really expect anything. She just wanted to see him because he's important to her. He needs to be okay, and she needs to be around him. And apologize for ruining the building he once called home. That she did call home.
He doesn't need to do anything. She doesn't even know how to really respond to the hug at first, taking a few seconds before reaching up and holding onto the back of his shirt, pressing her forehead against his shoulder. She hopes he's going to let her stay there for a moment because she's going to start crying. Right now was not the best moment for her first real hug- one that didn't happen while he thought she was her mom, or because she was told to dance with Mercury, or whatever circumstance that wasn't just because someone wanted to hug her. ]
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Did he hurt you?
[ Akashi is definitely no match for anybody from Emerald's world, but they're friends. He protects the people he cares about, and it's not like he has a good opinion of Mercury in the first place. Emerald hasn't really said much about him—her stories mostly revolved around Cinder—but Akashi's come to the conclusion that Cinder and Mercury are the same. They're both keeping Emerald locked in a cage. He doesn't like it. Had he made the connection when he met him, then he would have said something about Emerald's situation. He would have done something. ]
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[ That just sounds ridiculous to her enough that it almost shocks her out of crying. She wipes her eyes before pulling back. ]
I broke down and I brought the building with me. Mercury saved me, he wouldn't hurt me.
[ Not in any way that Emerald couldn't handle or throw right back at him anyway. Never seriously, and he wouldn't purposely make her cry (piss her off, sure, not cry). ]
Cinder's.. [ It's been a couple of days, she should be able to say it now, but her throat closes up. The light snow starts coming down as more of a gross slush instead of a light powder. ]
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What?
[ Something bad happened enough to cause her grief, but whatever it is that Cinder did or didn't do or said— well, whatever. Emerald needs to say it or else Akashi won't know. ]
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[ The words don't feel real when they come out of her lips. She had no idea why Akashi seemed to think Mercury would hurt her, but her focus is on the reality once again that she has managed to lose two homes at once: the family she believes Cinder was for her and the more literal home, the proof of what she was able to build and be on her own in Empatheias, in one fell swoop. She lost a lot in those three small words and whatever Akashi thinks of Cinder, whatever Mercury thinks of Cinder, it won't change that Emerald is devastated. ]
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His shoulders slump a little, but he's not really sure what to feel. Empathy is definitely not there, and he can't bring it in himself to sympathise when he doesn't have a good opinion of a person whom he's never met. Probably never will.
Still, it's made Emerald upset (understatement), and he wants to remedy that. ]
I'm sorry to hear that.
[ He's not really sure what to say beyond that. He's normally the one trampling on people's hopes and dreams, not building them. ]
Is there anything I can do for you?
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[ There really isn't. There's nothing she can do either. It's done, and she doesn't even remember it. But she believes Mercury. There's plenty he would screw with her about, but not this. Not only does he trust him not to, but he would've gotten bored with this by now if it hadn't been a lie. ]
I don't know what to do. She's the only family I've ever had.
[ Her voice is quiet when she says that, if only because she's trying to stay brave and not start crying again. There's plenty of anger and confusion and it's dizzying- everything's dizzying. Akashi's the only person she'd call a friend, she doesn't know what calling him was supposed to do but she wanted him here. She doesn't know anything he can do though. ]
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Emerald does, though. She doesn't need more reasons to be broken. ]
I'll just be here, then. For when you need me to do something. We're not family, [ Back then, they made it clear that they weren't friends, either. ] but I'll be here.
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[ Emeralds breath quickens. She doesn't even know what to do. She can't stop hurting. Every time things get better, they get worse. Every time she gains, she loses. Every time she's down, she gets kicked further. That's her entire life. She'd thought this was over. And now she doesn't have anything to go home to.
Emerald pulls back away from Akashi to turn away, yelling in frustration. The dirt in the field fissures for about ten feet in front of her, the ground around it rapidly turning to mudcrack. ]
What's the point of any of these, Seijuro?! It never stops, and when I finally found something, she--
[ Her voice cracks. She sounds desperate and tired and she doesn't know what to do. ]
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You can be upset, but you will need to keep moving eventually. The loss of somebody important [ Or loss in general, really... ] isn't the end.
