[ ...Not something he can attribute to the moon's influence, at least. Even if he's keeping it contained, there's a desire still simmering quietly beneath the surface that only Akashi's to blame for thanks to that earlier confession, an urge to be closer than just holding hands like they are right now. If Akashi had turned his face up at just the right moment before, Mayuzumi would've...
But Akashi didn't, and for now they're making their way down a public sidewalk with their dinner. Speculating about what sort of moonblessing Akashi might have both is and isn't a distraction from those kind of thoughts. ]
I guess we'll have to wait and see to find out what we are. Maybe we'll be the same or different, who knows. I just hope I don't end up with one that's a pain to deal with, though.
[ It'd be great if the worst he has to endure is getting a little extra hungry a few days a month, but things almost never work out that nicely for him... ]
[ Because he definitely believes that whatever his Moonblessing might be? It's Sanguis. While he doesn't consider himself a fish, a wolf, or a snake, he certainly thinks of himself an alpha type. He's a leader, after all. It wouldn't look good for a leader to have such vulnerable traits such as what Iris Moonblessed have. Cordis... No. That's too normal and plain. ]
If anything happens, I assure you it's nothing personal.
You say that like you've already figured out what you're gonna be.
[ Which isn't much of a surprise, really. The way things usually tend to work out, of course Akashi would end up as Sanguis and a literal top dog type.
It inevitably brings to mind the image of Akashi with wolf ears and tail and a commanding smirk on his face.
...All right, so even if the guy would probably be at his most insufferable under the influence of that aggressive Moonblessing, it...wouldn't be a bad look.
What are you thinking might happen? is the question that also leaps to mind, but Mayuzumi holds back on asking it for now. Because there's the other half to what Akashi might potentially be picturing in relation to that statement that Mayuzumi's curious to know. ]
So? What do you think I'll be then? Since you're the guy who can see the future and all that.
[ It only takes once glance at Mayuzumi for Akashi to answer. ]
Cordis.
[ Not because Akashi thinks Mayuzumi is plain. Perhaps he did once upon a time, but now, he considers Mayuzumi exceptional and a cut above the rest. He wants Mayuzumi's attention and affection, if he were to be honest, but he also wants his support and his guidance. According to legend, the traits that fall under the Cordis moonblessing seem to fit how Akashi perceives Mayuzumi to be. Just that for Akashi, he can't see himself as such.
[ That kind of statement would've irritated the hell out of Mayuzumi not that long ago, because he'd leap to an automatic assumption of condescension. But because of how Akashi's admitted to feeling about him it now carries a different, flustering kind of weight, making his cheeks feel warmer than they did a moment ago.
He glances off to the side. ]
...At least you didn't say Iris.
[ That would've bugged him for sure, especially because Akashi has a track record on being right way too often. He's heard a few things about Iris here and there and...yeah, he doesn't want to deal with, uh, that. And if Akashi pictured himself as a wolf and Mayuzumi as a rabbit, wouldn't that be suggestive of how the guy might think things would go between them? There's definitely an image that comes to mind of a wolfish Akashi ankle breaking him and lording over him that simultaneously unsettles him yet makes his stomach flip over strangely; sure Mayuzumi may have deferred to the guy when he was on Rakuzan's team, but he isn't Akashi's subordinate anymore and the idea of that kind of dynamic extending into more intimate territory just stirs up a feeling he's having a hard time making sense of.
What makes him stop short isn't that line of thought but their arrival in front of his building. It looks to be an older building with large windows, surrounded by trees, ivy climbing up the white concrete facade. ]
This is it, by the way.
[ He leads Akashi through the main door and up the stairs, pausing in front of his apartment and handing the takeout bag over so he can use the door's touchpad. His expression might not show it, but his heartrate's picked up thanks to their being in this quiet, enclosed hallway with his apartment on the other side of the door before them.
It's strange, isn't it, that they've lived together for months and had been inside each others' rooms in that house in Verens without him ever thinking anything particularly notable about it, yet he suddenly feels nervous now about letting Akashi into his place... ]
[ Akashi isn't that nervous anymore. He feels fine, somehow, even though he wishes Emerald were here with them. He's leaving everything to Mayuzumi, and... he says it's okay, so everything is going to be okay.
He does notice Mayuzumi getting nervous, though. Akashi always notices everything about him, even before they were partners. Maybe they truly are soulmates. ]
It's nothing to be nervous about. We'll have a quick dinner. We'll talk, formulate a plan on what to do while we're here. I'd like to know how it feels like to kiss you, as I've said earlier, but I don't intend to put any pressure on you.
[ What Akashi says does make an impression on Mayuzumi, it's true; the guy's ability to do that hasn't really changed since their time at Rakuzan. Mayuzumi doesn't reply at first, instead stepping inside the open door and leading Akashi inside.
