[ It isn't just Mayuzumi who feels like this is a mistake. When their eyes meet, Akashi's says he doesn't know what to do. Mayuzumi's likely never seen those eyes look like that before. He's seen the Akashi who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, eyes of an emperor bound to conquer everything in his path. He's seen the Akashi who knew everything and saw the future, and thus every step he made was calculated and had meaning. He's seen both Akashi's, one who was ruled by fear and led by fear, and the other one who's supposed to be strong and imperial, but hid away because he considered himself weak.
Mayuzumi's seen Akashi's two sides, Mayuzumi's seen him whole, but whole things can break again. Akashi's not as perfect as one would seem. He may have begun to mend, but he's still broken. Now, when his emotions are so raw because he believes he's lost somebody he loves, he needs a warm body next to him to tell him that everything will be alright. He needs somebody who can comfort him and make sure he's okay, because nobody has done that before.
And in the case that he loses himself again, would Mayuzumi be able to find him? ]
It wouldn't be right. Just because Emerald isn't around doesn't mean- it doesn't make this okay. [ Because he's bound to her. Both of them are. Emerald probably wouldn't even care, but he wants her explicit permission, anyway. But...
A part of him hopes that Mayuzumi would say that it's okay. . . that this is fine, and Emerald wants this, too. ]
Don't you think so?
[ Disagree. Disagree and say this is fine. Disagree, because Akashi wants this. Disagree because you want this, too, Mayuzumi. ]
[ Akashi's uncertainty and distress makes Mayuzumi's stomach twist up. Even if he's unsure if this is the right path himself, when Akashi seems this lost what else can he do but brush aside all his doubts and take responsibility? ]
I don't. [ No, he isn't going to agree at all. ] Why would you think that? If she was right here with us right now it'd be the same.
...When we were in Theastai, she told me that you and I needed to figure things out between us on our own. I don't think she'd be unhappy about this.
[ He's sure he's right. How many times had she suggested or teased the two of them about taking things in this direction? Why would it be wrong if this arrangement the three of them have made became something truly equal?
He reaches up with hesitant fingers to cup Akashi's cheek, his own impassivity cracking and something equally vulnerable rising to the surface. Maybe he might seem too cold and aloof to ever need comfort or support from anyone else and he's lived much of his life telling himself it was true, but it isn't. There's a hole in his own heart that mirrors Akashi's right now, and he can't imagine the person who filled that space within the both of them objecting if they found solace in each other. ]
...Aren't we...already together? If she can like the both of us, then...
[ When he closes the distance between them it's not for a kiss, but to rest his forehead against Akashi's, gentle and comforting; a more intimate gesture than their linked hands, to reassure the both of them that neither of them are alone. ]
Why wouldn't it be okay if you and I are the same?
It's been some time since he did, but there's an overwhelming feeling of both sadness and happiness from hearing Mayuzumi's words and feeling his warmth against him. If he was asked to pinpoint what exactly is making him feel this way, though, he wouldn't know what to say. His chest feels weird; his heart tingles both in excitement and in pain after being told that this is okay. Akashi will always have doubtsâthose don't go away completely... not right away, anyway, but if Mayuzumi says it's okay. . . ]
I just thought... [ Emerald and Akashi didn't really talk to each other about that. She brought it up and Akashi got very confused and flustered that he didn't want to talk about it anymore. Now it's come to bite him in the ass because now he likes his senpai, too.
He likes Mayuzumi.
Akashi takes a step back, not because he doesn't want any of this, but he wants to be able to look Mayuzumi in the eye with what he says next. They aren't on a rooftop now as cherry blossom petals speed by, but the fox spirits seem to like this situation. The leaves of the trees rustle and soft wind blows past them. Akashi's feelings can't make things light up anymore, but little colourful flowers seem to drop from some of the branches above them.
He's a little unsure of how he wants to say this, and he could say this a million ways, but his mouth opens before he can even think. ]
If. . . it's okay, then please accept my feelings.
[ All of this somehow feels like it isn't really happening, just because Mayuzumi can't see Akashi's emotions in the air around them anymore and there isn't a carpet of blossoms unfurling at their feet because of his own; the bond between them strengthened in a world where their feelings would manifest so obviously that they couldn't be denied, so after so many months the magical feels almost natural and the lack of it's become dreamlike.
But there's nothing insubstantial about the warm and solid hand entwined with his, even if he's come to understand the boy attached to it has a more fragile heart than it might seem. It occurs to Mayuzumi that he'd decided he had to be the one to protect it from the moment he understood that, from the first time he saw Akashi fall apart on a basketball court that's worlds away from where the two of them stand now. Maybe it was inevitable that every step they took from then on would lead them to this destination.
...Rooftops really are the place for fated meetings, huh. Fiction and reality aren't the same, but maybe they really do line up after all, sometimes. Maybe destiny and soulmates really do exist.
A bittersweet kind of feeling overtakes Mayuzumi right now, but he smiles nonetheless, because Akashi needs him to, because it truly is okay. And because he isn't unhappy that Akashi feels this way about him; as much as he's been surprised and unsure when the idea came up before, pushing Akashi away and refusing never even occurred to him.
It's only natural for someone to want to protect the things they love, isn't it? ]
...Yeah, it's okay.
