You could get sick. [ He frowns at the thought. No one can get sick while he's around! Though... ] I suppose we can just switch the heater on. The blankets I have are warm, too.
[ Basically, he'll take care of Mayuzumi while he's here. Mayuzumi doesn't have to worry about anything. ]
[ Akashi might be fussing over Mayuzumi like a mom right now, but it doesn't bother him.
...Or a housewife, which brings to mind out of nowhere the image of Akashi in a cute apron making Mayuzumi dinner and feeding him bites of food and otherwise relentlessly doting on him and floods a little pink into his cheeks.
He clears his throat and glances off to the side to try and banish those particular thoughts. ]
I suppose that works, but maybe next time I stay over I'll leave a couple of extra shirts here just in case.
...Although...you can always help keep me warm too if I get cold, can't you?
Sounds like I'll be fine then as long as I'm in your care, so I'm not worried.
[ Yeah, Mayuzumi's messing with the guy a little, even if his own face is flushed pink right now. After all, if Akashi's showing Mayuzumi more of a side of himself that he didn't before, that's a shift that flows both ways. Maybe he should've added "teasing your girl/boyfriend to see them blush cutely" to the list of things he thinks dating should be all about that he recited before, because he definitely thinks it is...
They're still partners, still friends, and there's a lot in that regard that isn't really any different. But there's also more to their relationship now that romantic attachment's thrown into the mix. Teasing, flirting, affectionate feelings, emotional vulnerability, physical intimacy; there's so many new facets to the deepening of their bond that Mayuzumi's still feeling out expressing. ]
[ That's definitely one of the nicest things Mayuzumi's said to Akashi. It means he's trusted completely, and that means a lot. Even more so now than ever. Mayuzumi's really made Akashi happy today, even though they had a misunderstanding earlier and he wanted the ground to swallow him whole for making such a huge mistake. ]
You shouldn't. I'll make sure nothing happens to you, Mayuzumi-san.
[ He doesn't sound embarrassed at all saying that. Beyond it being a job he has to do, he likes doing it. When he cares about someone, he'll go a long way for them. He'll make sure nothing happens to them. That annoyingly sweet prince charming smile of his is back when he says it, too.
But it disappears quickly when he decides he wants to do something. With Emerald, he doesn't have to say it, but since this relationship with Mayuzumi is new, he feels like he has to ask. ]
[ Mayuzumi swallows, glancing off to the side; Akashi saying something like that completely straight with that ridiculous smile attached is definitely embarrassing! This is what the guy should really be blushing about.
Mayuzumi's not used to having Akashi's absurd princely expression directed at him with this kind of sentiment attached, and it makes his cheeks noticeably darker. It's really annoying that he feels a fluttery sensation now in his stomach about what used to be a purely irritating look; his immunity to that sparkling aura has definitely gotten a lot weaker.
It seems like it's his turn to be the flustered one now, apparently... ]
...But yeah. I mean, you can kiss me whenever you want.
[ Akashi explicitly asks for permission because he doesn't want Mayuzumi to think that he's too eager. Anything to fast and Mayuzumi might not want this anymore... and even though it's only been a few weeks since they talked about their feelings, he's not sure he can have Mayuzumi in his life any other way. They can't just go back to being friends. Akashi doesn't think he can handle that.
He sits down on the couch next to Mayuzumi and leans in. His hand rests on the other's shoulder to anchor himself, so he doesn't topple over even with the weight he's adding to one side of the couch. And when his lips touch Mayuzumi's, he immediately feels like he's on fire. The kiss he gives isn't deep or passionate, rather, it's soft and reserved, a little bit shy. Akashi is not that kind of person, but he just wants to kiss him and be close. ]
[ There's a soft kind of sigh that escapes Mayuzumi just from how gentle the brush of Akashi's lips against his is. It's a sweet and unhurried kind of kiss, and Mayuzumi follows along with the flow of that feeling, leaning in, tracing a caress over Akashi's cheek. A wonderful warmth flows out from his chest and through the rest of him that's only heightened by the moonlacing effect, and he pours that affection back out into the press of their mouths, a feeling that's both delicate and intense all at once.