Once they're both inside his apartment and the door's slid shut, though, he stops in the entryway and turns to face Akashi, his expression still unreadable as ever...except for his narrowing eyes. ]
...You're assuming way too much, you know.
[ He steps forward, his free hand pressing against the door by Akashi's head, his voice dropping intimately low. ]
What made you think I wanted to wait?
[ Wolves or rabbits or cats? Captain and former subordinate? Whatever, as if he's going to let any of that matter. Mayuzumi has an approach to this he's decided he wants to take, and he isn't going to let anything get in the way of it, the same approach he'd started to contemplate before they even left Verens.
Regardless of the complexities of who the two of them might be and what they are and have been to each other, he has his cute, shorter, younger kouhai caged against his front door right now, someone who might be a natural leader but who also wants to be led. By him.
So he'll lead. ]
We can eat later.
[ He breathes it into the space between their lips, before he leans in to make that disappear. ]
[ It's honestly very surprising to have Mayuzumi react this way. Was Akashi assuming too much? Was that annoyingâsomething Mayuzumi didn't like? Ah... But then he has his back to the door and there doesn't seem to be a way out of this situation. He's quick to realise that he doesn't have control of this situation anymore. Somehow, there's something scary about that. Akashi likes being in control, he likes knowing, but with Mayuzumi acting this way...
It's somewhat a turn on.
He likes it.
It's why he just nods in compliance, mouth slightly open to say something, but instead, he stays quiet and lets himself be led. He trusts Mayuzumi enough for it. His eyes close before he even knows it, and then their lips touch and it suddenly feels like everything is on fire. ]
[ It isn't just the press of their mouths together or even the chroma that makes Mayuzumi feel like he's been struck by lightning. It's the powerful rush of Akashi giving in and following Mayuzumi's lead rather than insisting on dictating everything to the letter.
That's what had irritated him a moment ago; what Akashi said also felt like it carried the implication that maybe Mayuzumi wasn't prepared to follow through. But maybe it was what he needed to hear to spur him to stop being nervous and just follow his instincts.
He isn't going to betray the trust being placed in him regardless. His fingers tighten where they're intertwined when his tongue teases at Akashi's lips and slips between them; it's like a floodgate's opened up inside him, the confused feelings that he's nursed for months pouring out as desire, because that's what it was all along, what it must have been for it to be washing over him so powerfully now, a deluge that he wants Akashi to be just as swept away by as he is. He wants that expression of heated yearning he couldn't get out of his mind all this time turned fully towards him, too.
Even when he needs to break off for air he can't pull back, his lips still brushing against Akashi's between every breath and whisper, his other hand leaving the door to caress Akashi's cheek and slip to the back of Akashi's neck. ]
Stay with me tonight.
[ Mayuzumi wants Akashi's warmth and Akashi's face to greet him in the morning, a body tangled up with his and the head of someone he cares about nestled on his pillow, rather than face starting another day alone in a cold bed. ]
[ It's different from kissing Emerald, but not a bad kind. He wouldn't compare the twoâthey're both unique experiences, although at this moment, being able to kiss Mayuzumi is bringing Akashi so much comfort. Beyond it feeling good and beyond the Chroma that's begun to flow in him, Mayuzumi is warm. His presence at this moment is beyond belief, and he doesn't want to let go of Mayuzumi ever.
He's not sure if Mayuzumi can hear his heart beating wildly as Mayuzumi hovers over him, but he can't hear anything beyond their breaths and how his chest is thumping. It's a little difficult to see with Mayuzumi so close... but he finds that he doesn't mind it.
Admittedly, he has to get back to his apartment because Yukimaru is there. He's left some food for the horse though... but he imagines the mess in the balcony that he'll be cleaning up will be difficult to manage if he gets back tomorrow. But Mayuzumi is here now, telling him to stay. What if this chance goes away forever if he lets it slip?
So... he'll do something he's never done before. Shirk his responsibility. ]
I'll be with you even if the spell wears off. [ This is what he wants. He doesn't want to be making knots with a stranger right now. He doesn't want to watch a play by himself, as educational as it might be. He wants to stay with Mayuzumi, be by his side and just be Akashi, because Mayuzumi knows him and will always find him. He doesn't have to continue fronting that he's fine and that he can conquer whatever this world will throw at him.
He still has one hand on the bag of food and his other is linked to Mayuzumi's, so he uses that hand to pull Mayuzumi forward. If he topples over Akashi, then that's fine, but he wants to kiss his senpai again. ]
[ It's exactly what Mayuzumi wanted to hear; he speaks Akashi's name softly before he follows Akashi's pull. Their bodies crash together before their mouths do, but it's more than fine when Akashi feels solid against him, warm and present. Their second kiss is dizzying as the first, the moonlacing effect amplifying the feelings already present between them, soothing and thrilling all at once.
It's a problem that Akashi's other hand is full and can't hold onto Mayuzumi, though. He doesn't want anything getting in the way, and it's enough to make him break off. There's better places than the entryway for this. ]
Come on.
