[ It's obvious Akashi isn't happy about it, and Mayuzumi supposes he can't really blame the guy...even if Yukimaru's looking pretty cute transformed a small pony. ]
If I hear anything about how to change him back I'll let you know.
Although...you'll really have to get a house or find somewhere else you can keep him if you do get him back to normal.
[ His attention seems to suddenly be focused on his salad when he continues. ]
I'm pretty sure Chroma's not going to be much of a problem, though. I mean...between the three of us we'll...probably make plenty.
[ The topic of moonlacing is both awkward and not awkward at the same time. On one hand, Akashi doesn't like it much when someone else is talking about the act of being intimate. He feels embarrassed. On the other, he supposes it should be discussed, because they're in a world where intimacy is the key to making money. ]
I suppose Mayuzumi-san and Emerald are at the right age to be very sexually active...
[ He hadn't really meant it just in terms of sex, but when Akashi puts it that way...
At least it's an easier topic for him to talk about in general now that he's not a virgin anymore, even if he's still unsure about how Akashi feels about having sex with him; it might be too soon for the guy. ]
...Yeah, I suppose. It's true that I'm probably not going to turn her down whenever she wants to do it with me. But aren't you leaving yourself out here?
[ There's a little hesitation since he hadn't wanted to pry into Akashi's love life back them, but it's probably fine for him to talk about it now considering he's definitely become part of the guy's love life himself and Akashi's experience level and how he feels about having sex has kind of become relevant to their circumstances. ]
...I mean, I kind of thought you and Hinasaki had probably...
[ He glances off to the side; it might be relevant, but it does still feel a little weird for him now to talk about Miu in a way that it wasn't before. It's fine if it's Emerald, but there's something that bugs him now about the thought of Akashi having done anything with someone else. Especially something he hasn't done with the guy himself.
But even thinking about the fact that Miu at least had to have stolen Akashi's first kiss...
[ Akashi's expression changes when Mayuzumi brings up Miu. He's not mad, just a little... sad. He's sad when Miu's the point of conversation because she's a part of his life that he can't get back anymore. There's no closure at all, and he wishes he could close it.
He tries to shelve her in the back of his mind at all times. He's very happy with Emerald and he's also very happy with Mayuzumi. It just would have been nice if he and Miu broke up properly instead of him being left behind to pick up the pieces by himself.
He'll forget about Miu if he has toβhe already opened up the possibility to Emerald, but to Mayuzumi, he hasn't. Still, the option is there on the table if it would make both of them happy. At the very least, there wouldn't be a hole in Akashi's heart anymore because of it. ]
Once.
[ He says it a little coolly, before looking away. ]
I'd like for intimacy to remain intimate, not an act for getting both money and pleasure.
[ But he's not trying to say that Mayuzumi and Emerald just do it for the cash. He just doesn't want sex or making out or whatever else to be such a common thing between them all that it gets bland. He'd like it to be special, because that's what it should be. Maybe it's a little idealistic and traditional, but Akashi would rather starve and crystallise than have sex with someone because he wants to have Chroma. He'd like feelings involved, too.
But he's definitely going to change his mind when his moonblessings manifest in the future. ]
[ It's irritating to know Mayuzumi was right about that suspicion. His disapproval tugs at the corners of his mouth, from the fact that there's things Miu did with Akashi that he hasn't gotten to do yet with the guy.
It's not fair at all, when Mayuzumi was the one who knew Akashi first and got close to Akashi first, even if their relationship hadn't been like that back then. He knows it's not rational, but he can't help being a little prickly anyway, especially when it's followed up with a statement that suggests his supply of something he hasn't even gotten his first taste of is going to be needlessly limited. ]
Just because it's also practical it doesn't mean it's not intimate, you know.
[ Mayuzumi just doesn't see the problem here. It's not like he'd do it if he wasn't in the mood unless it was an emergency, like one of them running so low on Chroma that they were going to crystallize or something like that. He's the kind of guy who expresses his affection better through showing it rather than sentimental babbling; he can't picture doing it with either of them without that emotional connection naturally being a part of it, even if they had sex every day. ]
...But whatever. I'm not gonna make you do something you don't want to do, especially not this. Just don't get jealous and make a fuss if I end up doing it with Em lots instead of joining you in the monastery.
[ Leave it to a rich brat to be stingy even about something like this. What kind of weirdo wouldn't take advantage of a practical excuse to have as much sex as he wants with his hot girlfriend and hot boyfriend anyway??
And it's maybe petty of him to use that endearment on purpose to flaunt that extra depth of intimacy with Emerald, but Mayuzumi's grumpy and wondering if Miu had to twist this guy's arm to get him to do it with her or if he'd jumped at it the second she wanted to...or if he'd thrown himself at her without any prompting at all. ]
[ He just doesn't want making love to lose its meaning. He wouldn't ever call it sex, if it were between the three of them.
