[ Mayuzumi's calmed down some since comforting Emerald and through the walk here, but his expression's still dark and his posture closed off, hands in his jacket pockets. He can see Akashi's also upset about what happened and he doesn't like that either, but the guy said some stuff that's just beyond the pale and Mayuzumi can't let it slide without calling it out. ]
...I'm sure you already figured I wouldn't stay out of it after you made her cry.
[ Because on a fundamental level, Mayuzumi can't overlook just how lost and hurt she was when she showed up on his doorstep; if Akashi and Emerald just had a regular argument he wouldn't be interfering. He's not remotely the most conscientious guy but even he internalized what his dad told him as a little kid about how guys shouldn't make girls cry, especially if it's the girl they like.
And since Akashi isn't even trying to explain himself, Mayuzumi will just say what he's been stewing over. He isn't raising his voice, but his tone isn't kind. ]
I can't believe I have to even say something about this again, but you'll kill yourself if that guy tries to kill you? Seriously? What the hell kind of stupid thing to say is that to someone who's already worried we'll die if those people she worked with before show up here? Didn't you already almost get killed if it wasn't for her before because you were too proud to listen to her? Do you think I'm any happier knowing you'd care more about saving face than doing your best to stay alive in that kind of situation than she is?
[ They're not questions he's expecting direct answers to, so he continues. ]
Well. Since you've been an idiot about that stuff before I suppose it's not a total surprise, even if I thought you already learned your lesson. But are you really gonna throw her away if she doesn't cut ties with that guy without giving her a chance to handle it?
For a guy who was going on about binding our three souls together you're a lot more fickle than I thought. I guess it really is a good thing I talked you out of rushing into that, huh?
[ Of course his natural instinct is to rise above all other things. Akashi can at least admit that to Mayuzumi.
He keeps his hands to his sides, fighting the urge to make any gestures that would reveal that his hands are shaking. He doesn't like this situation any more than Mayuzumi or Emerald does. Emerald's always been there for him. There have been times when her actions would terrify him; he'd been afraid that she would hurt him, but their bond only grew stronger after that. He thought she'd stick by him, but he feels utterly betrayed that she would still call Mercury a friend even after what that guy said. ]
... I don't want to die.
[ He looks to the side after saying that, looking and feeling shameful for admitting weakness. He balls a hand into a fist and it shakes slightly, but he digs his nails in his skin as a means to control himself. ]
Emerald still called Mercury a friend even after he threatened us. [ And this is the part that's difficult to explain, even for Akashi. He can feel his own heart beating faster and his breathing gets heavier. He lets out a deep breath. ] She's going to remain friends with somebody who said he would kill us.
[ Mayuzumi isn't going to argue with that at all. But he also said what he wanted to about that and Akashi's acknowledging being thoughtless; kicking the guy while he's down isn't what he's actually trying to do here.
This frustrating guy in front of him is someone really important to him too, after all; part of him wanted to give Akashi a headpat and a hug and tell him everything would be fine the moment he saw the guy's face, and he still wants to regardless. Mayuzumi doesn't want either of the people he loves to be hurt and suffering, but he has to make Akashi understand the bigger picture of their shared situation before he can offer comfort.
His voice softens to something more neutral. ]
I'm not any happier about Mercury threatening us, you know. But if she thinks she can talk him down then I'm trusting her to deal with it.
[ And Mayuzumi realizes trust is probably part of the problem here. Mayuzumi trusts in Emerald, even knowing about her past, even if she's friends with someone who's potentially dangerous to them. He trusts that she knows what she's doing when it comes to protecting them and trusts in her desire to keep them all safe enough to listen to her and do what she asks without making a big fuss, even if he doesn't necessarily like what that means sometimes.
Akashi...wants to fix everything himself, and thinks he has the right answers for every situation just because he's usually right when it comes to academics or athletics; it means the guy doesn't really let himself trust her judgment or follow her lead. It's what almost got him killed by those rebels months ago and it's part of this massive mistake he's thinking of making now. If Mercury's a problem, then Emerald should simply get rid of the guy, problem solved, and Emerald should just knuckle under instead of trying to resolve it her own way.
In isolation, it's a straightforward solution that works. But it's not taking into account that their situation and life in general is way more complicated than math tests and basketball plays.
Especially a life involving someone like Emerald. ]
...She isn't like us. There's no way you don't know what her life was like before she ended up in Verens. Even if you can't stand each other that guy's probably saved her life plenty of times when she didn't have anybody else backing her up. You can't expect her to just walk away from that like it means nothing just because you say so, especially when you're acting like she can't rely on you to stick with her the next time she steps out of line again.