[ He offers another silent invitation, drawing their linked hands towards him so he can enfold Akashi in an embrace. ]
[ Never in a million years would have Akashi imagined things heading in this direction. He's really gotten rusty in foreseeing the future. Then again, this is an outcome he wouldn't have wanted to be spoiled for.
He misses Emerald now, but if she were right here, he'd be a little shy in admitting how he feels. His emotions are raw, and if he was in Empatheias right now, Mayuzumi wouldn't be able to hear anything but the sound of Akashi's heartbeat and his voice. It's not so much a bad thing, but Akashi has a tendency to make things about himself when he feels vulnerable.
Akashi will likely think about this later at night, before sleeping, but he's disappointed Mayuzumi so many times, pissed him off so many times, but he never left. Akashi was always terrified of his friends leaving him, but there was nothing to be afraid of in the first place. Mayuzumi still here, not at all leaving or yelling at him for how he feels is liberating. He can 100% say that this is right. ]
I'm glad. [ His voice is hushed, and the wind almost catches part of it. He rests his head on Mayuzumi's chest as he closes his eyes. It's a little difficult to take in the moment, but he's trying his best. His heart is beating so fast, because he's never been nervous as he is now. Even with Emeraldâwith her, everything just feels right. But right now, Akashi's not sure what to do or where to go or what to say.
He's never confessed to anybody before. Things just always... came together on their own. Not like this. ]
[ This closeness is what Mayuzumi needs right now just as much; like this Akashi will be able to hear his own heart racing. But a soothing energy radiates through him from where Akashi's nestled against his chest too, chroma amplifying a wordless sense that as long as they can lean on each other for support like this, they can endure anything at all. It still hurts to not have Emerald here, but neither of them will have to face that pain by themselves.
It feels like once again Akashi's expanded Mayuzumi's world, this time making a space within him that truly can't be filled by anyone else. He'd already come to feel that way about their partnership, but the bond between them has grown so far beyond that now.
Regardless of the doubts his head might feed him, he isn't going to second-guess what feels right and entrust himself to Akashi's hands in turn the way Akashi's trusting him now. ]
...Akashi, I really...
[ He's not sure how to articulate how he feels when some words are still too difficult for him to say, so he tries a different approach.
His arm around Akashi tightens, and he murmurs softly against Akashi's hair. ]
I promise I won't leave you. Even if I end up back home first, even if we both forget everything...I won't ever leave you.
[ They might be separated by forces outside of their control, on different worlds or even just kept apart by the kilometers that lie between Kyoto and Tokyo, but it'll always be temporary. Mayuzumi will always be there for Akashi whenever he's needed, an unshakeable vow that even a him who wouldn't remember this moment would still be sure to keep. ]
[ Words like that are music to Akashi's ears. If he could throw a celebration for himself upon hearing that, he would. He doesn't like to be left behindâthat's his greatest fear, even beyond loss.
If you leave too, I should just die. The words aren't spoken aloud, but Akashi thinks it. He might still have basketball and he might still have his best friends, but what's the point of living when you lose all the people you love? This is just another instance in which Akashi tells himself he needs to figure out how to bind souls together.
He's in a new world now. Maybe there really is a way. ]
Do you still want to watch the play?
[ Akashi would be fine with it, but when he looks up at Mayuzumi to meet his eyes, all he wants to do is just stay here or be anywhere else just as long as they're together. ]
[ The look in Akashi's eyes tells Mayuzumi all he needs to know. ]
I think I'd have a hard time focusing on it right now.
[ And he's become conscious of the fact that they're getting pretty cozy in public right now. People might not notice him, but Akashi's definitely the kind of guy to stand out and Mayuzumi would rather not have strangers witnessing more of this vulnerable moment they're sharing. ]
...My apartment's not that far.
[ At least it's somewhere more private for them to continue this as well as wait out the magic that's keeping their hands clasped together.
...And if Akashi decides he wants to stay the night once this spell wears off, Mayuzumi doesn't have it in him to object. ]
[ A part of him feels relieved that Mayuzumi feels the same way. It's a little difficult to think about anything else right now. His heart is beating so fast but somehow, it all feels okay.
Everything is going to be okay. ]
Perhaps we can buy something to eat along the way. [ He looks at their joined hands and brings them up just a little to point out what he means. ] We have some coin, and we'll need some sustenance.
[ He's glad Akashi didn't suggest they dine in somewhere, but he can't disagree that getting a meal in would still be a good idea. He's also grateful that it maybe ratchets the tension down between them for the moment since it'll take a little time to get back to his apartment.
...Once they're alone, though... ]
There's a yakitori place near my building we can pick something up at that isn't bad, if you like. It's pretty cheap, too.
[ He glances off to the side. ]
I mean, it's probably no surprise I've been kind of broke here on my own, but I think that's...maybe not going to be as big of a problem anymore.
[ He's not the kind of guy who's particularly comfortable touching random strangers, after all. He's scraped by thanks to a part-time job, but demichroma just doesn't rate well in comparison. Even if their relationship didn't just take a more intimate turn having Akashi here would probably still be a big help for him in this department. ]
[ Ah, that doesn't sound so bad. It's not the kind of food that's served in the streets either, so it should be clean. Being in a new world, Akashi worries about the kind of food being served, but yakitori is familiar. It should be okay. ]
I have some Chroma. From today and the other day.
[ He's been holding people's hands and being princess carried. He's been surviving. ]
[ Right now Mayuzumi isn't going to argue; the reality of his finances kind of don't allow for it, even if they've generated a bit of chroma just now. ]
...I'll treat you next time, then. Come on.