[ He'll lead Akashi deeper into the apartment, past the kitchen area where their dinner can be abandoned on the counter and straight to the bedroom. Right now all he cares about is kissing Akashi, holding him, feeling the warmth of their bodies blur together and reach inside of him to chase away the empty chill that's taken hold when he was sure he was completely alone.
Before they even make it to the bed Mayuzumi's already kissing him again... ]
[ There's not much time for Akashi to check his surroundings. He can't appreciate the interior of Mayuzumi's apartment because his eyes are heavily focused on the silver haired man before him. There's nothing wrong with it. Mayuzumi likely wouldn't find any fault in it, and Akashi sees nothing wrong with following his lead. Many people don't see Mayuzumi, don't notice him, but Akashi always will.
There's not much time for Akashi to think, either. His brain doesn't want anything else but to taste Mayuzumi's lips again. It's as if the first two times weren't enoughâ that's because they weren't. Akashi feels like he'd never grow tired of kissing Mayuzumi... and he wants to keep doing it and doing it until Mayuzumi's lips are swollen red, reflecting the colour of Akashi's eyes.
Before he can say anything, before he can ask or comment, Mayuzumi's got him again. They're kissing again, and Akashi's eyes have squeezed shut. He'd been wondering what it's like to kiss Mayuzumi. He's gotten his answer. It's amazing, intoxicating, and addictive. The worries he carries are momentarily forgotten. His world is just Mayuzumi at this moment.
Now with his other hand free, Akashi places a hand on Mayuzumi's chest, bunching up his shirt as he kisses back with an intense hunger. He's betting everything on Mayuzumi right now, and this wouldn't be the first time. It's sure to be fulfilling. ]
[ Moonlacing might be making kissing Akashi that much more irresistible, yet Mayuzumi gets the feeling that even if they were still in Verens or back home it would feel just as overwhelming. Right now he's bearing the brunt of something like that breathtaking intensity of focus that he's only experienced Akashi bringing to bear before on the basketball court...and he likes it, likes Akashi wanting and needing him so relentlessly. Akashi always finds Mayuzumi and never leaves him alone for long, no matter how much he's tried to run away and isolate himself; maybe on a deep level he's really always wanted someone in his life who'd stubbornly bother with pursuing him...
Someone who wants the same thing he does right now. He steps backwards until he feels the bed brush against his calves, sinking down onto the mattress and pulling Akashi along with him. He doesn't want space between their bodies any more, and he tries to eliminate that now that they're both on the bed, hand slipping around Akashi's torso. It feels like pressed this close Akashi will sense his racing heart.
He wants to kiss Akashi and wants him to be within reach the entire night, but beyond thatâ ]
I want to touch you.
[ He says it soft when their mouths part again for air, nuzzling cheek to cheek, tingling lips brushing over Akashi's jawline. His fingers splay against Akashi's back, nails scraping light over a shoulderblade. ]
[ It's impossible to hear anything else aside from the ringing in his ears and the thrumming of his heart. Akashi's eyes are on Mayuzumi, but it's a little difficult to think and breathe and process anything. It's not... bad. Akashi's not complaining at all, because he'd been thinking about kissing Mayuzumi for weeks and he's gotten to experience it. It's still not an ideal situation, but Akashi wouldn't trade this for the world.
Right now, his world revolves around Mayuzumi.
It takes some time for him to answer, because his breath is uneven and he wants to give Mayuzumi what he wants, but at the same time, not sound too eager. It's not like he's touched by people often, so it's been a while... and it's with somebody new. He has to close his eyes and calm himself so when he responds, it's done properly. ]
Mayuzumi-san, I'm nervous.
[ ... He'll be honest, because that's what Mayuzumi wants. He doesn't seem against the idea though, because he's not moving away. In fact, he takes Mayuzumi's hand to put it over his heart just so the older boy can feel it. ]
[ It's such a vulnerable thing for Akashi to say that Mayuzumi's face flushes; he feels like he's been given a gift that at one point in the past he couldn't have ever imagined recieving.
This guy can be really cute...
It's a bit pressuring to have so much responsibility placed in his hands when he's also nervous and still finding his way, but this is what he chose to initiate. Even if he's the kind of guy who isn't naturally conscientious he wants to validate Akashi's trust in him just as much as he wants to deepen the intimacy between them.
His feelings are equally as raw as Akashi's even if his expression might be calmer. As close as he might want to be, he doesn't want to push either of them beyond what they're comfortable with. ]
That's okay. It's okay to be nervous.
[ All Akashi has to do is mirror the gesture he's pulled Mayuzumi's hand into to notice a heartbeat that's in synch and just as elevated. It's normal and natural for anyone in their situation to feel the way they both do, but he's long since gotten the sense that Akashi rarely allows this for himself. That he's doing so now and being so honest makes for a fragile atmosphere that Mayuzumi doesn't want to break.