[ And Mayuzumi maybe understands that about her a little more because even if his life was easier, even if he has a family, Akashi's the one person who became truly irreplaceable to him; despite the headaches and despite those times when the guy frankly treated him like shit, he still couldn't find it in him to let go. And he wouldn't abandon Akashi now just because someone else told him to, even Emerald. ]
It isn't just that, either.
I mean, I get how you feel. Don't think I'm not afraid of what might happen just because I don't look it.
[ He visibly hesitates; he doesn't want to scare Akashi anymore than the guy already is, and Mayuzumi's honestly not sure if it's even the right thing to do to completely level with him. He might just make the situation worse instead of better and end up ruining everything.
But he can't stand here and tell Akashi that everything's fine and there's nothing they need to worry about if Emerald gets Mercury to back off.
He takes a deep breath before speaking quietly. ]
...I know you told her you love her before, she said so, but...how serious about that are you, really?
[ It's worrisome all the time. Emerald tells him she loves him, but he worries that she'd take back what she said that she wants go be with him, go home with him. She says a lot of things based on emotion, and she could take all of that back the moment she feels something else.
He'd always worried about Mercury because he was a factor in all of this, too. Emerald would have to leave everything and everyone she knows behind if she wants a life with Akashi (and Mayuzumi). Emerald saying she wanted Mercury to come with her was something Akashi didn't like, but he considered it anyway because he's important to Emerald. Akashi tried to get to know him, but it never ended well. He can't understand why Emerald thinks it's him who's being antagonising when he's the one reaching out to one of her friends so they can all live peacefully.
He's always been scared that Emerald would choose Mercury over him. This has been going on for months. Emerald knows—she knows, but she's not doing anything about it. Instead, she tells Akashi this and that without proper reason, and when he asks for a reason, she begrudgingly gives it to him. Emerald said she didn't want to be shut out before, so why is she doing the same thing to Akashi now?
Because it's Mercury.
Akashi could care less about what he and Emerald have gone through. At the end of the day, there's a threat looming over Akashi and Mayuzumi's head. Even if it was said as a joke, it's not okay, because Mercury is completely capable of killing them. It's so easy for him to do. He doesn't understand why Emerald would remain friends with someone who would threaten the people she loves. He honestly doesn't. As far as he's concerned, Mercury doesn't respect Emerald enough, even though they've been partners for years. Emerald is blind if she can't notice that now. ]
Talking him down won't take back what he said. Why should Emerald be the one to adjust when she's not the one at fault here? [ It's Mercury that's the problem. If Emerald hadn't told him to stay away, Akashi would fix the problem by talking to Mercury himself. ] Why should she negotiate with him when he's the one who did something wrong? Why is he being given a chance, when without notice, he could take what's important from her away? Just because they've known each other for so many years and have gone through a lot together doesn't mean that this kind of behaviour is condonable.
[ He honestly doesn't get it, so tell him, Mayuzumi. Give him an answer that makes sense, because all this is betrayal to Akashi and it hurts the longer he thinks about it. Emerald says she loves Akashi and wants to be with him, but chooses Mercury in the end. Emerald says she wants to have a better life, but she's unwilling to change.
He thinks he's an idiot too because he knows he'd still love her even if she'd go with Mercury. He'd still try to do everything for her if it meant her happy, but... he has to protect himself. He can't have Emerald close when she's condoning Mercury's behaviour. Killing him and Mayuzumi is not okay. The question goes unanswered, though, because even if he would fight his own father just so he could be with both Emerald and Mayuzumi, he doesn't want to make this about him. ]
I'll tell you why. Because Mercury can actually do something to help keep her safe if she gets into danger, unlike us. That's why I'm not demanding she ditch him even if he said something like that.
[ That's the bottom line for Mayuzumi; beyond the two of them being partners and someone Emerald doesn't want to let go of, Mercury has the power to back her up and protect her if there's trouble. While Mayuzumi doesn't like that guy threatening them at all, he's putting his faith in Emerald to resolve the situation and isn't going to confront or antagonize Mercury and make everything worse. ]
The two of us are just regular guys who can't fight. You can't do a damned thing to protect her if something happens and neither can I. I really hate it, but the best we can do is keep our heads down when she asks us to and let that guy look out for her when she's in danger.
[ The two of them are a burden on her, even if it's one she's willing to shoulder. If Mercury thinks of them that way the guy's right and Mayuzumi wouldn't even blame him for that. ]
Haven't you even thought at all about what might happen if Salem and her pals ever show up here? Do you really think all Em has to do is decide to turn over a new leaf and those people will just let her resign from their murderer's club?