But he can tell Mayuzumi's in a bad mood now, which sets him in a bad mood too because he doesn't know what Mayuzumi's even mad about. Just because they don't meet eye to eye about moonlacing doesn't mean Mayuzumi has to get grumpy with him. So, after finishing his soup, he simply states: ]
[ Mayuzumi still won't meet Akashi's gaze; he made a mistake in asking about Miu for sure, but he didn't expect it to bother him enough that he's still stewing over it even after they finish eating. After all, he'd met her in Empatheias without any kind of issue over it; at the time he'd even been more irritated that Akashi was ahead of him in the girlfriend game. But that was before Mayuzumi fell for Akashi... ]
...I'm not angry. [ He mutters eventually, which seems contradictory to what he said before that, but it's also technically more accurate.
Because he's jealous, and kind of embarrassed to admit it. ]
I don't need the Emperor Eye to see it. We're connected.
[ Akashi doesn't meant to make it sound sappy or anything, but... he does mean what he says.
He reaches for Mayuzumi's bowl, and it looks as if he's setting it aside to clean it, which he does set aside, but only so he can reach for Mayuzumi's hand. The bowl was in the way. ]
[ Mayuzumi flushes at Akashi talking about the two of them being connected and the touch of Akashi's hand. ]
Yeah, yeah...soulmates, whatever.
[ He still isn't looking at Akashi, but he doesn't pull his hand away either. He's also weirdly frustrated over the guy being kind of solicitous rather than argumentative, because it just makes him feel like he's being ridiculous and getting annoyed over nothing.
It's really unfair, but hasn't life been like that all the time for him? He should've expected it'd end up like this, with him being the bad guy again. ]
It's notβ
[ He sighs, putting his head down on the table, resting on his arm. Why did he have to insist on this whole honesty thing between them, anyway? It was easier before he'd done that, when they were just friends and he could give the guy the brush off if he didn't feel like dealing with something and leave it at that; he still could try avoiding the issue, but he knows it'll just get thrown in his face that he's being hypocritical sooner or later.
Relationships seriously are a pain in the ass. ]
...It's not like that. I'm not an idiot, I know you can't change what happened with Hinasaki, but...I don't like it.
[ His ears are starting to turn pink; damn it, he hates this. He's nineteen and a university student, yet here he is sounding like an overly clingy middle school girlfriend. It's way too embarrassing! ]
I get that it's different if it's with a girl and it's too soon for you. Just...don't make me have to wait too long.
Somehow, he didn't expect Mayuzumi to be upset about that. He's surprised and he ends up letting go of Mayuzumi. His hand hovers over the other's palm for a few seconds before Akashi retracts his arm completely. Both his hands fall to his lap and he looks down, unable to meet Mayuzumi in the eye. Not that he's looking at Akashi, anyway. ]
I'm sorry.
[ He knows it's not his fault, but... he feels the need to apologise, regardless. He doesn't really... understand the jealousy of being first or second or whatever, but. . . he's hurting Mayuzumi too because of his past with Miu. Emerald already beats herself up constantly because of how Akashi revered Miu and she'd compare herself to her. What happened when the two of them were trying to pilot a GIGA is still fresh in his mind. He doesn't want to hurt Mayuzumi, too. Emerald said she didn't want to lose any part of Akashi, though. He's not sure how to fix that now when Mayuzumi is upset, too.
If it's the topic of being ready, though, Akashi's not sure. He's honestly never thought about being ready or not. Mayuzumi's company if precious and one of the most important things in his life right now, and he does like it when they're kissing, when they're close and when he can feel Mayuzumi's heat against his skin. Admittedly, he'd thought about doing more more than once, but it happening in real life is different. He wouldn't say that Mayuzumi is eager for wanting Akashi the way he does, though. Akashi is quite flattered, and he's fine with Mayuzumi wanting him.
Akashi closes his eyes for a moment. He's thinking too much. ]
[ Mayuzumi doesn't answer right away; he feels an ache when Akashi pulls away from him. Damn it, this isn't why he came over here tonight. He'd wanted to reassure the guy and instead ended up stirring up a different problem. ]
...You don't have to apologize. Like I said, you can't change what's already happened, and it's normal to do things like that with someone you're dating.
[ Which is why he wants to do that too. But he also doesn't want Akashi to feel he has to do anything before he's ready, either. ]
It's just...frustrating, that's all.