Ah hell, he...really has it pretty bad for this guy. Forever might not be an idea Mayuzumi's prepared to fully grapple with, but he also can't see any end in sight to how he feels. His doubts over whether this step was entirely the right one for them to take have proven to be insubstantial worries that dissipate whenever they're in each others' arms.
If they're making a mistake it's the best one he's ever made and he intends to keep on repeating it for the foreseeable future. ]
[ Akashi doesn't want to make out or do anything right now. The kiss is enough to let him know that Mayuzumi is here and he's staying. That's more than enough for him. Though if Mayuzumi initiates anything, he likely won't have it in him to say no. For now, he pulls away but keeps their fingers laced together. ]
[ Seeing Akashi more relaxed and smiling again is plenty; it might have been impulsive but it seems like it was a good move for Mayuzumi to come over so they could talk things through a bit more. He might not necessarily say it out loud, but cuddling up, holding hands, and sharing gentler kisses are all things he appreciates too, regardless of how remote he can appear to be sometimes; just having someone important to him curled up against him while he reads would be pretty satisfying.
[ For now, he leaves Mayuzumi in the living area. Akashi's loft is pretty minimalistic. The coffee table has some sports magazines if Mayuzumi wants to flip through them, but there's also a television set if he wants to watch Prisma TV. The balcony has glass doors, so he can easily see Yukimaru resting outside, too.
Akashi, on the other hand, moves to the kitchen so he can prepare something to eat. He doesn't have much today... he'd already eaten what his landlady had cooked for him, and he hasn't gone to the grocery to buy food for his own. There's tofu soup, at least, which he's more than willing to share to Mayuzumi, as well as cherry tomato couscous salad. It doesn't take long for Akashi to finish preparing. He just has to put the vegetables on a plate, and then heat the soup. ]
[ He'd gotten a little distracted there by the sight of Yukimaru; dealing with Akashi's mood had been a bit of a priority before, but now that the guy seems to be back to normal he can ask about what else is on his mind.
He joins Akashi over in the dining area; the meal the guy's put together looks more than fine to him. ]
...Hey, has Yukimaru been stuck like that the entire time here?
[ Because he has to wonder if this is some more moon-related weirdness at work. ]
[ Akashi nods, a little upset at the topic. He feels very bad for Yukimaru, and he hopes to find a way to bring him back to normal. ]
Since I arrived, yes. I'm still unsure how to make him normal-sized again, but I intend to garner a lot of Chroma while figuring it out if it means paying a lot of money for it.
[ It's obvious Akashi isn't happy about it, and Mayuzumi supposes he can't really blame the guy...even if Yukimaru's looking pretty cute transformed a small pony. ]
If I hear anything about how to change him back I'll let you know.
Although...you'll really have to get a house or find somewhere else you can keep him if you do get him back to normal.
[ His attention seems to suddenly be focused on his salad when he continues. ]
I'm pretty sure Chroma's not going to be much of a problem, though. I mean...between the three of us we'll...probably make plenty.
[ The topic of moonlacing is both awkward and not awkward at the same time. On one hand, Akashi doesn't like it much when someone else is talking about the act of being intimate. He feels embarrassed. On the other, he supposes it should be discussed, because they're in a world where intimacy is the key to making money. ]
I suppose Mayuzumi-san and Emerald are at the right age to be very sexually active...
[ He hadn't really meant it just in terms of sex, but when Akashi puts it that way...
At least it's an easier topic for him to talk about in general now that he's not a virgin anymore, even if he's still unsure about how Akashi feels about having sex with him; it might be too soon for the guy. ]
...Yeah, I suppose. It's true that I'm probably not going to turn her down whenever she wants to do it with me. But aren't you leaving yourself out here?
[ There's a little hesitation since he hadn't wanted to pry into Akashi's love life back them, but it's probably fine for him to talk about it now considering he's definitely become part of the guy's love life himself and Akashi's experience level and how he feels about having sex has kind of become relevant to their circumstances. ]
...I mean, I kind of thought you and Hinasaki had probably...
[ He glances off to the side; it might be relevant, but it does still feel a little weird for him now to talk about Miu in a way that it wasn't before. It's fine if it's Emerald, but there's something that bugs him now about the thought of Akashi having done anything with someone else. Especially something he hasn't done with the guy himself.
But even thinking about the fact that Miu at least had to have stolen Akashi's first kiss...