His thumb brushes over Akashi's chest and he gives the guy a soft kiss on the cheek. While he'd prefer their interlaced hands to be free, it's also a reassuring kind of contact. ]
You don't have to hold anything back. If there's something you don't want me to do, or something I do that you don't like, it's okay to tell me.
[ Akashi nods slowly, still looking a little unsure. It's not everyday he puts his whole life in someone else's hands. And yes, his entire life. What happened just recently should probably be taken slowly, but Akashi's the kind of person who has difficulty trusting people. It's not because the people around him aren't trustworthy, but he's been raised to believe that he can't trust anybody but himself. He's still undergoing this learning process where he begins to open up and trust people.
It's difficult. ]
I don't know what my limits are yet.
[ This is such new territory that he can't really state what he likes and doesn't like, but... he's willing to try a lot of things with Mayuzumi. ]
[ His hand slips out gently from underneath Akashi's, giving Akashi's cheek a caress with the back of his fingers, a reassuring preamble to what he wants to do next. It's then that his hand moves to Akashi's upper chest and he begins his exploration, slowly sliding his hand over Akashi's chest and down over Akashi's abdomen, tracing over the muscles he can discern even through the fabric of Akashi's shirt. He kisses Akashi again with a similar kind of gentle deliberation, his tongue sliding against Akashi's and curling around it in more wordless encouragement.
It's when his hand reaches Akashi's waist that he hesitates, but then begins to tug at the guy's shirt so he can slip his hand beneath and feel Akashi's skin under his fingertips. ]
[ Emerald touching him is fine. He's gotten used to it already. Having someone else touch him in this way is new though, and Mayuzumi will find Akashi's breath hitching, hairs on his arms and chest standing up the moment Mayuzumi's hand slips under his shirt. A soft whisper of the older boy's name escapes Akashi's lips. At this time though, all Akashi can do is follow. He kisses back, tongue swirling and dancing with Mayuzumi's, but he doesn't touch. He's... honestly not sure how, or what Mayuzumi would like touched.
His free hand does end up on Mayuzumi's chest, though. He bunches up the older boy's shirt as he kisses back, slow and testing the waters. Maybe he's putting too much responsibility on Mayuzumi, but right now, he wants Mayuzumi to comfort him and assure him that everything is going to be okay. It's not a means to forget â Akashi won't ever forget Emerald, but he needs to calm down and be grounded or else he'll end up doing a bunch of extreme things just to find Emerald again. ]
[ It's a little nerve-wracking for Akashi to allow Mayuzumi to lead the way to this extent, but it's also leaves his heart pounding hard in his chest. He's already accepted responsibility here on top of looking out for the guy for some time now in a more platonic way, so he doesn't want to let Akashi down now that their relationship has evolved to a whole new level.
And touching and being touched is dizzying, even if Akashi's hand on his chest is only a modest level of exploration. It's honestly fine like this; he knows both of them are probably feeling raw and emotionally charged due to their reunion, the unexpected outpouring of their feelings for each other, and above all the painful absence of Emerald. It's okay if Akashi's reserved about reciprocating and proceeds at his own pace.
Mayuzumi just wants to wrap himself up in Akashi's presence and warmth, the sensation of kissing the guy and touching him both comforting and exciting all at once. It helps him feel cared for and alive despite the hurt in his heart, and that's what he hopes he can inspire in turn, a new form of give and take on their established partnership.
His fingertips graze lightly over Akashi's abs, trying to map out by feel the body that he'd glimpsed here and there in Rakuzan's locker room. Back then he might have noticed Akashi was attractive because it was an unavoidable observation, but it was only a passing thought that he'd never considered acting upon. It was only in Verens that things changed and his thoughts gradually started to turn towards the guy in that way.
He wonders now if the same is true for Akashi; did Akashi see him as someone attractive back then before he graduated? Or was that kind of thought completely out of the mind of the Akashi who prized winning above everything else?
Mayuzumi's mouth leaves Akashi's to give them both a chance to catch their breath, instead kissing along the guy's jawline. His hand moves upward over Akashi's chest, while his mouth starts to slide down, aiming to brush more kisses over the Akashi's throat... ]
[ The kiss on Akashi's throat is fine, except he feels a chill that he hadn't felt in a while. His eyes immediately shut close and he reaches for Mayuzumi's hand tightly, holding onto him like a lifeline. He needs the contact, but most of all, he needs a way to tell Mayuzumi that that's all he can kiss. No moving to the sides of his neck, no kisses on the crook of his neck, and most especially no teeth.
His heart races and he lets Mayuzumi hear his name again coming from Akashi's lips. Then, ]
Not there, please.