[ There isn't actually a line but Mayuzumi still feels like he's on the end of it, somehow; the first to get close to the guy, but the last to fall for him. In a lot of ways Akashi became the most important person in Mayuzumi's life since that initial rooftop encounter back at Rakuzan, until he met Emerald and that particular place within him grew to hold two people. The guy gave him the chance of a lifetime to live a dream he'd given up on and in the process opened up a new world for him, their time together in Verens only a natural continuation of that process. And now that they've become romantically involved it's inevitably stirred up his selfish and possessive side.
It's fine if it's with Emerald...because Emerald belongs to Mayuzumi too. But beyond that special exception Mayuzumi wants to monopolize Akashi, wants to be the center of Akashi's entire world, wants Akashi to be looking at nobody else but him and thinking of nobody else but him, and if he could have he would've greedily hoarded the chance to take Akashi's first kiss and Akashi's first time all to himself. He sure as hell wants to be the first guy Akashi has sex with.
If he could have he would've made sure Akashi fell for him first, too.
But it's not something that can be changed; when it was only the two of them connected by the bond of their partnership the idea of dating the guy was nowhere in Mayuzumi's mind, and so he'd missed his chance back then at something he didn't know he even wanted. Miu having entered Akashi's romantic life first and Mayuzumi being the last is just the way their lives worked out. It's not even a real problem except in Mayuzumi's own mind.
Which one of us is the guy who wanted to bind our souls together again? Maybe despite his balking at the idea he understands why Akashi would feel that way more than he wants to admit. And why is he even getting worked up over this when Akashi does feel that way and wants to do something that extreme to keep them connected, anyway?
...Because the guy had wanted to do something like that with Miu, too...
He gets up with a sigh, gathering up his dishes to take to the sink; he's feeling restless and needs to actually do something instead of just sit here brooding. ]
[ It feels weird like this. Mayuzumi's gotten mad and frustrated before, but because of basketball. Akashi would offer some words then, both harsh and encouraging at the same time. He was Mayuzumi's captain, after all. He had to do those things. If tension sprung between the two of them, it was because Akashi had a goal that they both needed to meet.
Now that their relationship's become more personal, though, Akashi doesn't want Mayuzumi to be angry or frustrated. He gets up, too, snatching Mayuzumi's plate from his hands so he can be the one to bring them to the sink. Then he gets his own so he can wash both together. ]
Just sit, please. I said I'll take care of you.
[ He's not really sure how to fix Mayuzumi's mood yet, but... he'll do anything to be able to get Mayuzumi to smile at him again. And maybe get his hair ruffled, too. It's always comforting when Mayuzumi does it. ]
[ Which sounds kind of childish even to his own ears, and it makes his flush darken a little; Mayuzumi doesn't actually squabble over the dishes though, letting Akashi take them without a fight. Instead he follows Akashi to the kitchen and leans against the counter to watch the guy while he's at the sink, his arms crossed.
He might be irritated, but...he doesn't hate Akashi wanting to take care of him. He's maybe gotten used to being the one looking out for Akashi lately and he might be an independent kind of guy at heart, but it feels pretty nice being fussed over.
If anything, feeling cared for and like he's important to the guy is exactly what he wants to feel like right now, and so his frown softens into something more like a pout. ]
...Sorry.
[ He says it quietly; this really is an embarrassing situation for him and apologizing for it only makes it moreso. ]
[ Akashi looks sorry himself, but it's merely a look he gives Mayuzumi rather than apologising again. Instead, he focuses on washing the dishes and putting them on the rack next to the sink to dry once he's done. ]
What would you like to do now?
[ Quite frankly, Akashi would be fine with just watching tv together or reading a book separately while seated next to each other. In some ways, Akashi is interesting, but he himself finds interest and enjoyment in the most mundane of things. They are things that he doesn't usually get to do back in Japan, after all. ]
[ Mayuzumi doesn't answer at first; instead he steps forward and slips his arms around Akashi from behind while the guy's fussing with stacking dishes on the drying rack. It's self-serving because he's feeling kind of clingy due to those jealous feelings right now, but it's also another form of apology for being difficult after they'd already had a disagreement earlier. ]
...I guess I wouldn't mind reading together, but...not like before. I want you close to me.
[ He won't be satisfied reading together the way they did sometimes in Verens, where they'd just share the room comfortably in the way that friends do. Now he's trying to say that he wants Akashi cuddled up to him for it, but without actually using that embarrassing word. ]
[ The hairs on Akashi's body stand up when Mayuzumi hugs him. It's still a little nervewracking when Mayuzumi touches him. He's not nervous when it's with Emerald, but this is new. He at least relaxes a second later, but he says nothing regarding his tension. It's probably obvious enough... he doesn't need to say anything. ]
Did you bring something to read?
[ Akashi has books, too, but Mayuzumi's more into reading (trash) than he is. He waits for an answer before offering his suggestion, leaning back against Mayuzumi and tilting his head to the side a little so he can look at him. ]
[ Which is probably a tell of just how unsettled and concerned Mayuzumi was by their earlier conversation on the network, because it's kind of unusual for him to step out of his apartment without a volume on him.