[ These are things Akashi never realised, and the moment he processes the facts, he feels powerless. His anger turns into this feeling of sadness that's directed at him, because while he knows he'll do anything for Emerald, Mayuzumi's making him realise that he really can't do anything. It sucks. It's heartbreaking, because no matter what he wants for Emerald, he can't do it all. And he can't help it when his face contorts into something messy and tears start falling down his face. ]
I can't do anything for her.
[ He just wants what's best for her but he can't do anything. He hasn't done anything, and he always gets mad at Emerald for doing wrong things when he's the one who keeps making mistakes. And right now he can't even seek comfort with anyone because he knows Mayuzumi is mad at him too, but... ]
What am I supposed to do? [ His words come out softly like a whisper, tone frustrated and clipped. He's trying to keep his volume low because some people are passing by, and but it's difficult to do that when you're crying.
Akashi doesn't want Emerald to ever leave him. He loves her too much. He's always scared, though. He was able to keep his teammates from Teikou as friends, but this is a different situation entirely. He doesn't have anyone to go to, nor does he have another personality who can take over for him now because he's so scared and so devastated. He can't hide anymore and he's not sure what to do.
He keeps his head low as he muffles down his sobs. He doesn't even think this is embarrassing even though it is. He's ultimately so lost and he's always just done things based on how he knows how to handle them. It's not often he finds himself in a situation where he has no idea what to do, and it shows with how little be feels and how he just wants to hide now. ]
[ Shit. Mayuzumi felt his only choice was to lay those hard truths he's had to accept bare, but it seems like Akashi's taking it a lot more poorly than he had. This guy in front of Mayuzumi might not always seem like it, but in some ways Akashi really is still a kid who's now having to face a grown-up reality.
Those choked back sobs completely undo Mayuzumi; the distance between them collapses in a few quick steps and he doesn't hesitate to pull Akashi into a hug.
God, Mayuzumi really hates this; seeing Emerald fall apart was already difficult enough, but Akashi doing the same rubs Mayuzumi's nerves completely raw, and his voice cracks on the epithet, his own distress at seeing the people he cares about so much hurting breaking through. ]
You idiot, she just wants us to stay by her side! You don't have to do everything or fix everything, she doesn't expect that from either of us. She just wants you to not leave her and she's terrified you will.
[ His arms around Akashi tighten. ]
Akashi, I know, I really do. There's a lot we can't do for her and I can't stand it. But...we can stay with her. We can be there when she needs us to be. We can take care of her and do everything we can to make her happy.
[ There's a lot he wants to say now. He wants to apologise because he was wrong and said things without thinking. He could explain, but he also knows he shouldn't. He also knows that it's Emerald he should apologise to most, but he knows he's wronged Mayuzumi too. He wouldn't be here otherwise. ]
I'm sorry.
[ He says it a couple more times, repeating the words until his voice cracks and the sounds he's making turns into sobs.
He doesn't want Emerald to leave. It's terrifying just thinking about it. It's why he's doing what he knows to keep her with him. He knows he's wrong now, though, but he's not really sure how to fix it. What if he says the wrong thing again? What if even after apologising, she doesn't accept it? Would she even talk to him, still?
He pulls away from Mayuzumi when the realisation sets in. His eyes are too watery and he uses his sleeves to wipe his face. Whatever finesse Akashi has is gone. Right now, he's a scared seventeen year old boy. ]
[ His hand ends up atop Akashi's head, a gesture of comfort that's become pretty automatic for him now.
Seeing Akashi break down like this is pretty upsetting, but at least it's clear the guy understands now that he was wrong and made a mistake. It's not really possible for Mayuzumi to stay mad at Akashi at this point when he's being so apologetic, even if it's not really Mayuzumi who needs the apology nearly as much as Emerald. At heart he just wants both of the people he cares about to be okay and hates seeing them so distressed.
His tone's more gentle now. ]
...It'll be okay. She still really wants to be with you, you know.
Just try to trust her and listen to her more from now on. There's things she knows how to handle better than either of us, and sometimes the best thing you can do is to just follow her lead and let her take care of a problem her own way, even if you want to make everything better for her.
[ Akashi pulls away from the touch after a second. He doesn't think he deserves the comfort, but he's also taking this pretty hard. It's not because he's made a mistake and he's an Akashi—mistakes must never be made. He made a mistake that's affected the person he cares about the most and that's not acceptable. It's why he even asked if he can still talk to her, because he doesn't think she'd give him a chance to apologise, to make up for what he's said and done.
He stays quiet for some time, just looking at nothing in particular with his head down. Then, when he isn't drowning in his thoughts anymore, he speaks. ]
Where is she?