[ The walk isn't particularly long once they've made it out of the area hosting the Amegahara contingent, down streets lined with shops and apartments and small parks, everywhere lush with greenery. The yakitori restaurant is humble, a comfortable and lively little hole-in-the-wall, suited more for unwinding with a beer after a busy day at work than a romantic eating spot; but the smell of what's inside the bag of takeout the two of them emerge with is absolutely delicious.
There's still a number of things Mayuzumi wants to ask Akashi about, but one thing comes to mind when he glances up at the already-rising, waning Cordis moon. ]
By the way, I was wondering. I don't know all the details about this moonblessing stuff the locals talked about when I got here, but I've heard weird things can happen when a moon's full. Have you noticed anything...different these past couple of days?
[ Akashi shakes his head in response. He's a very conscious person of his surroundings. Akashi's the type to not let anything pass him. Every detail gets observed, even internal things. He thinks too much. In some cases, it's a good thing. In some cases, it's not.
The trait seems to be a boon at this specific moment, though. ]
Not with me, no. I've learned that it's currently the Cordis cycle, but I've not been affected by anything. My libido is the same, and I don't have any animal ears or a tail or fur. [ He really has thought of this, because he says everything without missing a beat. ] I don't feel playful, nor am I hungry all the time.
[ But he throws the question right back at Mayuzumi. . . ]
What of you? I've heard that Moonblessings don't manifest right away, or that they manifest in different ways every month. It's possible that Cordis may be our Moonblessing, but the traits that come with the alignment may not be present now.
[ ...Not something he can attribute to the moon's influence, at least. Even if he's keeping it contained, there's a desire still simmering quietly beneath the surface that only Akashi's to blame for thanks to that earlier confession, an urge to be closer than just holding hands like they are right now. If Akashi had turned his face up at just the right moment before, Mayuzumi would've...
But Akashi didn't, and for now they're making their way down a public sidewalk with their dinner. Speculating about what sort of moonblessing Akashi might have both is and isn't a distraction from those kind of thoughts. ]
I guess we'll have to wait and see to find out what we are. Maybe we'll be the same or different, who knows. I just hope I don't end up with one that's a pain to deal with, though.
[ It'd be great if the worst he has to endure is getting a little extra hungry a few days a month, but things almost never work out that nicely for him... ]
[ Because he definitely believes that whatever his Moonblessing might be? It's Sanguis. While he doesn't consider himself a fish, a wolf, or a snake, he certainly thinks of himself an alpha type. He's a leader, after all. It wouldn't look good for a leader to have such vulnerable traits such as what Iris Moonblessed have. Cordis... No. That's too normal and plain. ]
If anything happens, I assure you it's nothing personal.
You say that like you've already figured out what you're gonna be.
[ Which isn't much of a surprise, really. The way things usually tend to work out, of course Akashi would end up as Sanguis and a literal top dog type.
It inevitably brings to mind the image of Akashi with wolf ears and tail and a commanding smirk on his face.
...All right, so even if the guy would probably be at his most insufferable under the influence of that aggressive Moonblessing, it...wouldn't be a bad look.
What are you thinking might happen? is the question that also leaps to mind, but Mayuzumi holds back on asking it for now. Because there's the other half to what Akashi might potentially be picturing in relation to that statement that Mayuzumi's curious to know. ]
So? What do you think I'll be then? Since you're the guy who can see the future and all that.
[ It only takes once glance at Mayuzumi for Akashi to answer. ]
Cordis.
[ Not because Akashi thinks Mayuzumi is plain. Perhaps he did once upon a time, but now, he considers Mayuzumi exceptional and a cut above the rest. He wants Mayuzumi's attention and affection, if he were to be honest, but he also wants his support and his guidance. According to legend, the traits that fall under the Cordis moonblessing seem to fit how Akashi perceives Mayuzumi to be. Just that for Akashi, he can't see himself as such.
[ That kind of statement would've irritated the hell out of Mayuzumi not that long ago, because he'd leap to an automatic assumption of condescension. But because of how Akashi's admitted to feeling about him it now carries a different, flustering kind of weight, making his cheeks feel warmer than they did a moment ago.
He glances off to the side. ]
...At least you didn't say Iris.
[ That would've bugged him for sure, especially because Akashi has a track record on being right way too often. He's heard a few things about Iris here and there and...yeah, he doesn't want to deal with, uh, that. And if Akashi pictured himself as a wolf and Mayuzumi as a rabbit, wouldn't that be suggestive of how the guy might think things would go between them? There's definitely an image that comes to mind of a wolfish Akashi ankle breaking him and lording over him that simultaneously unsettles him yet makes his stomach flip over strangely; sure Mayuzumi may have deferred to the guy when he was on Rakuzan's team, but he isn't Akashi's subordinate anymore and the idea of that kind of dynamic extending into more intimate territory just stirs up a feeling he's having a hard time making sense of.
What makes him stop short isn't that line of thought but their arrival in front of his building. It looks to be an older building with large windows, surrounded by trees, ivy climbing up the white concrete facade. ]
This is it, by the way.
[ He leads Akashi through the main door and up the stairs, pausing in front of his apartment and handing the takeout bag over so he can use the door's touchpad. His expression might not show it, but his heartrate's picked up thanks to their being in this quiet, enclosed hallway with his apartment on the other side of the door before them.