[ It's been a while since it happened. Emerald's proved to Akashi that what he saw that night was an illusionâwhen he saw his mother and father and when he heard them both calling him a disappointment. As if that was bad enough, though, what was behind that illusion was a vampire who fed on Akashi. It's not something he wants to happen again. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he's scared of vampires now. He's not really sure how to fix that part. . . it's not like people can tell him they're not real when they obviously are. ]
[ The tightness of Akashi's grip and the tone of his voice both make Mayuzumi pull back quickly; it's the exact opposite of what he'd been aiming to draw out.
Akashi's throat is a sensitive area for the guy, and not in a good way; it leaves Mayuzumi blurting out an awkward apology. ]
Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean toâ
[ He draws in a breath, running his free hand through his hair; it seems like he got a little too caught up in his feelings and ended up pushing Akashi outside of his comfort zone. Maybe it's no wonder when both of them are probably feeling kind of raw and vulnerable right now... ]
[ Akashi doesn't answer immediately, looking a little embarrassed that he rejected Mayuzumi. He's not sure if he should even explain, but Mayuzumi deserves to know. ]
I was bitten there before... by a vampire.
[ It probably sounds like bullshit, but Empatheias is a world that opened all kinds of possibilities. They haven't exactly proved what bit him then, but the two marks on his neck made him think that it was a vampire and not a wolf of some other creature. He'd never really gotten to find out what the truth was. Even the illusions he sawâhis mother and fatherâit was only Emerald who convinced him that they weren't real.
Sometimes, when he thinks about it, it certainly felt real, though.
[ Mayuzumi doesn't have any reason to doubt Akashi's explanation; he definitely ran into plenty of stuff that was supernatural while he was in Verens, so there's nothing unbelievable to him about vampires really existing. ]
I really didn't know, I'm sorry.
[ He can't blame the guy for being put off by something like that; he shifts so Akashi can cuddle up against his chest, quietly offering that form of comfort. ]
[ He is, because he's inconveniencing Mayuzumi. It took a lot out of him to even say that he didn't want to be kissed there. His heart is racing, both from nervousness and fear, and he's not sure how to fix that just yet.
But he figures, maybe talking about it will help. ]
It was, yes.
[ And Mayuzumi may be offering to cuddle, but Akashi just keeps to himself, even moving backwards a little because he's not sure if it's okay to move closer. ]
I don't think about it that often anymore, but I'm reminded of what happened sometimes.
You don't have anything to apologize about. I'd be pretty shaken up if something like that happened to me.
[ He reaches out and strokes Akashi's cheek. ]
...I know I'm not always the most conscientious guy, but I don't want to to make you feel bad when we're doing stuff like this. I wouldn't want you to hold back from telling me the truth if something bothers you.
[ Sure, he may grumble or snap back occasionally when they're having a more normal conversation, but he really doesn't want to actually hurt Akashi. Especially not when they're being intimate.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ ...Not something he can attribute to the moon's influence, at least. Even if he's keeping it contained, there's a desire still simmering quietly beneath the surface that only Akashi's to blame for thanks to that earlier confession, an urge to be closer than just holding hands like they are right now. If Akashi had turned his face up at just the right moment before, Mayuzumi would've...
But Akashi didn't, and for now they're making their way down a public sidewalk with their dinner. Speculating about what sort of moonblessing Akashi might have both is and isn't a distraction from those kind of thoughts. ]
I guess we'll have to wait and see to find out what we are. Maybe we'll be the same or different, who knows. I just hope I don't end up with one that's a pain to deal with, though.
[ It'd be great if the worst he has to endure is getting a little extra hungry a few days a month, but things almost never work out that nicely for him... ]
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[ Because he definitely believes that whatever his Moonblessing might be? It's Sanguis. While he doesn't consider himself a fish, a wolf, or a snake, he certainly thinks of himself an alpha type. He's a leader, after all. It wouldn't look good for a leader to have such vulnerable traits such as what Iris Moonblessed have. Cordis... No. That's too normal and plain. ]
If anything happens, I assure you it's nothing personal.
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[ Which isn't much of a surprise, really. The way things usually tend to work out, of course Akashi would end up as Sanguis and a literal top dog type.
It inevitably brings to mind the image of Akashi with wolf ears and tail and a commanding smirk on his face.
...All right, so even if the guy would probably be at his most insufferable under the influence of that aggressive Moonblessing, it...wouldn't be a bad look.
What are you thinking might happen? is the question that also leaps to mind, but Mayuzumi holds back on asking it for now. Because there's the other half to what Akashi might potentially be picturing in relation to that statement that Mayuzumi's curious to know. ]
So? What do you think I'll be then? Since you're the guy who can see the future and all that.
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Cordis.
[ Not because Akashi thinks Mayuzumi is plain. Perhaps he did once upon a time, but now, he considers Mayuzumi exceptional and a cut above the rest. He wants Mayuzumi's attention and affection, if he were to be honest, but he also wants his support and his guidance. According to legend, the traits that fall under the Cordis moonblessing seem to fit how Akashi perceives Mayuzumi to be. Just that for Akashi, he can't see himself as such.