[ Akashi's expression changes when Mayuzumi brings up Miu. He's not mad, just a little... sad. He's sad when Miu's the point of conversation because she's a part of his life that he can't get back anymore. There's no closure at all, and he wishes he could close it.
He tries to shelve her in the back of his mind at all times. He's very happy with Emerald and he's also very happy with Mayuzumi. It just would have been nice if he and Miu broke up properly instead of him being left behind to pick up the pieces by himself.
He'll forget about Miu if he has toβhe already opened up the possibility to Emerald, but to Mayuzumi, he hasn't. Still, the option is there on the table if it would make both of them happy. At the very least, there wouldn't be a hole in Akashi's heart anymore because of it. ]
Once.
[ He says it a little coolly, before looking away. ]
I'd like for intimacy to remain intimate, not an act for getting both money and pleasure.
[ But he's not trying to say that Mayuzumi and Emerald just do it for the cash. He just doesn't want sex or making out or whatever else to be such a common thing between them all that it gets bland. He'd like it to be special, because that's what it should be. Maybe it's a little idealistic and traditional, but Akashi would rather starve and crystallise than have sex with someone because he wants to have Chroma. He'd like feelings involved, too.
But he's definitely going to change his mind when his moonblessings manifest in the future. ]
[ It's irritating to know Mayuzumi was right about that suspicion. His disapproval tugs at the corners of his mouth, from the fact that there's things Miu did with Akashi that he hasn't gotten to do yet with the guy.
It's not fair at all, when Mayuzumi was the one who knew Akashi first and got close to Akashi first, even if their relationship hadn't been like that back then. He knows it's not rational, but he can't help being a little prickly anyway, especially when it's followed up with a statement that suggests his supply of something he hasn't even gotten his first taste of is going to be needlessly limited. ]
Just because it's also practical it doesn't mean it's not intimate, you know.
[ Mayuzumi just doesn't see the problem here. It's not like he'd do it if he wasn't in the mood unless it was an emergency, like one of them running so low on Chroma that they were going to crystallize or something like that. He's the kind of guy who expresses his affection better through showing it rather than sentimental babbling; he can't picture doing it with either of them without that emotional connection naturally being a part of it, even if they had sex every day. ]
...But whatever. I'm not gonna make you do something you don't want to do, especially not this. Just don't get jealous and make a fuss if I end up doing it with Em lots instead of joining you in the monastery.
[ Leave it to a rich brat to be stingy even about something like this. What kind of weirdo wouldn't take advantage of a practical excuse to have as much sex as he wants with his hot girlfriend and hot boyfriend anyway??
And it's maybe petty of him to use that endearment on purpose to flaunt that extra depth of intimacy with Emerald, but Mayuzumi's grumpy and wondering if Miu had to twist this guy's arm to get him to do it with her or if he'd jumped at it the second she wanted to...or if he'd thrown himself at her without any prompting at all. ]
[ He just doesn't want making love to lose its meaning. He wouldn't ever call it sex, if it were between the three of them.
But he can tell Mayuzumi's in a bad mood now, which sets him in a bad mood too because he doesn't know what Mayuzumi's even mad about. Just because they don't meet eye to eye about moonlacing doesn't mean Mayuzumi has to get grumpy with him. So, after finishing his soup, he simply states: ]
[ Mayuzumi still won't meet Akashi's gaze; he made a mistake in asking about Miu for sure, but he didn't expect it to bother him enough that he's still stewing over it even after they finish eating. After all, he'd met her in Empatheias without any kind of issue over it; at the time he'd even been more irritated that Akashi was ahead of him in the girlfriend game. But that was before Mayuzumi fell for Akashi... ]
...I'm not angry. [ He mutters eventually, which seems contradictory to what he said before that, but it's also technically more accurate.
Because he's jealous, and kind of embarrassed to admit it. ]
I don't need the Emperor Eye to see it. We're connected.
[ Akashi doesn't meant to make it sound sappy or anything, but... he does mean what he says.
He reaches for Mayuzumi's bowl, and it looks as if he's setting it aside to clean it, which he does set aside, but only so he can reach for Mayuzumi's hand. The bowl was in the way. ]
[ Mayuzumi flushes at Akashi talking about the two of them being connected and the touch of Akashi's hand. ]
Yeah, yeah...soulmates, whatever.