It's strange, isn't it, that they've lived together for months and had been inside each others' rooms in that house in Verens without him ever thinking anything particularly notable about it, yet he suddenly feels nervous now about letting Akashi into his place... ]
[ Akashi isn't that nervous anymore. He feels fine, somehow, even though he wishes Emerald were here with them. He's leaving everything to Mayuzumi, and... he says it's okay, so everything is going to be okay.
He does notice Mayuzumi getting nervous, though. Akashi always notices everything about him, even before they were partners. Maybe they truly are soulmates. ]
It's nothing to be nervous about. We'll have a quick dinner. We'll talk, formulate a plan on what to do while we're here. I'd like to know how it feels like to kiss you, as I've said earlier, but I don't intend to put any pressure on you.
[ What Akashi says does make an impression on Mayuzumi, it's true; the guy's ability to do that hasn't really changed since their time at Rakuzan. Mayuzumi doesn't reply at first, instead stepping inside the open door and leading Akashi inside.
Once they're both inside his apartment and the door's slid shut, though, he stops in the entryway and turns to face Akashi, his expression still unreadable as ever...except for his narrowing eyes. ]
...You're assuming way too much, you know.
[ He steps forward, his free hand pressing against the door by Akashi's head, his voice dropping intimately low. ]
What made you think I wanted to wait?
[ Wolves or rabbits or cats? Captain and former subordinate? Whatever, as if he's going to let any of that matter. Mayuzumi has an approach to this he's decided he wants to take, and he isn't going to let anything get in the way of it, the same approach he'd started to contemplate before they even left Verens.
Regardless of the complexities of who the two of them might be and what they are and have been to each other, he has his cute, shorter, younger kouhai caged against his front door right now, someone who might be a natural leader but who also wants to be led. By him.
So he'll lead. ]
We can eat later.
[ He breathes it into the space between their lips, before he leans in to make that disappear. ]
[ It's honestly very surprising to have Mayuzumi react this way. Was Akashi assuming too much? Was that annoyingâsomething Mayuzumi didn't like? Ah... But then he has his back to the door and there doesn't seem to be a way out of this situation. He's quick to realise that he doesn't have control of this situation anymore. Somehow, there's something scary about that. Akashi likes being in control, he likes knowing, but with Mayuzumi acting this way...
It's somewhat a turn on.
He likes it.
It's why he just nods in compliance, mouth slightly open to say something, but instead, he stays quiet and lets himself be led. He trusts Mayuzumi enough for it. His eyes close before he even knows it, and then their lips touch and it suddenly feels like everything is on fire. ]
[ It isn't just the press of their mouths together or even the chroma that makes Mayuzumi feel like he's been struck by lightning. It's the powerful rush of Akashi giving in and following Mayuzumi's lead rather than insisting on dictating everything to the letter.
That's what had irritated him a moment ago; what Akashi said also felt like it carried the implication that maybe Mayuzumi wasn't prepared to follow through. But maybe it was what he needed to hear to spur him to stop being nervous and just follow his instincts.
He isn't going to betray the trust being placed in him regardless. His fingers tighten where they're intertwined when his tongue teases at Akashi's lips and slips between them; it's like a floodgate's opened up inside him, the confused feelings that he's nursed for months pouring out as desire, because that's what it was all along, what it must have been for it to be washing over him so powerfully now, a deluge that he wants Akashi to be just as swept away by as he is. He wants that expression of heated yearning he couldn't get out of his mind all this time turned fully towards him, too.
Even when he needs to break off for air he can't pull back, his lips still brushing against Akashi's between every breath and whisper, his other hand leaving the door to caress Akashi's cheek and slip to the back of Akashi's neck. ]
Stay with me tonight.
[ Mayuzumi wants Akashi's warmth and Akashi's face to greet him in the morning, a body tangled up with his and the head of someone he cares about nestled on his pillow, rather than face starting another day alone in a cold bed. ]
[ It's different from kissing Emerald, but not a bad kind. He wouldn't compare the twoâthey're both unique experiences, although at this moment, being able to kiss Mayuzumi is bringing Akashi so much comfort. Beyond it feeling good and beyond the Chroma that's begun to flow in him, Mayuzumi is warm. His presence at this moment is beyond belief, and he doesn't want to let go of Mayuzumi ever.
He's not sure if Mayuzumi can hear his heart beating wildly as Mayuzumi hovers over him, but he can't hear anything beyond their breaths and how his chest is thumping. It's a little difficult to see with Mayuzumi so close... but he finds that he doesn't mind it.
Admittedly, he has to get back to his apartment because Yukimaru is there. He's left some food for the horse though... but he imagines the mess in the balcony that he'll be cleaning up will be difficult to manage if he gets back tomorrow. But Mayuzumi is here now, telling him to stay. What if this chance goes away forever if he lets it slip?
So... he'll do something he's never done before. Shirk his responsibility. ]
I'll be with you even if the spell wears off. [ This is what he wants. He doesn't want to be making knots with a stranger right now. He doesn't want to watch a play by himself, as educational as it might be. He wants to stay with Mayuzumi, be by his side and just be Akashi, because Mayuzumi knows him and will always find him. He doesn't have to continue fronting that he's fine and that he can conquer whatever this world will throw at him.