Something else Mayuzumi picks up on is Akashi's posture stiffening when he embraces the guy, which he supposes is...natural. Akashi still isn't used to being held by another guy like this, probably. Or maybe it's because it's Mayuzumi specifically who's doing it, even.
Either way, he debates whether he should back off, but Akashi leaning into it makes him decide against it. If the guy isn't used to being hugged by him, that just means Mayuzumi needs to hug him more to get Akashi used to it, right? ]
You already have an idea of what I like, so I'm sure you can suggest something.
... I was saving it for a more special occasion, but I bought some books for you.
[ That is to say, he means to give it to him on a date or something because they've never gone on one... but this is fine too, he guesses. He moves Mayuzumi's hands away but only so he can take one and pull him up to his "bedroom" which is just up his loft apartment. There's no door or anything, but what's above the living and dining area is where he sleeps. It's tidy, as expected from Akashi.
He lets go of Mayuzumi so he can check one of the cabinets, then he pulls out a short stack of books, all light novels. There are about three of them - the second to fourth volumes of the series that Akashi gave him when they were in Amegahara. ]
I suppose I'll get you something else for next time.
[ There's something else from Amegahara that he's yet to give. A ring. It's definitely a little too early for that. ]
[ Mayuzumi does glance around the loft bedroom a bit, but his attention's drawn to the books Akashi pulls out pretty quickly. ]
...Ah, you...really went out of your way to get me these?
[ He can't deny he's pretty happy that Akashi wanted to surprise him with a gift, a little pink flushing into his cheeks from realizing that the guy was thinking of him enough back then to pick these up.
There's a present of his own that Mayuzumi's been holding onto since their visit to Amegahara, a bracelet that matches the necklace he gave to Emerald when they returned; it's the sort of thing that's meant as a gift to give the guy after taking him on a proper date, something Mayuzumi has yet to do but intends to. He wants Akashi to feel equally special to him and all, since he'd also gone that far with Emerald.
...Even if these relationships are progressing at different rates, but that's also fine; there's a lot between him and Akashi that they still need to feel out and become comfortable with as lovers rather than just friends, as their disagreements today kind of prove.
He rubs the back of his neck, feeling a little awkward but not in a bad way; if Akashi was trying to figure out a way to soften Mayuzumi's jealous feelings, he hit on a pretty successful method. ]
Thanks. The first one was pretty good, so I wouldn't mind checking out the rest.
I don't think I perfectly know your taste just yet, but I thought you might be interested in what happens next.
[ He does consider Mayuzumi very often. He's the mom-type that way, but more importantly, Mayuzumi's almost always in his thoughts, the same way Emerald is.
Even if they aren't with him, he thinks about them and considers their preferences before making any decisions of his own. They're his priority nowβthe most important people in his life. ]
Would you like to read the second volume together?
And I am interested, really. I mean...it shouldn't be too hard for you to figure out what I think of this particular trope if we're talking about my tastes.
[ Namely, a cute kouhai that longs to be the center of their senpai's attention. Akashi has to know how Mayuzumi feels about something like that by now, especially after what happened in Amegahara after Akashi gave him the first volume...
He glances off to the side...which means his gaze is focused on Akashi's bed. ]
So...did you want to read together on the couch downstairs?
Or up here?
[ It occurs to him Akashi might've maneuvered them both up here on purpose just so Mayuzumi would be in an easier position to ask that question and get them in bed together for some literary cuddling. Regardless of whether that's actually the case or not, he won't shirk from trying to complete this particular play. ]
Oh. [ He'd assumed that they could read in bed. Akashi can switch off the lights downstairs from where they are now, so they don't have to worry about going down. ] It's more convenient here, isn't it?
[ But he'll throw the decision-making Mayuzumi's way.
Then again, he's not going to be doing much of the reading. He's going to be admiring. ]
[ If the guy's leaving it up to him, of course Mayuzumi's going to go for it. He might not always say it in so many words like he has tonight, but even if that whole soulbonding thing isn't something he's prepared to tackle he still does really want to be close to Akashi, and when that jealousy's still lingering in the back of his mind, albeit more subdued now, he wants it even more. ]
So we might as well get comfortable.