[ Akashi was full of hate just a while ago, but Mayuzumi knocked a whole lot of sense into him that he feels pretty down now. It's difficult to adjust when you think you've been right all this time, only to be proven wrong. Akashi's even still adjusting after what happened between him and the Generation of Miracles. Maybe it's why it was pretty easy to fall back to old habits. ]
She's at my place. She wanted to stay over with me tonight, so...
[ It was really the least he could do when she'd asked; he might not be able to protect her from deadlier situations, but he can at least give her comfort and support when she needs it.
Regardless of Akashi pulling away from his touches, Mayuzumi still brushes the back of Akashi's hand with his fingers, a silent invitation to hold his hand that goes along with what he says aloud. He isn't angry at the guy anymore now that they've talked things out, so even if Akashi's being reluctant to accept his support right now he's going to stubbornly offer it anyway. ]
[ Akashi nods slowly. He could respond verbally, but his throat hurts a little that speaking is a little difficult. He's breathing fine, but every so often, he chokes back a sob that makes him take in more air than he should. Mayuzumi says it's going to be okay, but he feels terrible that he made a mistake to begin with. He doesn't like hurting Emerald, so of course he's taking this hard. He'd always tell her he wants the best for her and he wants her to be happy, but he's the one who made her unhappy now. ]
[ His hands slip back into his pockets. He figures it should be fine for the guy to see her now, since Emerald was a lot calmer when he left and it's pretty clear Akashi wants to try and patch things up with her. ]
[ It takes a little while for Akashi to come back with his coat on. His movements are just a little more controlled now, and not in the way that Akashi usually does. They're small and slow, because this has consumed a lot of his energy and he's still scared that he can't fix all of this. He wants to be with Emerald and he would do anything for her, but what if Emerald changes her mind while Mayuzumi's been away and she doesn't want to have anything to do with Akashi anymore?
He still has to apologise though, and he wants to make an effort to fix what he's done. It's why he still goes down and meets Mayuzumi outside after be fetches his coat. It's what powers his every step forward, because he does still want to be with Emerald despite what he said.
His hands remain in his pockets as they walk, and he doesn't say anything because there's not really anything to talk about. At least, not on his end. Unless Mayuzumi says something, he'll keep quiet until they get to where Emerald is. ]
[ Mayuzumi doesn't complain about the wait despite the chill. Instead he just falls into step beside the guy once it's clear Akashi's ready to depart.
When Akashi's walking next to him, Mayuzumi doesn't try to reach for the guy; instead he simply keeps close so their upper arms occasionally brush, a reminder that Mayuzumi's still here by Akashi's side. He might've gotten angry because Akashi made Emerald cry, and it's true he gave the guy a hard time about it earlier, but Akashi's still someone deeply important to him and already was even before they also started dating. Arguments and misunderstandings aren't enough to make him walk away from the connection between them so easily, especially when the guy's intending to make things right.
He gives Akashi some mental space by not saying anything on the walk back, letting the guy gather his thoughts for what he'll have to deal with ahead. Even if he knows Akashi and Emerald both want to stay together, Akashi still has to apologize and smooth things over on his own.
Once they get to Mayuzumi's apartment, he finally breaks the silence. ]
I'll let her know you're here.
[ And he goes inside first to do just that, heading towards the bedroom as he speaks. ]
Hey, I'm back. I, uh...brought Akashi with me, he wants to—
[ Except the bedroom's...empty? ]
Em??
[ His steps quickly take him on a tour of the rest of the apartment (there isn't much) and then back towards Akashi, his expression both confused and concerned. ]
[ And as if on a cue, the door opens again behind them. Emerald's a little out of breath because she saw them in the distance and didn't want them to think that she had bailed. She hadn't, but she had her part of this whole mess to clean up too. Akashi has overreacted, but there was something to react to to begin with that needed to be taken care of.
She stares at the two of them for a moment, looking like a conflicted puppy who's not sure whether she's kicked and down or excited to see them both.
She can't imagine Mayuzumi would've brought Akashi back if he wasn't ready to talk, but she's still.. hurt, honestly. She can handle fighting. She can handle things being rough, but she really didn't like being threatened with being left if she didn't comply.
She glances at Mayuzumi briefly before turning her eyes to Akashi and trying not to let herself harden up. It's not too much of a challenge, since she's hurt- not angry. She's not sharing where she was until one of them speaks first. ]
[ Akashi's worried when Emerald is nowhere to be seen, and he jumps when he hears her speak from behind them.
As relieved as he is, though, there's no hint of happiness in his expression. He's serious, sad, and overall very guilty, and he looks at Mayuzumi for a few seconds as if to ask permission if it's okay that he can go ahead and try to patch things up with Emerald. In the end, what glance he does is more like a signal that he's about to begin, because towards the second second, he realises that he doesn't need Mayuzumi's permission. It's Emerald's permission that he needs. If she'll still accept him, then... then he thinks he has a pretty good chance of fixing things.