[ He still isn't looking at Akashi, but he doesn't pull his hand away either. He's also weirdly frustrated over the guy being kind of solicitous rather than argumentative, because it just makes him feel like he's being ridiculous and getting annoyed over nothing.
It's really unfair, but hasn't life been like that all the time for him? He should've expected it'd end up like this, with him being the bad guy again. ]
It's notβ
[ He sighs, putting his head down on the table, resting on his arm. Why did he have to insist on this whole honesty thing between them, anyway? It was easier before he'd done that, when they were just friends and he could give the guy the brush off if he didn't feel like dealing with something and leave it at that; he still could try avoiding the issue, but he knows it'll just get thrown in his face that he's being hypocritical sooner or later.
Relationships seriously are a pain in the ass. ]
...It's not like that. I'm not an idiot, I know you can't change what happened with Hinasaki, but...I don't like it.
[ His ears are starting to turn pink; damn it, he hates this. He's nineteen and a university student, yet here he is sounding like an overly clingy middle school girlfriend. It's way too embarrassing! ]
I get that it's different if it's with a girl and it's too soon for you. Just...don't make me have to wait too long.
Somehow, he didn't expect Mayuzumi to be upset about that. He's surprised and he ends up letting go of Mayuzumi. His hand hovers over the other's palm for a few seconds before Akashi retracts his arm completely. Both his hands fall to his lap and he looks down, unable to meet Mayuzumi in the eye. Not that he's looking at Akashi, anyway. ]
I'm sorry.
[ He knows it's not his fault, but... he feels the need to apologise, regardless. He doesn't really... understand the jealousy of being first or second or whatever, but. . . he's hurting Mayuzumi too because of his past with Miu. Emerald already beats herself up constantly because of how Akashi revered Miu and she'd compare herself to her. What happened when the two of them were trying to pilot a GIGA is still fresh in his mind. He doesn't want to hurt Mayuzumi, too. Emerald said she didn't want to lose any part of Akashi, though. He's not sure how to fix that now when Mayuzumi is upset, too.
If it's the topic of being ready, though, Akashi's not sure. He's honestly never thought about being ready or not. Mayuzumi's company if precious and one of the most important things in his life right now, and he does like it when they're kissing, when they're close and when he can feel Mayuzumi's heat against his skin. Admittedly, he'd thought about doing more more than once, but it happening in real life is different. He wouldn't say that Mayuzumi is eager for wanting Akashi the way he does, though. Akashi is quite flattered, and he's fine with Mayuzumi wanting him.
Akashi closes his eyes for a moment. He's thinking too much. ]
[ Mayuzumi doesn't answer right away; he feels an ache when Akashi pulls away from him. Damn it, this isn't why he came over here tonight. He'd wanted to reassure the guy and instead ended up stirring up a different problem. ]
...You don't have to apologize. Like I said, you can't change what's already happened, and it's normal to do things like that with someone you're dating.
[ Which is why he wants to do that too. But he also doesn't want Akashi to feel he has to do anything before he's ready, either. ]
It's just...frustrating, that's all.
[ There isn't actually a line but Mayuzumi still feels like he's on the end of it, somehow; the first to get close to the guy, but the last to fall for him. In a lot of ways Akashi became the most important person in Mayuzumi's life since that initial rooftop encounter back at Rakuzan, until he met Emerald and that particular place within him grew to hold two people. The guy gave him the chance of a lifetime to live a dream he'd given up on and in the process opened up a new world for him, their time together in Verens only a natural continuation of that process. And now that they've become romantically involved it's inevitably stirred up his selfish and possessive side.
It's fine if it's with Emerald...because Emerald belongs to Mayuzumi too. But beyond that special exception Mayuzumi wants to monopolize Akashi, wants to be the center of Akashi's entire world, wants Akashi to be looking at nobody else but him and thinking of nobody else but him, and if he could have he would've greedily hoarded the chance to take Akashi's first kiss and Akashi's first time all to himself. He sure as hell wants to be the first guy Akashi has sex with.
If he could have he would've made sure Akashi fell for him first, too.