Akashi doesn't say all those, though. ]
I think you would look very cute with cat ears.
[ 'u' ]
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He glances off to the side. ]
...At least you didn't say Iris.
[ That would've bugged him for sure, especially because Akashi has a track record on being right way too often. He's heard a few things about Iris here and there and...yeah, he doesn't want to deal with, uh, that. And if Akashi pictured himself as a wolf and Mayuzumi as a rabbit, wouldn't that be suggestive of how the guy might think things would go between them? There's definitely an image that comes to mind of a wolfish Akashi ankle breaking him and lording over him that simultaneously unsettles him yet makes his stomach flip over strangely; sure Mayuzumi may have deferred to the guy when he was on Rakuzan's team, but he isn't Akashi's subordinate anymore and the idea of that kind of dynamic extending into more intimate territory just stirs up a feeling he's having a hard time making sense of.
What makes him stop short isn't that line of thought but their arrival in front of his building. It looks to be an older building with large windows, surrounded by trees, ivy climbing up the white concrete facade. ]
This is it, by the way.
[ He leads Akashi through the main door and up the stairs, pausing in front of his apartment and handing the takeout bag over so he can use the door's touchpad. His expression might not show it, but his heartrate's picked up thanks to their being in this quiet, enclosed hallway with his apartment on the other side of the door before them.
It's strange, isn't it, that they've lived together for months and had been inside each others' rooms in that house in Verens without him ever thinking anything particularly notable about it, yet he suddenly feels nervous now about letting Akashi into his place... ]
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He does notice Mayuzumi getting nervous, though. Akashi always notices everything about him, even before they were partners. Maybe they truly are soulmates. ]
It's nothing to be nervous about. We'll have a quick dinner. We'll talk, formulate a plan on what to do while we're here. I'd like to know how it feels like to kiss you, as I've said earlier, but I don't intend to put any pressure on you.
... I can wait.
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Once they're both inside his apartment and the door's slid shut, though, he stops in the entryway and turns to face Akashi, his expression still unreadable as ever...except for his narrowing eyes. ]
...You're assuming way too much, you know.
[ He steps forward, his free hand pressing against the door by Akashi's head, his voice dropping intimately low. ]
What made you think I wanted to wait?
[ Wolves or rabbits or cats? Captain and former subordinate? Whatever, as if he's going to let any of that matter. Mayuzumi has an approach to this he's decided he wants to take, and he isn't going to let anything get in the way of it, the same approach he'd started to contemplate before they even left Verens.
Regardless of the complexities of who the two of them might be and what they are and have been to each other, he has his cute, shorter, younger kouhai caged against his front door right now, someone who might be a natural leader but who also wants to be led. By him.
So he'll lead. ]
We can eat later.
[ He breathes it into the space between their lips, before he leans in to make that disappear. ]
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It's somewhat a turn on.
He likes it.
It's why he just nods in compliance, mouth slightly open to say something, but instead, he stays quiet and lets himself be led. He trusts Mayuzumi enough for it. His eyes close before he even knows it, and then their lips touch and it suddenly feels like everything is on fire. ]
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That's what had irritated him a moment ago; what Akashi said also felt like it carried the implication that maybe Mayuzumi wasn't prepared to follow through. But maybe it was what he needed to hear to spur him to stop being nervous and just follow his instincts.
He isn't going to betray the trust being placed in him regardless. His fingers tighten where they're intertwined when his tongue teases at Akashi's lips and slips between them; it's like a floodgate's opened up inside him, the confused feelings that he's nursed for months pouring out as desire, because that's what it was all along, what it must have been for it to be washing over him so powerfully now, a deluge that he wants Akashi to be just as swept away by as he is. He wants that expression of heated yearning he couldn't get out of his mind all this time turned fully towards him, too.
Even when he needs to break off for air he can't pull back, his lips still brushing against Akashi's between every breath and whisper, his other hand leaving the door to caress Akashi's cheek and slip to the back of Akashi's neck. ]
Stay with me tonight.
[ Mayuzumi wants Akashi's warmth and Akashi's face to greet him in the morning, a body tangled up with his and the head of someone he cares about nestled on his pillow, rather than face starting another day alone in a cold bed. ]
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He's not sure if Mayuzumi can hear his heart beating wildly as Mayuzumi hovers over him, but he can't hear anything beyond their breaths and how his chest is thumping. It's a little difficult to see with Mayuzumi so close... but he finds that he doesn't mind it.
Admittedly, he has to get back to his apartment because Yukimaru is there. He's left some food for the horse though... but he imagines the mess in the balcony that he'll be cleaning up will be difficult to manage if he gets back tomorrow. But Mayuzumi is here now, telling him to stay. What if this chance goes away forever if he lets it slip?