He still has one hand on the bag of food and his other is linked to Mayuzumi's, so he uses that hand to pull Mayuzumi forward. If he topples over Akashi, then that's fine, but he wants to kiss his senpai again. ]
[ It's exactly what Mayuzumi wanted to hear; he speaks Akashi's name softly before he follows Akashi's pull. Their bodies crash together before their mouths do, but it's more than fine when Akashi feels solid against him, warm and present. Their second kiss is dizzying as the first, the moonlacing effect amplifying the feelings already present between them, soothing and thrilling all at once.
It's a problem that Akashi's other hand is full and can't hold onto Mayuzumi, though. He doesn't want anything getting in the way, and it's enough to make him break off. There's better places than the entryway for this. ]
Come on.
[ He'll lead Akashi deeper into the apartment, past the kitchen area where their dinner can be abandoned on the counter and straight to the bedroom. Right now all he cares about is kissing Akashi, holding him, feeling the warmth of their bodies blur together and reach inside of him to chase away the empty chill that's taken hold when he was sure he was completely alone.
Before they even make it to the bed Mayuzumi's already kissing him again... ]
[ There's not much time for Akashi to check his surroundings. He can't appreciate the interior of Mayuzumi's apartment because his eyes are heavily focused on the silver haired man before him. There's nothing wrong with it. Mayuzumi likely wouldn't find any fault in it, and Akashi sees nothing wrong with following his lead. Many people don't see Mayuzumi, don't notice him, but Akashi always will.
There's not much time for Akashi to think, either. His brain doesn't want anything else but to taste Mayuzumi's lips again. It's as if the first two times weren't enoughâ that's because they weren't. Akashi feels like he'd never grow tired of kissing Mayuzumi... and he wants to keep doing it and doing it until Mayuzumi's lips are swollen red, reflecting the colour of Akashi's eyes.
Before he can say anything, before he can ask or comment, Mayuzumi's got him again. They're kissing again, and Akashi's eyes have squeezed shut. He'd been wondering what it's like to kiss Mayuzumi. He's gotten his answer. It's amazing, intoxicating, and addictive. The worries he carries are momentarily forgotten. His world is just Mayuzumi at this moment.
Now with his other hand free, Akashi places a hand on Mayuzumi's chest, bunching up his shirt as he kisses back with an intense hunger. He's betting everything on Mayuzumi right now, and this wouldn't be the first time. It's sure to be fulfilling. ]
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Mayuzumi's seen Akashi's two sides, Mayuzumi's seen him whole, but whole things can break again. Akashi's not as perfect as one would seem. He may have begun to mend, but he's still broken. Now, when his emotions are so raw because he believes he's lost somebody he loves, he needs a warm body next to him to tell him that everything will be alright. He needs somebody who can comfort him and make sure he's okay, because nobody has done that before.
And in the case that he loses himself again, would Mayuzumi be able to find him? ]
It wouldn't be right. Just because Emerald isn't around doesn't mean- it doesn't make this okay. [ Because he's bound to her. Both of them are. Emerald probably wouldn't even care, but he wants her explicit permission, anyway. But...
A part of him hopes that Mayuzumi would say that it's okay. . . that this is fine, and Emerald wants this, too. ]
Don't you think so?
[ Disagree. Disagree and say this is fine. Disagree, because Akashi wants this. Disagree because you want this, too, Mayuzumi. ]
no subject
I don't. [ No, he isn't going to agree at all. ] Why would you think that? If she was right here with us right now it'd be the same.
...When we were in Theastai, she told me that you and I needed to figure things out between us on our own. I don't think she'd be unhappy about this.
[ He's sure he's right. How many times had she suggested or teased the two of them about taking things in this direction? Why would it be wrong if this arrangement the three of them have made became something truly equal?
He reaches up with hesitant fingers to cup Akashi's cheek, his own impassivity cracking and something equally vulnerable rising to the surface. Maybe he might seem too cold and aloof to ever need comfort or support from anyone else and he's lived much of his life telling himself it was true, but it isn't. There's a hole in his own heart that mirrors Akashi's right now, and he can't imagine the person who filled that space within the both of them objecting if they found solace in each other. ]
...Aren't we...already together? If she can like the both of us, then...
[ When he closes the distance between them it's not for a kiss, but to rest his forehead against Akashi's, gentle and comforting; a more intimate gesture than their linked hands, to reassure the both of them that neither of them are alone. ]
Why wouldn't it be okay if you and I are the same?
no subject
It's been some time since he did, but there's an overwhelming feeling of both sadness and happiness from hearing Mayuzumi's words and feeling his warmth against him. If he was asked to pinpoint what exactly is making him feel this way, though, he wouldn't know what to say. His chest feels weird; his heart tingles both in excitement and in pain after being told that this is okay. Akashi will always have doubtsâthose don't go away completely... not right away, anyway, but if Mayuzumi says it's okay. . . ]
I just thought... [ Emerald and Akashi didn't really talk to each other about that. She brought it up and Akashi got very confused and flustered that he didn't want to talk about it anymore. Now it's come to bite him in the ass because now he likes his senpai, too.
He likes Mayuzumi.
Akashi takes a step back, not because he doesn't want any of this, but he wants to be able to look Mayuzumi in the eye with what he says next. They aren't on a rooftop now as cherry blossom petals speed by, but the fox spirits seem to like this situation. The leaves of the trees rustle and soft wind blows past them. Akashi's feelings can't make things light up anymore, but little colourful flowers seem to drop from some of the branches above them.