But it's not something that can be changed; when it was only the two of them connected by the bond of their partnership the idea of dating the guy was nowhere in Mayuzumi's mind, and so he'd missed his chance back then at something he didn't know he even wanted. Miu having entered Akashi's romantic life first and Mayuzumi being the last is just the way their lives worked out. It's not even a real problem except in Mayuzumi's own mind.
Which one of us is the guy who wanted to bind our souls together again? Maybe despite his balking at the idea he understands why Akashi would feel that way more than he wants to admit. And why is he even getting worked up over this when Akashi does feel that way and wants to do something that extreme to keep them connected, anyway?
...Because the guy had wanted to do something like that with Miu, too...
He gets up with a sigh, gathering up his dishes to take to the sink; he's feeling restless and needs to actually do something instead of just sit here brooding. ]
[ It feels weird like this. Mayuzumi's gotten mad and frustrated before, but because of basketball. Akashi would offer some words then, both harsh and encouraging at the same time. He was Mayuzumi's captain, after all. He had to do those things. If tension sprung between the two of them, it was because Akashi had a goal that they both needed to meet.
Now that their relationship's become more personal, though, Akashi doesn't want Mayuzumi to be angry or frustrated. He gets up, too, snatching Mayuzumi's plate from his hands so he can be the one to bring them to the sink. Then he gets his own so he can wash both together. ]
Just sit, please. I said I'll take care of you.
[ He's not really sure how to fix Mayuzumi's mood yet, but... he'll do anything to be able to get Mayuzumi to smile at him again. And maybe get his hair ruffled, too. It's always comforting when Mayuzumi does it. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Basically, he'll take care of Mayuzumi while he's here. Mayuzumi doesn't have to worry about anything. ]
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...Or a housewife, which brings to mind out of nowhere the image of Akashi in a cute apron making Mayuzumi dinner and feeding him bites of food and otherwise relentlessly doting on him and floods a little pink into his cheeks.
He clears his throat and glances off to the side to try and banish those particular thoughts. ]
I suppose that works, but maybe next time I stay over I'll leave a couple of extra shirts here just in case.
...Although...you can always help keep me warm too if I get cold, can't you?
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[ That's a little too embarrassing. Heat fills Akashi's cheeks and he has to look away. What is he even supposed to say to that?? ]
... yes.
[ He really would, but Mayuzumi doesn't need to say it?!?! ]
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[ Yeah, Mayuzumi's messing with the guy a little, even if his own face is flushed pink right now. After all, if Akashi's showing Mayuzumi more of a side of himself that he didn't before, that's a shift that flows both ways. Maybe he should've added "teasing your girl/boyfriend to see them blush cutely" to the list of things he thinks dating should be all about that he recited before, because he definitely thinks it is...
They're still partners, still friends, and there's a lot in that regard that isn't really any different. But there's also more to their relationship now that romantic attachment's thrown into the mix. Teasing, flirting, affectionate feelings, emotional vulnerability, physical intimacy; there's so many new facets to the deepening of their bond that Mayuzumi's still feeling out expressing. ]
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You shouldn't. I'll make sure nothing happens to you, Mayuzumi-san.
[ He doesn't sound embarrassed at all saying that. Beyond it being a job he has to do, he likes doing it. When he cares about someone, he'll go a long way for them. He'll make sure nothing happens to them. That annoyingly sweet prince charming smile of his is back when he says it, too.
But it disappears quickly when he decides he wants to do something. With Emerald, he doesn't have to say it, but since this relationship with Mayuzumi is new, he feels like he has to ask. ]
May I kiss you?
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[ Mayuzumi swallows, glancing off to the side; Akashi saying something like that completely straight with that ridiculous smile attached is definitely embarrassing! This is what the guy should really be blushing about.
Mayuzumi's not used to having Akashi's absurd princely expression directed at him with this kind of sentiment attached, and it makes his cheeks noticeably darker. It's really annoying that he feels a fluttery sensation now in his stomach about what used to be a purely irritating look; his immunity to that sparkling aura has definitely gotten a lot weaker.
It seems like it's his turn to be the flustered one now, apparently... ]
...But yeah. I mean, you can kiss me whenever you want.
