[ Emerald touching him is fine. He's gotten used to it already. Having someone else touch him in this way is new though, and Mayuzumi will find Akashi's breath hitching, hairs on his arms and chest standing up the moment Mayuzumi's hand slips under his shirt. A soft whisper of the older boy's name escapes Akashi's lips. At this time though, all Akashi can do is follow. He kisses back, tongue swirling and dancing with Mayuzumi's, but he doesn't touch. He's... honestly not sure how, or what Mayuzumi would like touched.
His free hand does end up on Mayuzumi's chest, though. He bunches up the older boy's shirt as he kisses back, slow and testing the waters. Maybe he's putting too much responsibility on Mayuzumi, but right now, he wants Mayuzumi to comfort him and assure him that everything is going to be okay. It's not a means to forget — Akashi won't ever forget Emerald, but he needs to calm down and be grounded or else he'll end up doing a bunch of extreme things just to find Emerald again. ]
[ It's a little nerve-wracking for Akashi to allow Mayuzumi to lead the way to this extent, but it's also leaves his heart pounding hard in his chest. He's already accepted responsibility here on top of looking out for the guy for some time now in a more platonic way, so he doesn't want to let Akashi down now that their relationship has evolved to a whole new level.
And touching and being touched is dizzying, even if Akashi's hand on his chest is only a modest level of exploration. It's honestly fine like this; he knows both of them are probably feeling raw and emotionally charged due to their reunion, the unexpected outpouring of their feelings for each other, and above all the painful absence of Emerald. It's okay if Akashi's reserved about reciprocating and proceeds at his own pace.
Mayuzumi just wants to wrap himself up in Akashi's presence and warmth, the sensation of kissing the guy and touching him both comforting and exciting all at once. It helps him feel cared for and alive despite the hurt in his heart, and that's what he hopes he can inspire in turn, a new form of give and take on their established partnership.
His fingertips graze lightly over Akashi's abs, trying to map out by feel the body that he'd glimpsed here and there in Rakuzan's locker room. Back then he might have noticed Akashi was attractive because it was an unavoidable observation, but it was only a passing thought that he'd never considered acting upon. It was only in Verens that things changed and his thoughts gradually started to turn towards the guy in that way.
He wonders now if the same is true for Akashi; did Akashi see him as someone attractive back then before he graduated? Or was that kind of thought completely out of the mind of the Akashi who prized winning above everything else?
Mayuzumi's mouth leaves Akashi's to give them both a chance to catch their breath, instead kissing along the guy's jawline. His hand moves upward over Akashi's chest, while his mouth starts to slide down, aiming to brush more kisses over the Akashi's throat... ]
[ The kiss on Akashi's throat is fine, except he feels a chill that he hadn't felt in a while. His eyes immediately shut close and he reaches for Mayuzumi's hand tightly, holding onto him like a lifeline. He needs the contact, but most of all, he needs a way to tell Mayuzumi that that's all he can kiss. No moving to the sides of his neck, no kisses on the crook of his neck, and most especially no teeth.
His heart races and he lets Mayuzumi hear his name again coming from Akashi's lips. Then, ]
Not there, please.
[ It's been a while since it happened. Emerald's proved to Akashi that what he saw that night was an illusion—when he saw his mother and father and when he heard them both calling him a disappointment. As if that was bad enough, though, what was behind that illusion was a vampire who fed on Akashi. It's not something he wants to happen again. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he's scared of vampires now. He's not really sure how to fix that part. . . it's not like people can tell him they're not real when they obviously are. ]
[ The tightness of Akashi's grip and the tone of his voice both make Mayuzumi pull back quickly; it's the exact opposite of what he'd been aiming to draw out.
Akashi's throat is a sensitive area for the guy, and not in a good way; it leaves Mayuzumi blurting out an awkward apology. ]
Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—
[ He draws in a breath, running his free hand through his hair; it seems like he got a little too caught up in his feelings and ended up pushing Akashi outside of his comfort zone. Maybe it's no wonder when both of them are probably feeling kind of raw and vulnerable right now... ]
[ Akashi doesn't answer immediately, looking a little embarrassed that he rejected Mayuzumi. He's not sure if he should even explain, but Mayuzumi deserves to know. ]
I was bitten there before... by a vampire.