He bows his head after facing Emerald. On their way here, he'd thought of ways to introduce the issue, a heartfelt apology, and a logical conclusion, but now that Emerald is here in front of him, what he'd thought of saying is out the window. ]
I was scared and said some things without thinking. I'm sorry for hurting you.
[ He ends there, thinking. . . he's addressed the first part of what he wants to say. His head is a mess because he isn't sure if his choice of words are right and proper at this time. He's usually more calculating than this, more reserved, but something like this also hasn't happened before. This is the first time, and hopefully the last, that he'd get himself in a situation like this. He doesn't want this to be a familiar experience. ]
[ Mayuzumi's about to ask Emerald where she went, but the look Akashi gives him makes that particular set of words die in his throat. He gives Akashi a slight nod, understanding where the guy's coming from just thanks to that rapport they've developed both on the basketball court and off. It's Akashi's place to give his apology and explain things to Emerald himself, and Mayuzumi isn't going to interject unless he's asked to weigh in.
He gives them both an encouraging look and steps back quietly to head to the living room; he'll leave it up to the two of them whether they'd rather sit in the living room to talk things out, or use his bedroom for that. ]
[ The physical reaction Emerald has to his words is probably not the reaction that Akashi is looking for. She looks like she's shrinking her shoulders a little, withdrawing physically almost as if a reflection of how she's feeling right now. She doesn't care if he hurts her. He can hurt her all he wants. It's what he said, that he broke her trust and her belief in him that's hurting so much. He hasn't said that he takes it back, that he was wrong. Just that he said it without thinking. ]
You promised me you weren't going to leave me, then at the first sign of conflict you threatened to. I've been preparing to completely abandon everything I know, turn my back on Cinder and run from someone so powerful she's worshipped as a goddess, to follow you and Chihiro to a place I can't even form a sentence of the language. I've literally ruined my life because I wanted to be with you and somehow that isn't enough.
[ Both of her fists grip at her sides. She's obviously hurt, but that anger flares up way more easily than it used to now. It isn't quite volatile, but she's certainly got a choleric tinge to her words. Her eyes narrow and her brows furrow as if she's trying to decide exactly what to tell him off for. ]
I don't care that you hurt me. I don't care that you said something thoughtlessly! I don't even care all that much if you hate Mercury anymore. What I do care about is that your word means that little to you and that your "apology" is because I'm upset, not because you think you were wrong.
[ He almost looks worried when Mayuzumi leaves, especially now that he's said a part of his piece and the ball is in Emerald's court. Especially now that Emerald's speaking and she's not at all happy with what he said.
He wants more time to think, to properly figure out what to say. Maybe he really should have gone with what he was thinking of, because had he said everything he wanted to say without chopping things up, saying them with pacing, then...
Well, he doesn't know. It could still end up like this, anyway. ]
I do think that - that I was wrong. There were a lot of things I didn't consider, and I also didn't listen to you. [ And he honestly wouldn't have considered that he was wrong if not for Mayuzumi. That part, he doesn't mention. ] I'd like to apologise for that, too.
I broke your trust. [ He pauses, head lifting a little so he can look at her and what she's doing and try to see how she's feeling. He isn't just saying this to please Emerald. He really does want to make things right. He's just not good at apologies, even though he's supposedly good at everything. ] But if you'd let me, I'd like to request for another chance.
[ She stays quiet for a moment, as if she's trying to think of what she wants to say to that. Her hackles lower just a bit, though, and the spice dissipates from her tone. She glances over to see where Mayuzumi went, as if she wants him back too, as if to act as a buffer in case Akashi doesn't like what she has to say next.
She wants to say yes, she'll give him as many chances as he wants, just please promise her that he's not going to leave. But Mayuzumi pointed out to her what it was, and Mercury got up in arms hearing about it too. Akashi was trying to bully her into doing what he wanted. It was scary to stand up to him, knowing full-well that she's telling him she's refusing his choice, but their relationship wasn't.. supposed to be that kind of relationship. He wasn't her boss, or her savior. He was her boyfriend-- her lover. And if she didn't put her foot down now, he wouldn't be able to trust her to speak up when he went too far either. ]
I was with Mercury just now. He took back what he said and said he wouldn't joke like that again, nor did he mean it in the first place. I get mad at him all the time because he likes to press my buttons when I try to press his, he just always takes it too far and I need to cool down sometimes. He even said he'd send you an apology card if I wanted and I told him not to because it would be sarcastic, but the fact that he would've tried to make it up to me is why no matter how mad and reactive I get, I know he's always got my back. You know he agreed for me to tell Jaune about Salem back in Verens, despite knowing that his knowledge could get him killed for us just for knowing and telling me it was okay. I'm not choosing between you two.