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He sits down on the couch next to Mayuzumi and leans in. His hand rests on the other's shoulder to anchor himself, so he doesn't topple over even with the weight he's adding to one side of the couch. And when his lips touch Mayuzumi's, he immediately feels like he's on fire. The kiss he gives isn't deep or passionate, rather, it's soft and reserved, a little bit shy. Akashi is not that kind of person, but he just wants to kiss him and be close. ]
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Ah hell, he...really has it pretty bad for this guy. Forever might not be an idea Mayuzumi's prepared to fully grapple with, but he also can't see any end in sight to how he feels. His doubts over whether this step was entirely the right one for them to take have proven to be insubstantial worries that dissipate whenever they're in each others' arms.
If they're making a mistake it's the best one he's ever made and he intends to keep on repeating it for the foreseeable future. ]
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Are you hungry?
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So...he doesn't mind the mood right now. ]
...Yeah, I suppose I am.
Let's have dinner.
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[ For now, he leaves Mayuzumi in the living area. Akashi's loft is pretty minimalistic. The coffee table has some sports magazines if Mayuzumi wants to flip through them, but there's also a television set if he wants to watch Prisma TV. The balcony has glass doors, so he can easily see Yukimaru resting outside, too.
Akashi, on the other hand, moves to the kitchen so he can prepare something to eat. He doesn't have much today... he'd already eaten what his landlady had cooked for him, and he hasn't gone to the grocery to buy food for his own. There's tofu soup, at least, which he's more than willing to share to Mayuzumi, as well as cherry tomato couscous salad. It doesn't take long for Akashi to finish preparing. He just has to put the vegetables on a plate, and then heat the soup. ]
Mayuzumi-san, you can't eat on the couch.
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[ He'd gotten a little distracted there by the sight of Yukimaru; dealing with Akashi's mood had been a bit of a priority before, but now that the guy seems to be back to normal he can ask about what else is on his mind.
He joins Akashi over in the dining area; the meal the guy's put together looks more than fine to him. ]
...Hey, has Yukimaru been stuck like that the entire time here?
[ Because he has to wonder if this is some more moon-related weirdness at work. ]
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Since I arrived, yes. I'm still unsure how to make him normal-sized again, but I intend to garner a lot of Chroma while figuring it out if it means paying a lot of money for it.
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If I hear anything about how to change him back I'll let you know.
Although...you'll really have to get a house or find somewhere else you can keep him if you do get him back to normal.
[ His attention seems to suddenly be focused on his salad when he continues. ]
I'm pretty sure Chroma's not going to be much of a problem, though. I mean...between the three of us we'll...probably make plenty.
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I suppose Mayuzumi-san and Emerald are at the right age to be very sexually active...
[ But he's only a high school student??? ]
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At least it's an easier topic for him to talk about in general now that he's not a virgin anymore, even if he's still unsure about how Akashi feels about having sex with him; it might be too soon for the guy. ]
...Yeah, I suppose. It's true that I'm probably not going to turn her down whenever she wants to do it with me. But aren't you leaving yourself out here?
[ There's a little hesitation since he hadn't wanted to pry into Akashi's love life back them, but it's probably fine for him to talk about it now considering he's definitely become part of the guy's love life himself and Akashi's experience level and how he feels about having sex has kind of become relevant to their circumstances. ]
...I mean, I kind of thought you and Hinasaki had probably...
[ He glances off to the side; it might be relevant, but it does still feel a little weird for him now to talk about Miu in a way that it wasn't before. It's fine if it's Emerald, but there's something that bugs him now about the thought of Akashi having done anything with someone else. Especially something he hasn't done with the guy himself.
But even thinking about the fact that Miu at least had to have stolen Akashi's first kiss...
Yeah, he doesn't like that very much. ]
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He tries to shelve her in the back of his mind at all times. He's very happy with Emerald and he's also very happy with Mayuzumi. It just would have been nice if he and Miu broke up properly instead of him being left behind to pick up the pieces by himself.
He'll forget about Miu if he has toβhe already opened up the possibility to Emerald, but to Mayuzumi, he hasn't. Still, the option is there on the table if it would make both of them happy. At the very least, there wouldn't be a hole in Akashi's heart anymore because of it. ]
Once.
[ He says it a little coolly, before looking away. ]
I'd like for intimacy to remain intimate, not an act for getting both money and pleasure.