[ It probably sounds like bullshit, but Empatheias is a world that opened all kinds of possibilities. They haven't exactly proved what bit him then, but the two marks on his neck made him think that it was a vampire and not a wolf of some other creature. He'd never really gotten to find out what the truth was. Even the illusions he saw—his mother and father—it was only Emerald who convinced him that they weren't real.
Sometimes, when he thinks about it, it certainly felt real, though.
[ Mayuzumi doesn't have any reason to doubt Akashi's explanation; he definitely ran into plenty of stuff that was supernatural while he was in Verens, so there's nothing unbelievable to him about vampires really existing. ]
I really didn't know, I'm sorry.
[ He can't blame the guy for being put off by something like that; he shifts so Akashi can cuddle up against his chest, quietly offering that form of comfort. ]
[ He is, because he's inconveniencing Mayuzumi. It took a lot out of him to even say that he didn't want to be kissed there. His heart is racing, both from nervousness and fear, and he's not sure how to fix that just yet.
But he figures, maybe talking about it will help. ]
It was, yes.
[ And Mayuzumi may be offering to cuddle, but Akashi just keeps to himself, even moving backwards a little because he's not sure if it's okay to move closer. ]
I don't think about it that often anymore, but I'm reminded of what happened sometimes.
You don't have anything to apologize about. I'd be pretty shaken up if something like that happened to me.
[ He reaches out and strokes Akashi's cheek. ]
...I know I'm not always the most conscientious guy, but I don't want to to make you feel bad when we're doing stuff like this. I wouldn't want you to hold back from telling me the truth if something bothers you.
[ Sure, he may grumble or snap back occasionally when they're having a more normal conversation, but he really doesn't want to actually hurt Akashi. Especially not when they're being intimate.
[ Even if Mayuzumi says that, Akashi's still going to try and keep things to himself, anyway. The last thing he wants is to inconvenience somebody he cares about. He doesn't want anybody to be disappointed because of him.
He listens, though, and he moves closer to Mayuzumi, just looking at him in the eyes. ]
[ Mayuzumi reaches out when Akashi's closer, wanting to embrace him; he knows the guy's unsettled, so he wants to try and make Akashi feel safe and accepted. Regardless of where they might be, he's someone Akashi really can rely on no matter what.
He's tried to be that kind of person for Akashi before in his own way and not always being the most gentle about it, admittedly. But fulfilling that role in the guy's life has just grown to be even more important now that he's not just Akashi's upperclassman or partner anymore.
And with both of them already suffering because Emerald's...
...Because they haven't found Emerald yet, all they have is each other to lean on right now. It's making him especially soft on Akashi in the present moment, even if expressing how he feels directly normally doesn't come easily to him. ]
Mm.
...It's...really fine. Having you here with me is enough.
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His free hand does end up on Mayuzumi's chest, though. He bunches up the older boy's shirt as he kisses back, slow and testing the waters. Maybe he's putting too much responsibility on Mayuzumi, but right now, he wants Mayuzumi to comfort him and assure him that everything is going to be okay. It's not a means to forget — Akashi won't ever forget Emerald, but he needs to calm down and be grounded or else he'll end up doing a bunch of extreme things just to find Emerald again. ]
no subject
And touching and being touched is dizzying, even if Akashi's hand on his chest is only a modest level of exploration. It's honestly fine like this; he knows both of them are probably feeling raw and emotionally charged due to their reunion, the unexpected outpouring of their feelings for each other, and above all the painful absence of Emerald. It's okay if Akashi's reserved about reciprocating and proceeds at his own pace.
Mayuzumi just wants to wrap himself up in Akashi's presence and warmth, the sensation of kissing the guy and touching him both comforting and exciting all at once. It helps him feel cared for and alive despite the hurt in his heart, and that's what he hopes he can inspire in turn, a new form of give and take on their established partnership.