[ And he does, getting into bed and propping himself up against the headboard and pillows, volume in hand. There's plenty of room beside him for Akashi to cuddle up, and the way he drapes his other arm over the pillows at his side rather than closing his posture off is silently inviting the guy to take advantage of the opportunity to snuggle in close. ]
[ Akashi's smile brightens when he gets the go-signal to get comfy. He sits down on the edge of the bed to remove his shoes before moving backwards. It's only then that he slowly lays himself down next to Mayuzumi. His eyes are curious, almost a little unsure, but he's mostly looking at Mayuzumi the way he does because he's admiring him. ]
[ Mayuzumi's focused on the book at first, his expression growing thoughtful as he reads through the first few pages. It's the same calm kind of look Mayuzumi would have when spending his free time reading on the Rakuzan rooftop; an unguarded face with a slight smile that Akashi might have glimpsed sometime if he'd ever paused at the stairwell's door to observe before stepping out to make his presence known, and one that would evaporate into an irritated frown the second he did.
But that scowl isn't anywhere in sight now; as frustrating as Akashi can be to handle at times the guy isn't an irritating and unwanted intruder upon Mayuzumi's life anymore, but someone Mayuzumi's invited into his life, his confidence, and his heart. Despite how difficult to read Mayuzumi sometimes might be, maybe he's a simple kind of guy after all, if having someone he loves close by because they want to spend time with him makes him satisfied and content.
...Although, he can't necessarily say he's fully relaxed right now, because there's a definite tension to having Akashi within an intimate distance, especially when he realizes the guy's just watching him with an open kind of curiosity.
Cute... As cute as the lively smile the guy gave him when he'd assented to this. ]
...I thought we were going to read together. Are you just gonna watch me?
[ His voice is soft when he says it, like the brush of his free hand through Akashi's hair.
Because he doesn't dislike being the center of Akashi's attention at all; if anything, he isn't fully admitting just how much he wants to be... ]
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If I hear anything about how to change him back I'll let you know.
Although...you'll really have to get a house or find somewhere else you can keep him if you do get him back to normal.
[ His attention seems to suddenly be focused on his salad when he continues. ]
I'm pretty sure Chroma's not going to be much of a problem, though. I mean...between the three of us we'll...probably make plenty.
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I suppose Mayuzumi-san and Emerald are at the right age to be very sexually active...
[ But he's only a high school student??? ]
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At least it's an easier topic for him to talk about in general now that he's not a virgin anymore, even if he's still unsure about how Akashi feels about having sex with him; it might be too soon for the guy. ]
...Yeah, I suppose. It's true that I'm probably not going to turn her down whenever she wants to do it with me. But aren't you leaving yourself out here?
[ There's a little hesitation since he hadn't wanted to pry into Akashi's love life back them, but it's probably fine for him to talk about it now considering he's definitely become part of the guy's love life himself and Akashi's experience level and how he feels about having sex has kind of become relevant to their circumstances. ]
...I mean, I kind of thought you and Hinasaki had probably...
[ He glances off to the side; it might be relevant, but it does still feel a little weird for him now to talk about Miu in a way that it wasn't before. It's fine if it's Emerald, but there's something that bugs him now about the thought of Akashi having done anything with someone else. Especially something he hasn't done with the guy himself.
But even thinking about the fact that Miu at least had to have stolen Akashi's first kiss...
Yeah, he doesn't like that very much. ]
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He tries to shelve her in the back of his mind at all times. He's very happy with Emerald and he's also very happy with Mayuzumi. It just would have been nice if he and Miu broke up properly instead of him being left behind to pick up the pieces by himself.
He'll forget about Miu if he has toβhe already opened up the possibility to Emerald, but to Mayuzumi, he hasn't. Still, the option is there on the table if it would make both of them happy. At the very least, there wouldn't be a hole in Akashi's heart anymore because of it. ]
Once.
[ He says it a little coolly, before looking away. ]
I'd like for intimacy to remain intimate, not an act for getting both money and pleasure.
[ But he's not trying to say that Mayuzumi and Emerald just do it for the cash. He just doesn't want sex or making out or whatever else to be such a common thing between them all that it gets bland. He'd like it to be special, because that's what it should be. Maybe it's a little idealistic and traditional, but Akashi would rather starve and crystallise than have sex with someone because he wants to have Chroma. He'd like feelings involved, too.
But he's definitely going to change his mind when his moonblessings manifest in the future. ]
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[ It's irritating to know Mayuzumi was right about that suspicion. His disapproval tugs at the corners of his mouth, from the fact that there's things Miu did with Akashi that he hasn't gotten to do yet with the guy.
It's not fair at all, when Mayuzumi was the one who knew Akashi first and got close to Akashi first, even if their relationship hadn't been like that back then. He knows it's not rational, but he can't help being a little prickly anyway, especially when it's followed up with a statement that suggests his supply of something he hasn't even gotten his first taste of is going to be needlessly limited. ]
Just because it's also practical it doesn't mean it's not intimate, you know.