[ But he's not trying to say that Mayuzumi and Emerald just do it for the cash. He just doesn't want sex or making out or whatever else to be such a common thing between them all that it gets bland. He'd like it to be special, because that's what it should be. Maybe it's a little idealistic and traditional, but Akashi would rather starve and crystallise than have sex with someone because he wants to have Chroma. He'd like feelings involved, too.
But he's definitely going to change his mind when his moonblessings manifest in the future. ]
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[ It's irritating to know Mayuzumi was right about that suspicion. His disapproval tugs at the corners of his mouth, from the fact that there's things Miu did with Akashi that he hasn't gotten to do yet with the guy.
It's not fair at all, when Mayuzumi was the one who knew Akashi first and got close to Akashi first, even if their relationship hadn't been like that back then. He knows it's not rational, but he can't help being a little prickly anyway, especially when it's followed up with a statement that suggests his supply of something he hasn't even gotten his first taste of is going to be needlessly limited. ]
Just because it's also practical it doesn't mean it's not intimate, you know.
[ Mayuzumi just doesn't see the problem here. It's not like he'd do it if he wasn't in the mood unless it was an emergency, like one of them running so low on Chroma that they were going to crystallize or something like that. He's the kind of guy who expresses his affection better through showing it rather than sentimental babbling; he can't picture doing it with either of them without that emotional connection naturally being a part of it, even if they had sex every day. ]
...But whatever. I'm not gonna make you do something you don't want to do, especially not this. Just don't get jealous and make a fuss if I end up doing it with Em lots instead of joining you in the monastery.
[ Leave it to a rich brat to be stingy even about something like this. What kind of weirdo wouldn't take advantage of a practical excuse to have as much sex as he wants with his hot girlfriend and hot boyfriend anyway??
And it's maybe petty of him to use that endearment on purpose to flaunt that extra depth of intimacy with Emerald, but Mayuzumi's grumpy and wondering if Miu had to twist this guy's arm to get him to do it with her or if he'd jumped at it the second she wanted to...or if he'd thrown himself at her without any prompting at all. ]
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[ He just doesn't want making love to lose its meaning. He wouldn't ever call it sex, if it were between the three of them.
But he can tell Mayuzumi's in a bad mood now, which sets him in a bad mood too because he doesn't know what Mayuzumi's even mad about. Just because they don't meet eye to eye about moonlacing doesn't mean Mayuzumi has to get grumpy with him. So, after finishing his soup, he simply states: ]
You're angry.
[ So tell him what that's all about. ]
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[ Mayuzumi still won't meet Akashi's gaze; he made a mistake in asking about Miu for sure, but he didn't expect it to bother him enough that he's still stewing over it even after they finish eating. After all, he'd met her in Empatheias without any kind of issue over it; at the time he'd even been more irritated that Akashi was ahead of him in the girlfriend game. But that was before Mayuzumi fell for Akashi... ]
...I'm not angry. [ He mutters eventually, which seems contradictory to what he said before that, but it's also technically more accurate.
Because he's jealous, and kind of embarrassed to admit it. ]
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[ Akashi doesn't meant to make it sound sappy or anything, but... he does mean what he says.
He reaches for Mayuzumi's bowl, and it looks as if he's setting it aside to clean it, which he does set aside, but only so he can reach for Mayuzumi's hand. The bowl was in the way. ]
Did I do something wrong again?
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Yeah, yeah...soulmates, whatever.
[ He still isn't looking at Akashi, but he doesn't pull his hand away either. He's also weirdly frustrated over the guy being kind of solicitous rather than argumentative, because it just makes him feel like he's being ridiculous and getting annoyed over nothing.
It's really unfair, but hasn't life been like that all the time for him? He should've expected it'd end up like this, with him being the bad guy again. ]
It's notβ
[ He sighs, putting his head down on the table, resting on his arm. Why did he have to insist on this whole honesty thing between them, anyway? It was easier before he'd done that, when they were just friends and he could give the guy the brush off if he didn't feel like dealing with something and leave it at that; he still could try avoiding the issue, but he knows it'll just get thrown in his face that he's being hypocritical sooner or later.
Relationships seriously are a pain in the ass. ]
...It's not like that. I'm not an idiot, I know you can't change what happened with Hinasaki, but...I don't like it.