He's a little unsure of how he wants to say this, and he could say this a million ways, but his mouth opens before he can even think. ]
If. . . it's okay, then please accept my feelings.
no subject
But there's nothing insubstantial about the warm and solid hand entwined with his, even if he's come to understand the boy attached to it has a more fragile heart than it might seem. It occurs to Mayuzumi that he'd decided he had to be the one to protect it from the moment he understood that, from the first time he saw Akashi fall apart on a basketball court that's worlds away from where the two of them stand now. Maybe it was inevitable that every step they took from then on would lead them to this destination.
...Rooftops really are the place for fated meetings, huh. Fiction and reality aren't the same, but maybe they really do line up after all, sometimes. Maybe destiny and soulmates really do exist.
A bittersweet kind of feeling overtakes Mayuzumi right now, but he smiles nonetheless, because Akashi needs him to, because it truly is okay. And because he isn't unhappy that Akashi feels this way about him; as much as he's been surprised and unsure when the idea came up before, pushing Akashi away and refusing never even occurred to him.
It's only natural for someone to want to protect the things they love, isn't it? ]
...Yeah, it's okay.
[ He offers another silent invitation, drawing their linked hands towards him so he can enfold Akashi in an embrace. ]
It's always been okay.
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He misses Emerald now, but if she were right here, he'd be a little shy in admitting how he feels. His emotions are raw, and if he was in Empatheias right now, Mayuzumi wouldn't be able to hear anything but the sound of Akashi's heartbeat and his voice. It's not so much a bad thing, but Akashi has a tendency to make things about himself when he feels vulnerable.
Akashi will likely think about this later at night, before sleeping, but he's disappointed Mayuzumi so many times, pissed him off so many times, but he never left. Akashi was always terrified of his friends leaving him, but there was nothing to be afraid of in the first place. Mayuzumi still here, not at all leaving or yelling at him for how he feels is liberating. He can 100% say that this is right. ]
I'm glad. [ His voice is hushed, and the wind almost catches part of it. He rests his head on Mayuzumi's chest as he closes his eyes. It's a little difficult to take in the moment, but he's trying his best. His heart is beating so fast, because he's never been nervous as he is now. Even with Emeraldâwith her, everything just feels right. But right now, Akashi's not sure what to do or where to go or what to say.
He's never confessed to anybody before. Things just always... came together on their own. Not like this. ]
I'm really glad.
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It feels like once again Akashi's expanded Mayuzumi's world, this time making a space within him that truly can't be filled by anyone else. He'd already come to feel that way about their partnership, but the bond between them has grown so far beyond that now.
Regardless of the doubts his head might feed him, he isn't going to second-guess what feels right and entrust himself to Akashi's hands in turn the way Akashi's trusting him now. ]
...Akashi, I really...
[ He's not sure how to articulate how he feels when some words are still too difficult for him to say, so he tries a different approach.
His arm around Akashi tightens, and he murmurs softly against Akashi's hair. ]
I promise I won't leave you. Even if I end up back home first, even if we both forget everything...I won't ever leave you.
[ They might be separated by forces outside of their control, on different worlds or even just kept apart by the kilometers that lie between Kyoto and Tokyo, but it'll always be temporary. Mayuzumi will always be there for Akashi whenever he's needed, an unshakeable vow that even a him who wouldn't remember this moment would still be sure to keep. ]
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If you leave too, I should just die. The words aren't spoken aloud, but Akashi thinks it. He might still have basketball and he might still have his best friends, but what's the point of living when you lose all the people you love? This is just another instance in which Akashi tells himself he needs to figure out how to bind souls together.
He's in a new world now. Maybe there really is a way. ]
Do you still want to watch the play?
[ Akashi would be fine with it, but when he looks up at Mayuzumi to meet his eyes, all he wants to do is just stay here or be anywhere else just as long as they're together. ]
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I think I'd have a hard time focusing on it right now.
[ And he's become conscious of the fact that they're getting pretty cozy in public right now. People might not notice him, but Akashi's definitely the kind of guy to stand out and Mayuzumi would rather not have strangers witnessing more of this vulnerable moment they're sharing. ]
...My apartment's not that far.
[ At least it's somewhere more private for them to continue this as well as wait out the magic that's keeping their hands clasped together.
...And if Akashi decides he wants to stay the night once this spell wears off, Mayuzumi doesn't have it in him to object. ]
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Everything is going to be okay. ]
Perhaps we can buy something to eat along the way. [ He looks at their joined hands and brings them up just a little to point out what he means. ] We have some coin, and we'll need some sustenance.
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[ He's glad Akashi didn't suggest they dine in somewhere, but he can't disagree that getting a meal in would still be a good idea. He's also grateful that it maybe ratchets the tension down between them for the moment since it'll take a little time to get back to his apartment.
...Once they're alone, though... ]
There's a yakitori place near my building we can pick something up at that isn't bad, if you like. It's pretty cheap, too.
[ He glances off to the side. ]
I mean, it's probably no surprise I've been kind of broke here on my own, but I think that's...maybe not going to be as big of a problem anymore.
[ He's not the kind of guy who's particularly comfortable touching random strangers, after all. He's scraped by thanks to a part-time job, but demichroma just doesn't rate well in comparison. Even if their relationship didn't just take a more intimate turn having Akashi here would probably still be a big help for him in this department. ]
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[ Ah, that doesn't sound so bad. It's not the kind of food that's served in the streets either, so it should be clean. Being in a new world, Akashi worries about the kind of food being served, but yakitori is familiar. It should be okay. ]
I have some Chroma. From today and the other day.