So... he'll do something he's never done before. Shirk his responsibility. ]
I'll be with you even if the spell wears off. [ This is what he wants. He doesn't want to be making knots with a stranger right now. He doesn't want to watch a play by himself, as educational as it might be. He wants to stay with Mayuzumi, be by his side and just be Akashi, because Mayuzumi knows him and will always find him. He doesn't have to continue fronting that he's fine and that he can conquer whatever this world will throw at him.
He still has one hand on the bag of food and his other is linked to Mayuzumi's, so he uses that hand to pull Mayuzumi forward. If he topples over Akashi, then that's fine, but he wants to kiss his senpai again. ]
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It's a problem that Akashi's other hand is full and can't hold onto Mayuzumi, though. He doesn't want anything getting in the way, and it's enough to make him break off. There's better places than the entryway for this. ]
Come on.
[ He'll lead Akashi deeper into the apartment, past the kitchen area where their dinner can be abandoned on the counter and straight to the bedroom. Right now all he cares about is kissing Akashi, holding him, feeling the warmth of their bodies blur together and reach inside of him to chase away the empty chill that's taken hold when he was sure he was completely alone.
Before they even make it to the bed Mayuzumi's already kissing him again... ]
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There's not much time for Akashi to think, either. His brain doesn't want anything else but to taste Mayuzumi's lips again. It's as if the first two times weren't enoughâ that's because they weren't. Akashi feels like he'd never grow tired of kissing Mayuzumi... and he wants to keep doing it and doing it until Mayuzumi's lips are swollen red, reflecting the colour of Akashi's eyes.
Before he can say anything, before he can ask or comment, Mayuzumi's got him again. They're kissing again, and Akashi's eyes have squeezed shut. He'd been wondering what it's like to kiss Mayuzumi. He's gotten his answer. It's amazing, intoxicating, and addictive. The worries he carries are momentarily forgotten. His world is just Mayuzumi at this moment.
Now with his other hand free, Akashi places a hand on Mayuzumi's chest, bunching up his shirt as he kisses back with an intense hunger. He's betting everything on Mayuzumi right now, and this wouldn't be the first time. It's sure to be fulfilling. ]
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Someone who wants the same thing he does right now. He steps backwards until he feels the bed brush against his calves, sinking down onto the mattress and pulling Akashi along with him. He doesn't want space between their bodies any more, and he tries to eliminate that now that they're both on the bed, hand slipping around Akashi's torso. It feels like pressed this close Akashi will sense his racing heart.
He wants to kiss Akashi and wants him to be within reach the entire night, but beyond thatâ ]
I want to touch you.
[ He says it soft when their mouths part again for air, nuzzling cheek to cheek, tingling lips brushing over Akashi's jawline. His fingers splay against Akashi's back, nails scraping light over a shoulderblade. ]
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Right now, his world revolves around Mayuzumi.
It takes some time for him to answer, because his breath is uneven and he wants to give Mayuzumi what he wants, but at the same time, not sound too eager. It's not like he's touched by people often, so it's been a while... and it's with somebody new. He has to close his eyes and calm himself so when he responds, it's done properly. ]
Mayuzumi-san, I'm nervous.
[ ... He'll be honest, because that's what Mayuzumi wants. He doesn't seem against the idea though, because he's not moving away. In fact, he takes Mayuzumi's hand to put it over his heart just so the older boy can feel it. ]
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This guy can be really cute...
It's a bit pressuring to have so much responsibility placed in his hands when he's also nervous and still finding his way, but this is what he chose to initiate. Even if he's the kind of guy who isn't naturally conscientious he wants to validate Akashi's trust in him just as much as he wants to deepen the intimacy between them.
His feelings are equally as raw as Akashi's even if his expression might be calmer. As close as he might want to be, he doesn't want to push either of them beyond what they're comfortable with. ]
That's okay. It's okay to be nervous.
[ All Akashi has to do is mirror the gesture he's pulled Mayuzumi's hand into to notice a heartbeat that's in synch and just as elevated. It's normal and natural for anyone in their situation to feel the way they both do, but he's long since gotten the sense that Akashi rarely allows this for himself. That he's doing so now and being so honest makes for a fragile atmosphere that Mayuzumi doesn't want to break.
His thumb brushes over Akashi's chest and he gives the guy a soft kiss on the cheek. While he'd prefer their interlaced hands to be free, it's also a reassuring kind of contact. ]
You don't have to hold anything back. If there's something you don't want me to do, or something I do that you don't like, it's okay to tell me.
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It's difficult. ]
I don't know what my limits are yet.
[ This is such new territory that he can't really state what he likes and doesn't like, but... he's willing to try a lot of things with Mayuzumi. ]
But I'll tell you once I know.
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[ His hand slips out gently from underneath Akashi's, giving Akashi's cheek a caress with the back of his fingers, a reassuring preamble to what he wants to do next. It's then that his hand moves to Akashi's upper chest and he begins his exploration, slowly sliding his hand over Akashi's chest and down over Akashi's abdomen, tracing over the muscles he can discern even through the fabric of Akashi's shirt. He kisses Akashi again with a similar kind of gentle deliberation, his tongue sliding against Akashi's and curling around it in more wordless encouragement.