[ His ears are starting to turn pink; damn it, he hates this. He's nineteen and a university student, yet here he is sounding like an overly clingy middle school girlfriend. It's way too embarrassing! ]
I get that it's different if it's with a girl and it's too soon for you. Just...don't make me have to wait too long.
I knew you first, damn it.
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Somehow, he didn't expect Mayuzumi to be upset about that. He's surprised and he ends up letting go of Mayuzumi. His hand hovers over the other's palm for a few seconds before Akashi retracts his arm completely. Both his hands fall to his lap and he looks down, unable to meet Mayuzumi in the eye. Not that he's looking at Akashi, anyway. ]
I'm sorry.
[ He knows it's not his fault, but... he feels the need to apologise, regardless. He doesn't really... understand the jealousy of being first or second or whatever, but. . . he's hurting Mayuzumi too because of his past with Miu. Emerald already beats herself up constantly because of how Akashi revered Miu and she'd compare herself to her. What happened when the two of them were trying to pilot a GIGA is still fresh in his mind. He doesn't want to hurt Mayuzumi, too. Emerald said she didn't want to lose any part of Akashi, though. He's not sure how to fix that now when Mayuzumi is upset, too.
If it's the topic of being ready, though, Akashi's not sure. He's honestly never thought about being ready or not. Mayuzumi's company if precious and one of the most important things in his life right now, and he does like it when they're kissing, when they're close and when he can feel Mayuzumi's heat against his skin. Admittedly, he'd thought about doing more more than once, but it happening in real life is different. He wouldn't say that Mayuzumi is eager for wanting Akashi the way he does, though. Akashi is quite flattered, and he's fine with Mayuzumi wanting him.
Akashi closes his eyes for a moment. He's thinking too much. ]
I will tell you when.
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...You don't have to apologize. Like I said, you can't change what's already happened, and it's normal to do things like that with someone you're dating.
[ Which is why he wants to do that too. But he also doesn't want Akashi to feel he has to do anything before he's ready, either. ]
It's just...frustrating, that's all.
[ There isn't actually a line but Mayuzumi still feels like he's on the end of it, somehow; the first to get close to the guy, but the last to fall for him. In a lot of ways Akashi became the most important person in Mayuzumi's life since that initial rooftop encounter back at Rakuzan, until he met Emerald and that particular place within him grew to hold two people. The guy gave him the chance of a lifetime to live a dream he'd given up on and in the process opened up a new world for him, their time together in Verens only a natural continuation of that process. And now that they've become romantically involved it's inevitably stirred up his selfish and possessive side.
It's fine if it's with Emerald...because Emerald belongs to Mayuzumi too. But beyond that special exception Mayuzumi wants to monopolize Akashi, wants to be the center of Akashi's entire world, wants Akashi to be looking at nobody else but him and thinking of nobody else but him, and if he could have he would've greedily hoarded the chance to take Akashi's first kiss and Akashi's first time all to himself. He sure as hell wants to be the first guy Akashi has sex with.
If he could have he would've made sure Akashi fell for him first, too.
But it's not something that can be changed; when it was only the two of them connected by the bond of their partnership the idea of dating the guy was nowhere in Mayuzumi's mind, and so he'd missed his chance back then at something he didn't know he even wanted. Miu having entered Akashi's romantic life first and Mayuzumi being the last is just the way their lives worked out. It's not even a real problem except in Mayuzumi's own mind.
Which one of us is the guy who wanted to bind our souls together again? Maybe despite his balking at the idea he understands why Akashi would feel that way more than he wants to admit. And why is he even getting worked up over this when Akashi does feel that way and wants to do something that extreme to keep them connected, anyway?
...Because the guy had wanted to do something like that with Miu, too...
He gets up with a sigh, gathering up his dishes to take to the sink; he's feeling restless and needs to actually do something instead of just sit here brooding. ]
Come on, I'll clean up.
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Now that their relationship's become more personal, though, Akashi doesn't want Mayuzumi to be angry or frustrated. He gets up, too, snatching Mayuzumi's plate from his hands so he can be the one to bring them to the sink. Then he gets his own so he can wash both together. ]
Just sit, please. I said I'll take care of you.
[ He's not really sure how to fix Mayuzumi's mood yet, but... he'll do anything to be able to get Mayuzumi to smile at him again. And maybe get his hair ruffled, too. It's always comforting when Mayuzumi does it. ]
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