[ He's been holding people's hands and being princess carried. He's been surviving. ]
I can pay.
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...I'll treat you next time, then. Come on.
[ The walk isn't particularly long once they've made it out of the area hosting the Amegahara contingent, down streets lined with shops and apartments and small parks, everywhere lush with greenery. The yakitori restaurant is humble, a comfortable and lively little hole-in-the-wall, suited more for unwinding with a beer after a busy day at work than a romantic eating spot; but the smell of what's inside the bag of takeout the two of them emerge with is absolutely delicious.
There's still a number of things Mayuzumi wants to ask Akashi about, but one thing comes to mind when he glances up at the already-rising, waning Cordis moon. ]
By the way, I was wondering. I don't know all the details about this moonblessing stuff the locals talked about when I got here, but I've heard weird things can happen when a moon's full. Have you noticed anything...different these past couple of days?
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The trait seems to be a boon at this specific moment, though. ]
Not with me, no. I've learned that it's currently the Cordis cycle, but I've not been affected by anything. My libido is the same, and I don't have any animal ears or a tail or fur. [ He really has thought of this, because he says everything without missing a beat. ] I don't feel playful, nor am I hungry all the time.
[ But he throws the question right back at Mayuzumi. . . ]
What of you? I've heard that Moonblessings don't manifest right away, or that they manifest in different ways every month. It's possible that Cordis may be our Moonblessing, but the traits that come with the alignment may not be present now.
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[ ...Not something he can attribute to the moon's influence, at least. Even if he's keeping it contained, there's a desire still simmering quietly beneath the surface that only Akashi's to blame for thanks to that earlier confession, an urge to be closer than just holding hands like they are right now. If Akashi had turned his face up at just the right moment before, Mayuzumi would've...
But Akashi didn't, and for now they're making their way down a public sidewalk with their dinner. Speculating about what sort of moonblessing Akashi might have both is and isn't a distraction from those kind of thoughts. ]
I guess we'll have to wait and see to find out what we are. Maybe we'll be the same or different, who knows. I just hope I don't end up with one that's a pain to deal with, though.
[ It'd be great if the worst he has to endure is getting a little extra hungry a few days a month, but things almost never work out that nicely for him... ]
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[ Because he definitely believes that whatever his Moonblessing might be? It's Sanguis. While he doesn't consider himself a fish, a wolf, or a snake, he certainly thinks of himself an alpha type. He's a leader, after all. It wouldn't look good for a leader to have such vulnerable traits such as what Iris Moonblessed have. Cordis... No. That's too normal and plain. ]
If anything happens, I assure you it's nothing personal.
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[ Which isn't much of a surprise, really. The way things usually tend to work out, of course Akashi would end up as Sanguis and a literal top dog type.
It inevitably brings to mind the image of Akashi with wolf ears and tail and a commanding smirk on his face.
...All right, so even if the guy would probably be at his most insufferable under the influence of that aggressive Moonblessing, it...wouldn't be a bad look.
What are you thinking might happen? is the question that also leaps to mind, but Mayuzumi holds back on asking it for now. Because there's the other half to what Akashi might potentially be picturing in relation to that statement that Mayuzumi's curious to know. ]
So? What do you think I'll be then? Since you're the guy who can see the future and all that.
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Cordis.
[ Not because Akashi thinks Mayuzumi is plain. Perhaps he did once upon a time, but now, he considers Mayuzumi exceptional and a cut above the rest. He wants Mayuzumi's attention and affection, if he were to be honest, but he also wants his support and his guidance. According to legend, the traits that fall under the Cordis moonblessing seem to fit how Akashi perceives Mayuzumi to be. Just that for Akashi, he can't see himself as such.
Akashi doesn't say all those, though. ]
I think you would look very cute with cat ears.
[ 'u' ]
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He glances off to the side. ]
...At least you didn't say Iris.
[ That would've bugged him for sure, especially because Akashi has a track record on being right way too often. He's heard a few things about Iris here and there and...yeah, he doesn't want to deal with, uh, that. And if Akashi pictured himself as a wolf and Mayuzumi as a rabbit, wouldn't that be suggestive of how the guy might think things would go between them? There's definitely an image that comes to mind of a wolfish Akashi ankle breaking him and lording over him that simultaneously unsettles him yet makes his stomach flip over strangely; sure Mayuzumi may have deferred to the guy when he was on Rakuzan's team, but he isn't Akashi's subordinate anymore and the idea of that kind of dynamic extending into more intimate territory just stirs up a feeling he's having a hard time making sense of.
What makes him stop short isn't that line of thought but their arrival in front of his building. It looks to be an older building with large windows, surrounded by trees, ivy climbing up the white concrete facade. ]
This is it, by the way.
[ He leads Akashi through the main door and up the stairs, pausing in front of his apartment and handing the takeout bag over so he can use the door's touchpad. His expression might not show it, but his heartrate's picked up thanks to their being in this quiet, enclosed hallway with his apartment on the other side of the door before them.