[ Mayuzumi just doesn't see the problem here. It's not like he'd do it if he wasn't in the mood unless it was an emergency, like one of them running so low on Chroma that they were going to crystallize or something like that. He's the kind of guy who expresses his affection better through showing it rather than sentimental babbling; he can't picture doing it with either of them without that emotional connection naturally being a part of it, even if they had sex every day. ]
...But whatever. I'm not gonna make you do something you don't want to do, especially not this. Just don't get jealous and make a fuss if I end up doing it with Em lots instead of joining you in the monastery.
[ Leave it to a rich brat to be stingy even about something like this. What kind of weirdo wouldn't take advantage of a practical excuse to have as much sex as he wants with his hot girlfriend and hot boyfriend anyway??
And it's maybe petty of him to use that endearment on purpose to flaunt that extra depth of intimacy with Emerald, but Mayuzumi's grumpy and wondering if Miu had to twist this guy's arm to get him to do it with her or if he'd jumped at it the second she wanted to...or if he'd thrown himself at her without any prompting at all. ]
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[ He just doesn't want making love to lose its meaning. He wouldn't ever call it sex, if it were between the three of them.
But he can tell Mayuzumi's in a bad mood now, which sets him in a bad mood too because he doesn't know what Mayuzumi's even mad about. Just because they don't meet eye to eye about moonlacing doesn't mean Mayuzumi has to get grumpy with him. So, after finishing his soup, he simply states: ]
You're angry.
[ So tell him what that's all about. ]
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[ Mayuzumi still won't meet Akashi's gaze; he made a mistake in asking about Miu for sure, but he didn't expect it to bother him enough that he's still stewing over it even after they finish eating. After all, he'd met her in Empatheias without any kind of issue over it; at the time he'd even been more irritated that Akashi was ahead of him in the girlfriend game. But that was before Mayuzumi fell for Akashi... ]
...I'm not angry. [ He mutters eventually, which seems contradictory to what he said before that, but it's also technically more accurate.
Because he's jealous, and kind of embarrassed to admit it. ]
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[ Akashi doesn't meant to make it sound sappy or anything, but... he does mean what he says.
He reaches for Mayuzumi's bowl, and it looks as if he's setting it aside to clean it, which he does set aside, but only so he can reach for Mayuzumi's hand. The bowl was in the way. ]
Did I do something wrong again?
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Yeah, yeah...soulmates, whatever.
[ He still isn't looking at Akashi, but he doesn't pull his hand away either. He's also weirdly frustrated over the guy being kind of solicitous rather than argumentative, because it just makes him feel like he's being ridiculous and getting annoyed over nothing.
It's really unfair, but hasn't life been like that all the time for him? He should've expected it'd end up like this, with him being the bad guy again. ]
It's notβ
[ He sighs, putting his head down on the table, resting on his arm. Why did he have to insist on this whole honesty thing between them, anyway? It was easier before he'd done that, when they were just friends and he could give the guy the brush off if he didn't feel like dealing with something and leave it at that; he still could try avoiding the issue, but he knows it'll just get thrown in his face that he's being hypocritical sooner or later.
Relationships seriously are a pain in the ass. ]
...It's not like that. I'm not an idiot, I know you can't change what happened with Hinasaki, but...I don't like it.
[ His ears are starting to turn pink; damn it, he hates this. He's nineteen and a university student, yet here he is sounding like an overly clingy middle school girlfriend. It's way too embarrassing! ]
I get that it's different if it's with a girl and it's too soon for you. Just...don't make me have to wait too long.
I knew you first, damn it.
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Somehow, he didn't expect Mayuzumi to be upset about that. He's surprised and he ends up letting go of Mayuzumi. His hand hovers over the other's palm for a few seconds before Akashi retracts his arm completely. Both his hands fall to his lap and he looks down, unable to meet Mayuzumi in the eye. Not that he's looking at Akashi, anyway. ]
I'm sorry.
[ He knows it's not his fault, but... he feels the need to apologise, regardless. He doesn't really... understand the jealousy of being first or second or whatever, but. . . he's hurting Mayuzumi too because of his past with Miu. Emerald already beats herself up constantly because of how Akashi revered Miu and she'd compare herself to her. What happened when the two of them were trying to pilot a GIGA is still fresh in his mind. He doesn't want to hurt Mayuzumi, too. Emerald said she didn't want to lose any part of Akashi, though. He's not sure how to fix that now when Mayuzumi is upset, too.
If it's the topic of being ready, though, Akashi's not sure. He's honestly never thought about being ready or not. Mayuzumi's company if precious and one of the most important things in his life right now, and he does like it when they're kissing, when they're close and when he can feel Mayuzumi's heat against his skin. Admittedly, he'd thought about doing more more than once, but it happening in real life is different. He wouldn't say that Mayuzumi is eager for wanting Akashi the way he does, though. Akashi is quite flattered, and he's fine with Mayuzumi wanting him.