It's when his hand reaches Akashi's waist that he hesitates, but then begins to tug at the guy's shirt so he can slip his hand beneath and feel Akashi's skin under his fingertips. ]
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His free hand does end up on Mayuzumi's chest, though. He bunches up the older boy's shirt as he kisses back, slow and testing the waters. Maybe he's putting too much responsibility on Mayuzumi, but right now, he wants Mayuzumi to comfort him and assure him that everything is going to be okay. It's not a means to forget â Akashi won't ever forget Emerald, but he needs to calm down and be grounded or else he'll end up doing a bunch of extreme things just to find Emerald again. ]
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And touching and being touched is dizzying, even if Akashi's hand on his chest is only a modest level of exploration. It's honestly fine like this; he knows both of them are probably feeling raw and emotionally charged due to their reunion, the unexpected outpouring of their feelings for each other, and above all the painful absence of Emerald. It's okay if Akashi's reserved about reciprocating and proceeds at his own pace.
Mayuzumi just wants to wrap himself up in Akashi's presence and warmth, the sensation of kissing the guy and touching him both comforting and exciting all at once. It helps him feel cared for and alive despite the hurt in his heart, and that's what he hopes he can inspire in turn, a new form of give and take on their established partnership.
His fingertips graze lightly over Akashi's abs, trying to map out by feel the body that he'd glimpsed here and there in Rakuzan's locker room. Back then he might have noticed Akashi was attractive because it was an unavoidable observation, but it was only a passing thought that he'd never considered acting upon. It was only in Verens that things changed and his thoughts gradually started to turn towards the guy in that way.
He wonders now if the same is true for Akashi; did Akashi see him as someone attractive back then before he graduated? Or was that kind of thought completely out of the mind of the Akashi who prized winning above everything else?
Mayuzumi's mouth leaves Akashi's to give them both a chance to catch their breath, instead kissing along the guy's jawline. His hand moves upward over Akashi's chest, while his mouth starts to slide down, aiming to brush more kisses over the Akashi's throat... ]
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His heart races and he lets Mayuzumi hear his name again coming from Akashi's lips. Then, ]
Not there, please.
[ It's been a while since it happened. Emerald's proved to Akashi that what he saw that night was an illusionâwhen he saw his mother and father and when he heard them both calling him a disappointment. As if that was bad enough, though, what was behind that illusion was a vampire who fed on Akashi. It's not something he wants to happen again. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he's scared of vampires now. He's not really sure how to fix that part. . . it's not like people can tell him they're not real when they obviously are. ]
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Akashi's throat is a sensitive area for the guy, and not in a good way; it leaves Mayuzumi blurting out an awkward apology. ]
Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean toâ
[ He draws in a breath, running his free hand through his hair; it seems like he got a little too caught up in his feelings and ended up pushing Akashi outside of his comfort zone. Maybe it's no wonder when both of them are probably feeling kind of raw and vulnerable right now... ]
...Sorry. I guess I was overdoing it.
[ He gives Akashi's hand a light squeeze. ]
We can slow down and just...be close for tonight.
[ His tone grows softer. ]
...Are you okay?
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I was bitten there before... by a vampire.
[ It probably sounds like bullshit, but Empatheias is a world that opened all kinds of possibilities. They haven't exactly proved what bit him then, but the two marks on his neck made him think that it was a vampire and not a wolf of some other creature. He'd never really gotten to find out what the truth was. Even the illusions he sawâhis mother and fatherâit was only Emerald who convinced him that they weren't real.
Sometimes, when he thinks about it, it certainly felt real, though.
So no, he's not okay. ]
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I really didn't know, I'm sorry.
[ He can't blame the guy for being put off by something like that; he shifts so Akashi can cuddle up against his chest, quietly offering that form of comfort. ]
That...must've been before I got to Empatheias.
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[ He is, because he's inconveniencing Mayuzumi. It took a lot out of him to even say that he didn't want to be kissed there. His heart is racing, both from nervousness and fear, and he's not sure how to fix that just yet.
But he figures, maybe talking about it will help. ]
It was, yes.
[ And Mayuzumi may be offering to cuddle, but Akashi just keeps to himself, even moving backwards a little because he's not sure if it's okay to move closer. ]
I don't think about it that often anymore, but I'm reminded of what happened sometimes.
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[ He reaches out and strokes Akashi's cheek. ]
...I know I'm not always the most conscientious guy, but I don't want to to make you feel bad when we're doing stuff like this. I wouldn't want you to hold back from telling me the truth if something bothers you.
[ Sure, he may grumble or snap back occasionally when they're having a more normal conversation, but he really doesn't want to actually hurt Akashi. Especially not when they're being intimate.
His voice softens more. ]
You can come closer.
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