[ He once thought it was. He had to fight his father just to be able to keep playing basketball. It's not the same, though. He has other chances to reclaim what he's lost. Life is not something you can just get back.
His mother would be alive again, were that the case. ]
Did you think that she would live forever?
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No, but I thought she'd live longer than that. She's not that much older than we are. Is it wrong to want the person who cares for you to live longer than that?
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At the very least, she's given time to take it all in and be sad about it. Akashi never had that privilege. ]
It's not wrong. My mother was the same - I believe she was still in her thirties when she passed. That was not enough time to be alive. [ It sucks, and it's unfair how she fell ill and her body gave up because of it. His mother should have lived longer. She should still be with the Akashi family now, taking care of her son. It's unfortunate that that isn't the case. ] I was only ten.
I think about how my father could get ill any time. If he passed, I would be upset for a time, but I wouldn't dwell on it. He never allowed me to when it came to mother.
[ And a part of him doesn't want to mourn the loss of his father, of all people. ]
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You have other things than him, though. People, a life, freedom.
[ She has Mercury.
That's it. ]
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[ Because it doesn't seem like she's counting her experiences here, too. He's already made it known to her that he considers her important in his life. He was called here and he thinks he's important in hers, too, but maybe she doesn't think so. ]
I don't mean to make it sound like I don't care about what happened. I'm sorry that happened to you, but I don't want you to break the same way I did.
[ He wouldn't wish it on anybody. ]
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[ She does. She thinks he's very important, and only a week ago she told him she wouldn't leave. It's not a promise she knows how to keep though, since no one seems to know how or why people disappear from this place. Really, they don't even know if they actually go home or if they just go missing or get swallowed up by the earth or god knows what.
She finally turns around to properly look at him. She's tired, exhausted, her eyes are still wet and she just says it simply: ]
I won't break.
[ She can't break. There's no room for her to break. ]
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He feels his heart sink some when Emerald asks that. He doesn't know how to answer it, and it's probably something that doesn't need a response. A part of him even wants to leave now as the fear of being left behind hits him again. ]
... we should go back now.
[ If she lets him, he'll take her hand so he can get ready to guide her up Yukimaru. Before anything else though, he hands her the extra coat he brought and gives her his handkerchief. ]
Would you like some milk?
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[ She knows that he has to know that it's not a promise she could keep, and she made it anyway which.. for her, that's big. She hates making promises she can't keep, even if she wants to. She knows he can't either, so it's a rare thing to ask to be lied to.
Right now she wants to hear it. He never said he wouldn't leave her, he just made her say it. For the moment, it seems almost like she didn't hear the question about the milk. ]
Mine wasn't a lie- I don't know how to make it happen, but if it's my choice I won't. But it's okay to lie to me if you have to. Right now, I just...
[ She wants to hear it. It has nothing to do with what she thinks is going to happen, what she thinks is possible, what she knows is waiting for her and Mercury. She just wants something to hold onto. ]
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[ Akashi says it quickly, as if he didn't even think about it. This has been on his mind for some time now, though. He asked her to stay without even saying he would do the same, but... it should go without saying, shouldn't it?
He's learned his lesson, though. He made impossible promises to Miu, which was why her departure was so painful. Not only did he lose somebody he loves, but he broke a vow. ]
I won't leave. Not willingly.
[ Emerald is important to him. She's. . . He can't even begin to explain it. She's a friend, but he cares for her the same way he does (did?) Miu. He wants to see her happy and make sure she's alright. When she's sad like this, he's sad too. A little angry, but the anger is directed at the cause of what made her upset in the first place. ]
Will you trust me on this?
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[ Those are perhaps three words she never says to anyone. She stays quiet for a few more moments, then steps a little closer. She's never had anyone say that they would stay just for her. Even Cinder it was always a contingency. She had to work to be kept, not just.. promise to stay. Emerald doesn't know how she feels about Akashi at all; it's confusing and new and terrifying because while she believes him, trusting the world itself is harder. The world always screws her over, one way or the other. ]
I want milk.
[ It's almost like a weird concession that she'll let him take care of her, rather than anything to actually do with the literal milk that will undoubtedly be involved. ]
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Come on, then. I'll put some vanilla extract in it.
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I lost the notif for this :(
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