Akashi closes his eyes for a moment. He's thinking too much. ]
I will tell you when.
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...You don't have to apologize. Like I said, you can't change what's already happened, and it's normal to do things like that with someone you're dating.
[ Which is why he wants to do that too. But he also doesn't want Akashi to feel he has to do anything before he's ready, either. ]
It's just...frustrating, that's all.
[ There isn't actually a line but Mayuzumi still feels like he's on the end of it, somehow; the first to get close to the guy, but the last to fall for him. In a lot of ways Akashi became the most important person in Mayuzumi's life since that initial rooftop encounter back at Rakuzan, until he met Emerald and that particular place within him grew to hold two people. The guy gave him the chance of a lifetime to live a dream he'd given up on and in the process opened up a new world for him, their time together in Verens only a natural continuation of that process. And now that they've become romantically involved it's inevitably stirred up his selfish and possessive side.
It's fine if it's with Emerald...because Emerald belongs to Mayuzumi too. But beyond that special exception Mayuzumi wants to monopolize Akashi, wants to be the center of Akashi's entire world, wants Akashi to be looking at nobody else but him and thinking of nobody else but him, and if he could have he would've greedily hoarded the chance to take Akashi's first kiss and Akashi's first time all to himself. He sure as hell wants to be the first guy Akashi has sex with.
If he could have he would've made sure Akashi fell for him first, too.
But it's not something that can be changed; when it was only the two of them connected by the bond of their partnership the idea of dating the guy was nowhere in Mayuzumi's mind, and so he'd missed his chance back then at something he didn't know he even wanted. Miu having entered Akashi's romantic life first and Mayuzumi being the last is just the way their lives worked out. It's not even a real problem except in Mayuzumi's own mind.
Which one of us is the guy who wanted to bind our souls together again? Maybe despite his balking at the idea he understands why Akashi would feel that way more than he wants to admit. And why is he even getting worked up over this when Akashi does feel that way and wants to do something that extreme to keep them connected, anyway?
...Because the guy had wanted to do something like that with Miu, too...
He gets up with a sigh, gathering up his dishes to take to the sink; he's feeling restless and needs to actually do something instead of just sit here brooding. ]
Come on, I'll clean up.
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Now that their relationship's become more personal, though, Akashi doesn't want Mayuzumi to be angry or frustrated. He gets up, too, snatching Mayuzumi's plate from his hands so he can be the one to bring them to the sink. Then he gets his own so he can wash both together. ]
Just sit, please. I said I'll take care of you.
[ He's not really sure how to fix Mayuzumi's mood yet, but... he'll do anything to be able to get Mayuzumi to smile at him again. And maybe get his hair ruffled, too. It's always comforting when Mayuzumi does it. ]
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I don't want to sit.
[ Which sounds kind of childish even to his own ears, and it makes his flush darken a little; Mayuzumi doesn't actually squabble over the dishes though, letting Akashi take them without a fight. Instead he follows Akashi to the kitchen and leans against the counter to watch the guy while he's at the sink, his arms crossed.
He might be irritated, but...he doesn't hate Akashi wanting to take care of him. He's maybe gotten used to being the one looking out for Akashi lately and he might be an independent kind of guy at heart, but it feels pretty nice being fussed over.
If anything, feeling cared for and like he's important to the guy is exactly what he wants to feel like right now, and so his frown softens into something more like a pout. ]
...Sorry.
[ He says it quietly; this really is an embarrassing situation for him and apologizing for it only makes it moreso. ]
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What would you like to do now?
[ Quite frankly, Akashi would be fine with just watching tv together or reading a book separately while seated next to each other. In some ways, Akashi is interesting, but he himself finds interest and enjoyment in the most mundane of things. They are things that he doesn't usually get to do back in Japan, after all. ]
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...I guess I wouldn't mind reading together, but...not like before. I want you close to me.
[ He won't be satisfied reading together the way they did sometimes in Verens, where they'd just share the room comfortably in the way that friends do. Now he's trying to say that he wants Akashi cuddled up to him for it, but without actually using that embarrassing word. ]
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Did you bring something to read?
[ Akashi has books, too, but Mayuzumi's more into reading (trash) than he is. He waits for an answer before offering his suggestion, leaning back against Mayuzumi and tilting his head to the side a little so he can look at him. ]
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[ Which is probably a tell of just how unsettled and concerned Mayuzumi was by their earlier conversation on the network, because it's kind of unusual for him to step out of his apartment without a volume on him.
Something else Mayuzumi picks up on is Akashi's posture stiffening when he embraces the guy, which he supposes is...natural. Akashi still isn't used to being held by another guy like this, probably. Or maybe it's because it's Mayuzumi specifically who's doing it, even.