His fingertips graze lightly over Akashi's abs, trying to map out by feel the body that he'd glimpsed here and there in Rakuzan's locker room. Back then he might have noticed Akashi was attractive because it was an unavoidable observation, but it was only a passing thought that he'd never considered acting upon. It was only in Verens that things changed and his thoughts gradually started to turn towards the guy in that way.
He wonders now if the same is true for Akashi; did Akashi see him as someone attractive back then before he graduated? Or was that kind of thought completely out of the mind of the Akashi who prized winning above everything else?
Mayuzumi's mouth leaves Akashi's to give them both a chance to catch their breath, instead kissing along the guy's jawline. His hand moves upward over Akashi's chest, while his mouth starts to slide down, aiming to brush more kisses over the Akashi's throat... ]
no subject
His heart races and he lets Mayuzumi hear his name again coming from Akashi's lips. Then, ]
Not there, please.
[ It's been a while since it happened. Emerald's proved to Akashi that what he saw that night was an illusion—when he saw his mother and father and when he heard them both calling him a disappointment. As if that was bad enough, though, what was behind that illusion was a vampire who fed on Akashi. It's not something he wants to happen again. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he's scared of vampires now. He's not really sure how to fix that part. . . it's not like people can tell him they're not real when they obviously are. ]
no subject
Akashi's throat is a sensitive area for the guy, and not in a good way; it leaves Mayuzumi blurting out an awkward apology. ]
Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—
[ He draws in a breath, running his free hand through his hair; it seems like he got a little too caught up in his feelings and ended up pushing Akashi outside of his comfort zone. Maybe it's no wonder when both of them are probably feeling kind of raw and vulnerable right now... ]
...Sorry. I guess I was overdoing it.
[ He gives Akashi's hand a light squeeze. ]
We can slow down and just...be close for tonight.
[ His tone grows softer. ]
...Are you okay?
no subject
I was bitten there before... by a vampire.
[ It probably sounds like bullshit, but Empatheias is a world that opened all kinds of possibilities. They haven't exactly proved what bit him then, but the two marks on his neck made him think that it was a vampire and not a wolf of some other creature. He'd never really gotten to find out what the truth was. Even the illusions he saw—his mother and father—it was only Emerald who convinced him that they weren't real.
Sometimes, when he thinks about it, it certainly felt real, though.
So no, he's not okay. ]
no subject
I really didn't know, I'm sorry.
[ He can't blame the guy for being put off by something like that; he shifts so Akashi can cuddle up against his chest, quietly offering that form of comfort. ]
That...must've been before I got to Empatheias.
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[ He is, because he's inconveniencing Mayuzumi. It took a lot out of him to even say that he didn't want to be kissed there. His heart is racing, both from nervousness and fear, and he's not sure how to fix that just yet.
But he figures, maybe talking about it will help. ]
It was, yes.
[ And Mayuzumi may be offering to cuddle, but Akashi just keeps to himself, even moving backwards a little because he's not sure if it's okay to move closer. ]
I don't think about it that often anymore, but I'm reminded of what happened sometimes.
no subject
[ He reaches out and strokes Akashi's cheek. ]
...I know I'm not always the most conscientious guy, but I don't want to to make you feel bad when we're doing stuff like this. I wouldn't want you to hold back from telling me the truth if something bothers you.
[ Sure, he may grumble or snap back occasionally when they're having a more normal conversation, but he really doesn't want to actually hurt Akashi. Especially not when they're being intimate.
His voice softens more. ]
You can come closer.
no subject
He listens, though, and he moves closer to Mayuzumi, just looking at him in the eyes. ]
Thank you.
no subject
He's tried to be that kind of person for Akashi before in his own way and not always being the most gentle about it, admittedly. But fulfilling that role in the guy's life has just grown to be even more important now that he's not just Akashi's upperclassman or partner anymore.
And with both of them already suffering because Emerald's...
...Because they haven't found Emerald yet, all they have is each other to lean on right now. It's making him especially soft on Akashi in the present moment, even if expressing how he feels directly normally doesn't come easily to him. ]
Mm.
...It's...really fine. Having you here with me is enough.
[ He sighs quietly. ]
...I'm really...glad you're around.