[ That's not a question, that's a statement. She wants to know what Akashi thinks of it though, before she lets herself jump at the second chance. Even if she's trying to sound firm now, it almost sounds like there's an undertone of hope and expectation. She did what she could, and Mercury took it back and promised not to hurt them, and they made up. She did her part to make this better, to help Akashi feel better, even when she didn't know if he would apologize even if Mayuzumi dragged him back by his ear to do so. ]
[ He still doesn't understand how something like that is forgivable, but there are a lot of things he doesn't understand about Mercury and Emerald's. . . relationship. Maybe they just do things a lot rougher than what Akashi is used to because that's what they're used to. It's a world Akashi won't ever get to traverse, and even if given the chance, he likely won't walk that path just to be able to see it.
But Mayuzumi was the one who brought it up, though. Akashi just has to trust Emerald to fix things. He doesn't have to be the one who has to fix things constantly, and he's... right. This isn't supposed to be a one way street. Emerald has to be able to do things for herself, too. Emerald should be able to have her say, too. It's one of those things Akashi's failed to consider and that's why he said what he said in the first place. ]
I shouldn't have made you choose in the first place. That wasn't fair to you.
[ Or to Mercury, but he's not going to apologise to him. He doesn't want to have anything to do with Mercury. He'll accept that Emerald and he are friends—partners, even—but even if he didn't mean it when he said he'd kill Akashi and Mayuzumi, it's shaken Akashi a little too much that he's bought a bunch of locks and had it installed to his door in the short span of time between his phone call with Emerald and Mayuzumi coming to him. ]
I keep thinking you would break your promise and leave me, but I'm the one who ended up going against my own word. I spoke out of fear. I didn't mean to say what I said or do what I did. Please believe me.
[ Emerald listens quietly again, trying her best not to react to anything until she's had a moment to think. She knows it's her own reactiveness that made everything about this situation worse than it needed to be. Even if she wants to rant or complain about Mercury to Akashi, she can't do that because it scares him. There's nothing wrong with that.
But he seems to understand her side, and she's done what she can too try to make things easier for him. Emerald finally steps out of the doorway and moves to wrap her arms around him. ]
It's okay to get mad or fight or disagree, but don't leave me, okay?
[ Her voice is quiet now, soft and the desperation she's felt in wanting to just forgive him this whole time is palpable. They're going to have to make this up to Chihiro somehow, but for the moment she just wants to hold Seijuro and not let go. ]
[ It's as if Akashi had just been waiting for a sign that it's okay to hold Emerald, because as soon as her arms are around him, he hugs her tight and buries his face on the crook of her neck. The scared kid that's a part of Akashi that he always tries to protect comes out and he starts sobbing the moment they aren't face to face anymore. ]
I didn't mean it, Emerald. [ He said a lot of hurtful things without thinking and he's an idiot and he's crying because he didn't mean it and he doesn't want to hurt her. His voice is hushed, mostly because of the sobs, and he holds her tighter because he doesn't want to let go. ] I'm sorry.
[ He'll say it as many times as needed. Even more until Emerald gets sick of it. ]
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...I'm sure you already figured I wouldn't stay out of it after you made her cry.
[ Because on a fundamental level, Mayuzumi can't overlook just how lost and hurt she was when she showed up on his doorstep; if Akashi and Emerald just had a regular argument he wouldn't be interfering. He's not remotely the most conscientious guy but even he internalized what his dad told him as a little kid about how guys shouldn't make girls cry, especially if it's the girl they like.
And since Akashi isn't even trying to explain himself, Mayuzumi will just say what he's been stewing over. He isn't raising his voice, but his tone isn't kind. ]
I can't believe I have to even say something about this again, but you'll kill yourself if that guy tries to kill you? Seriously? What the hell kind of stupid thing to say is that to someone who's already worried we'll die if those people she worked with before show up here? Didn't you already almost get killed if it wasn't for her before because you were too proud to listen to her? Do you think I'm any happier knowing you'd care more about saving face than doing your best to stay alive in that kind of situation than she is?
[ They're not questions he's expecting direct answers to, so he continues. ]
Well. Since you've been an idiot about that stuff before I suppose it's not a total surprise, even if I thought you already learned your lesson. But are you really gonna throw her away if she doesn't cut ties with that guy without giving her a chance to handle it?
For a guy who was going on about binding our three souls together you're a lot more fickle than I thought. I guess it really is a good thing I talked you out of rushing into that, huh?