Either way, he debates whether he should back off, but Akashi leaning into it makes him decide against it. If the guy isn't used to being hugged by him, that just means Mayuzumi needs to hug him more to get Akashi used to it, right? ]
You already have an idea of what I like, so I'm sure you can suggest something.
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[ That is to say, he means to give it to him on a date or something because they've never gone on one... but this is fine too, he guesses. He moves Mayuzumi's hands away but only so he can take one and pull him up to his "bedroom" which is just up his loft apartment. There's no door or anything, but what's above the living and dining area is where he sleeps. It's tidy, as expected from Akashi.
He lets go of Mayuzumi so he can check one of the cabinets, then he pulls out a short stack of books, all light novels. There are about three of them - the second to fourth volumes of the series that Akashi gave him when they were in Amegahara. ]
I suppose I'll get you something else for next time.
[ There's something else from Amegahara that he's yet to give. A ring. It's definitely a little too early for that. ]
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...Ah, you...really went out of your way to get me these?
[ He can't deny he's pretty happy that Akashi wanted to surprise him with a gift, a little pink flushing into his cheeks from realizing that the guy was thinking of him enough back then to pick these up.
There's a present of his own that Mayuzumi's been holding onto since their visit to Amegahara, a bracelet that matches the necklace he gave to Emerald when they returned; it's the sort of thing that's meant as a gift to give the guy after taking him on a proper date, something Mayuzumi has yet to do but intends to. He wants Akashi to feel equally special to him and all, since he'd also gone that far with Emerald.
...Even if these relationships are progressing at different rates, but that's also fine; there's a lot between him and Akashi that they still need to feel out and become comfortable with as lovers rather than just friends, as their disagreements today kind of prove.
He rubs the back of his neck, feeling a little awkward but not in a bad way; if Akashi was trying to figure out a way to soften Mayuzumi's jealous feelings, he hit on a pretty successful method. ]
Thanks. The first one was pretty good, so I wouldn't mind checking out the rest.
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[ He does consider Mayuzumi very often. He's the mom-type that way, but more importantly, Mayuzumi's almost always in his thoughts, the same way Emerald is.
Even if they aren't with him, he thinks about them and considers their preferences before making any decisions of his own. They're his priority nowβthe most important people in his life. ]
Would you like to read the second volume together?
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And I am interested, really. I mean...it shouldn't be too hard for you to figure out what I think of this particular trope if we're talking about my tastes.
[ Namely, a cute kouhai that longs to be the center of their senpai's attention. Akashi has to know how Mayuzumi feels about something like that by now, especially after what happened in Amegahara after Akashi gave him the first volume...
He glances off to the side...which means his gaze is focused on Akashi's bed. ]
So...did you want to read together on the couch downstairs?
Or up here?
[ It occurs to him Akashi might've maneuvered them both up here on purpose just so Mayuzumi would be in an easier position to ask that question and get them in bed together for some literary cuddling. Regardless of whether that's actually the case or not, he won't shirk from trying to complete this particular play. ]
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[ But he'll throw the decision-making Mayuzumi's way.
Then again, he's not going to be doing much of the reading. He's going to be admiring. ]
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[ If the guy's leaving it up to him, of course Mayuzumi's going to go for it. He might not always say it in so many words like he has tonight, but even if that whole soulbonding thing isn't something he's prepared to tackle he still does really want to be close to Akashi, and when that jealousy's still lingering in the back of his mind, albeit more subdued now, he wants it even more. ]
So we might as well get comfortable.
[ And he does, getting into bed and propping himself up against the headboard and pillows, volume in hand. There's plenty of room beside him for Akashi to cuddle up, and the way he drapes his other arm over the pillows at his side rather than closing his posture off is silently inviting the guy to take advantage of the opportunity to snuggle in close. ]
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But that scowl isn't anywhere in sight now; as frustrating as Akashi can be to handle at times the guy isn't an irritating and unwanted intruder upon Mayuzumi's life anymore, but someone Mayuzumi's invited into his life, his confidence, and his heart. Despite how difficult to read Mayuzumi sometimes might be, maybe he's a simple kind of guy after all, if having someone he loves close by because they want to spend time with him makes him satisfied and content.
...Although, he can't necessarily say he's fully relaxed right now, because there's a definite tension to having Akashi within an intimate distance, especially when he realizes the guy's just watching him with an open kind of curiosity.
Cute... As cute as the lively smile the guy gave him when he'd assented to this. ]
...I thought we were going to read together. Are you just gonna watch me?
[ His voice is soft when he says it, like the brush of his free hand through Akashi's hair.
Because he doesn't dislike being the center of Akashi's attention at all; if anything, he isn't fully admitting just how much he wants to be... ]
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