It's strange, isn't it, that they've lived together for months and had been inside each others' rooms in that house in Verens without him ever thinking anything particularly notable about it, yet he suddenly feels nervous now about letting Akashi into his place... ]
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He does notice Mayuzumi getting nervous, though. Akashi always notices everything about him, even before they were partners. Maybe they truly are soulmates. ]
It's nothing to be nervous about. We'll have a quick dinner. We'll talk, formulate a plan on what to do while we're here. I'd like to know how it feels like to kiss you, as I've said earlier, but I don't intend to put any pressure on you.
... I can wait.
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Once they're both inside his apartment and the door's slid shut, though, he stops in the entryway and turns to face Akashi, his expression still unreadable as ever...except for his narrowing eyes. ]
...You're assuming way too much, you know.
[ He steps forward, his free hand pressing against the door by Akashi's head, his voice dropping intimately low. ]
What made you think I wanted to wait?
[ Wolves or rabbits or cats? Captain and former subordinate? Whatever, as if he's going to let any of that matter. Mayuzumi has an approach to this he's decided he wants to take, and he isn't going to let anything get in the way of it, the same approach he'd started to contemplate before they even left Verens.
Regardless of the complexities of who the two of them might be and what they are and have been to each other, he has his cute, shorter, younger kouhai caged against his front door right now, someone who might be a natural leader but who also wants to be led. By him.
So he'll lead. ]
We can eat later.
[ He breathes it into the space between their lips, before he leans in to make that disappear. ]
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It's somewhat a turn on.
He likes it.
It's why he just nods in compliance, mouth slightly open to say something, but instead, he stays quiet and lets himself be led. He trusts Mayuzumi enough for it. His eyes close before he even knows it, and then their lips touch and it suddenly feels like everything is on fire. ]
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That's what had irritated him a moment ago; what Akashi said also felt like it carried the implication that maybe Mayuzumi wasn't prepared to follow through. But maybe it was what he needed to hear to spur him to stop being nervous and just follow his instincts.
He isn't going to betray the trust being placed in him regardless. His fingers tighten where they're intertwined when his tongue teases at Akashi's lips and slips between them; it's like a floodgate's opened up inside him, the confused feelings that he's nursed for months pouring out as desire, because that's what it was all along, what it must have been for it to be washing over him so powerfully now, a deluge that he wants Akashi to be just as swept away by as he is. He wants that expression of heated yearning he couldn't get out of his mind all this time turned fully towards him, too.
Even when he needs to break off for air he can't pull back, his lips still brushing against Akashi's between every breath and whisper, his other hand leaving the door to caress Akashi's cheek and slip to the back of Akashi's neck. ]
Stay with me tonight.
[ Mayuzumi wants Akashi's warmth and Akashi's face to greet him in the morning, a body tangled up with his and the head of someone he cares about nestled on his pillow, rather than face starting another day alone in a cold bed. ]
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He's not sure if Mayuzumi can hear his heart beating wildly as Mayuzumi hovers over him, but he can't hear anything beyond their breaths and how his chest is thumping. It's a little difficult to see with Mayuzumi so close... but he finds that he doesn't mind it.
Admittedly, he has to get back to his apartment because Yukimaru is there. He's left some food for the horse though... but he imagines the mess in the balcony that he'll be cleaning up will be difficult to manage if he gets back tomorrow. But Mayuzumi is here now, telling him to stay. What if this chance goes away forever if he lets it slip?
So... he'll do something he's never done before. Shirk his responsibility. ]
I'll be with you even if the spell wears off. [ This is what he wants. He doesn't want to be making knots with a stranger right now. He doesn't want to watch a play by himself, as educational as it might be. He wants to stay with Mayuzumi, be by his side and just be Akashi, because Mayuzumi knows him and will always find him. He doesn't have to continue fronting that he's fine and that he can conquer whatever this world will throw at him.
He still has one hand on the bag of food and his other is linked to Mayuzumi's, so he uses that hand to pull Mayuzumi forward. If he topples over Akashi, then that's fine, but he wants to kiss his senpai again. ]
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It's a problem that Akashi's other hand is full and can't hold onto Mayuzumi, though. He doesn't want anything getting in the way, and it's enough to make him break off. There's better places than the entryway for this. ]
Come on.
[ He'll lead Akashi deeper into the apartment, past the kitchen area where their dinner can be abandoned on the counter and straight to the bedroom. Right now all he cares about is kissing Akashi, holding him, feeling the warmth of their bodies blur together and reach inside of him to chase away the empty chill that's taken hold when he was sure he was completely alone.
Before they even make it to the bed Mayuzumi's already kissing him again... ]
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There's not much time for Akashi to think, either. His brain doesn't want anything else but to taste Mayuzumi's lips again. It's as if the first two times weren't enoughâ that's because they weren't. Akashi feels like he'd never grow tired of kissing Mayuzumi... and he wants to keep doing it and doing it until Mayuzumi's lips are swollen red, reflecting the colour of Akashi's eyes.
Before he can say anything, before he can ask or comment, Mayuzumi's got him again. They're kissing again, and Akashi's eyes have squeezed shut. He'd been wondering what it's like to kiss Mayuzumi. He's gotten his answer. It's amazing, intoxicating, and addictive. The worries he carries are momentarily forgotten. His world is just Mayuzumi at this moment.
Now with his other hand free, Akashi places a hand on Mayuzumi's chest, bunching up his shirt as he kisses back with an intense hunger. He's betting everything on Mayuzumi right now, and this wouldn't be the first time. It's sure to be fulfilling. ]
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