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[ Of course his natural instinct is to rise above all other things. Akashi can at least admit that to Mayuzumi.
He keeps his hands to his sides, fighting the urge to make any gestures that would reveal that his hands are shaking. He doesn't like this situation any more than Mayuzumi or Emerald does. Emerald's always been there for him. There have been times when her actions would terrify him; he'd been afraid that she would hurt him, but their bond only grew stronger after that. He thought she'd stick by him, but he feels utterly betrayed that she would still call Mercury a friend even after what that guy said. ]
... I don't want to die.
[ He looks to the side after saying that, looking and feeling shameful for admitting weakness. He balls a hand into a fist and it shakes slightly, but he digs his nails in his skin as a means to control himself. ]
Emerald still called Mercury a friend even after he threatened us. [ And this is the part that's difficult to explain, even for Akashi. He can feel his own heart beating faster and his breathing gets heavier. He lets out a deep breath. ] She's going to remain friends with somebody who said he would kill us.
I can't accept that.
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[ Mayuzumi isn't going to argue with that at all. But he also said what he wanted to about that and Akashi's acknowledging being thoughtless; kicking the guy while he's down isn't what he's actually trying to do here.
This frustrating guy in front of him is someone really important to him too, after all; part of him wanted to give Akashi a headpat and a hug and tell him everything would be fine the moment he saw the guy's face, and he still wants to regardless. Mayuzumi doesn't want either of the people he loves to be hurt and suffering, but he has to make Akashi understand the bigger picture of their shared situation before he can offer comfort.
His voice softens to something more neutral. ]
I'm not any happier about Mercury threatening us, you know. But if she thinks she can talk him down then I'm trusting her to deal with it.
[ And Mayuzumi realizes trust is probably part of the problem here. Mayuzumi trusts in Emerald, even knowing about her past, even if she's friends with someone who's potentially dangerous to them. He trusts that she knows what she's doing when it comes to protecting them and trusts in her desire to keep them all safe enough to listen to her and do what she asks without making a big fuss, even if he doesn't necessarily like what that means sometimes.
Akashi...wants to fix everything himself, and thinks he has the right answers for every situation just because he's usually right when it comes to academics or athletics; it means the guy doesn't really let himself trust her judgment or follow her lead. It's what almost got him killed by those rebels months ago and it's part of this massive mistake he's thinking of making now. If Mercury's a problem, then Emerald should simply get rid of the guy, problem solved, and Emerald should just knuckle under instead of trying to resolve it her own way.
In isolation, it's a straightforward solution that works. But it's not taking into account that their situation and life in general is way more complicated than math tests and basketball plays.
Especially a life involving someone like Emerald. ]
...She isn't like us. There's no way you don't know what her life was like before she ended up in Verens. Even if you can't stand each other that guy's probably saved her life plenty of times when she didn't have anybody else backing her up. You can't expect her to just walk away from that like it means nothing just because you say so, especially when you're acting like she can't rely on you to stick with her the next time she steps out of line again.
[ And Mayuzumi maybe understands that about her a little more because even if his life was easier, even if he has a family, Akashi's the one person who became truly irreplaceable to him; despite the headaches and despite those times when the guy frankly treated him like shit, he still couldn't find it in him to let go. And he wouldn't abandon Akashi now just because someone else told him to, even Emerald. ]
It isn't just that, either.
I mean, I get how you feel. Don't think I'm not afraid of what might happen just because I don't look it.
[ He visibly hesitates; he doesn't want to scare Akashi anymore than the guy already is, and Mayuzumi's honestly not sure if it's even the right thing to do to completely level with him. He might just make the situation worse instead of better and end up ruining everything.
But he can't stand here and tell Akashi that everything's fine and there's nothing they need to worry about if Emerald gets Mercury to back off.
He takes a deep breath before speaking quietly. ]
...I know you told her you love her before, she said so, but...how serious about that are you, really?
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He'd always worried about Mercury because he was a factor in all of this, too. Emerald would have to leave everything and everyone she knows behind if she wants a life with Akashi (and Mayuzumi). Emerald saying she wanted Mercury to come with her was something Akashi didn't like, but he considered it anyway because he's important to Emerald. Akashi tried to get to know him, but it never ended well. He can't understand why Emerald thinks it's him who's being antagonising when he's the one reaching out to one of her friends so they can all live peacefully.
He's always been scared that Emerald would choose Mercury over him. This has been going on for months. Emerald knows—she knows, but she's not doing anything about it. Instead, she tells Akashi this and that without proper reason, and when he asks for a reason, she begrudgingly gives it to him. Emerald said she didn't want to be shut out before, so why is she doing the same thing to Akashi now?
Because it's Mercury.
Akashi could care less about what he and Emerald have gone through. At the end of the day, there's a threat looming over Akashi and Mayuzumi's head. Even if it was said as a joke, it's not okay, because Mercury is completely capable of killing them. It's so easy for him to do. He doesn't understand why Emerald would remain friends with someone who would threaten the people she loves. He honestly doesn't. As far as he's concerned, Mercury doesn't respect Emerald enough, even though they've been partners for years. Emerald is blind if she can't notice that now. ]
Talking him down won't take back what he said. Why should Emerald be the one to adjust when she's not the one at fault here? [ It's Mercury that's the problem. If Emerald hadn't told him to stay away, Akashi would fix the problem by talking to Mercury himself. ] Why should she negotiate with him when he's the one who did something wrong? Why is he being given a chance, when without notice, he could take what's important from her away? Just because they've known each other for so many years and have gone through a lot together doesn't mean that this kind of behaviour is condonable.
[ He honestly doesn't get it, so tell him, Mayuzumi. Give him an answer that makes sense, because all this is betrayal to Akashi and it hurts the longer he thinks about it. Emerald says she loves Akashi and wants to be with him, but chooses Mercury in the end. Emerald says she wants to have a better life, but she's unwilling to change.
He thinks he's an idiot too because he knows he'd still love her even if she'd go with Mercury. He'd still try to do everything for her if it meant her happy, but... he has to protect himself. He can't have Emerald close when she's condoning Mercury's behaviour. Killing him and Mayuzumi is not okay. The question goes unanswered, though, because even if he would fight his own father just so he could be with both Emerald and Mayuzumi, he doesn't want to make this about him. ]
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[ That's the bottom line for Mayuzumi; beyond the two of them being partners and someone Emerald doesn't want to let go of, Mercury has the power to back her up and protect her if there's trouble. While Mayuzumi doesn't like that guy threatening them at all, he's putting his faith in Emerald to resolve the situation and isn't going to confront or antagonize Mercury and make everything worse. ]
The two of us are just regular guys who can't fight. You can't do a damned thing to protect her if something happens and neither can I. I really hate it, but the best we can do is keep our heads down when she asks us to and let that guy look out for her when she's in danger.
[ The two of them are a burden on her, even if it's one she's willing to shoulder. If Mercury thinks of them that way the guy's right and Mayuzumi wouldn't even blame him for that. ]
Haven't you even thought at all about what might happen if Salem and her pals ever show up here? Do you really think all Em has to do is decide to turn over a new leaf and those people will just let her resign from their murderer's club?
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I can't do anything for her.
[ He just wants what's best for her but he can't do anything. He hasn't done anything, and he always gets mad at Emerald for doing wrong things when he's the one who keeps making mistakes. And right now he can't even seek comfort with anyone because he knows Mayuzumi is mad at him too, but... ]
What am I supposed to do? [ His words come out softly like a whisper, tone frustrated and clipped. He's trying to keep his volume low because some people are passing by, and but it's difficult to do that when you're crying.
Akashi doesn't want Emerald to ever leave him. He loves her too much. He's always scared, though. He was able to keep his teammates from Teikou as friends, but this is a different situation entirely. He doesn't have anyone to go to, nor does he have another personality who can take over for him now because he's so scared and so devastated. He can't hide anymore and he's not sure what to do.
He keeps his head low as he muffles down his sobs. He doesn't even think this is embarrassing even though it is. He's ultimately so lost and he's always just done things based on how he knows how to handle them. It's not often he finds himself in a situation where he has no idea what to do, and it shows with how little be feels and how he just wants to hide now. ]
Mayuzumi-san...
[ Please help him. ]
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Those choked back sobs completely undo Mayuzumi; the distance between them collapses in a few quick steps and he doesn't hesitate to pull Akashi into a hug.
God, Mayuzumi really hates this; seeing Emerald fall apart was already difficult enough, but Akashi doing the same rubs Mayuzumi's nerves completely raw, and his voice cracks on the epithet, his own distress at seeing the people he cares about so much hurting breaking through. ]
You idiot, she just wants us to stay by her side! You don't have to do everything or fix everything, she doesn't expect that from either of us. She just wants you to not leave her and she's terrified you will.
[ His arms around Akashi tighten. ]
Akashi, I know, I really do. There's a lot we can't do for her and I can't stand it. But...we can stay with her. We can be there when she needs us to be. We can take care of her and do everything we can to make her happy.
We can just...stay together.
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I'm sorry.
[ He says it a couple more times, repeating the words until his voice cracks and the sounds he's making turns into sobs.
He doesn't want Emerald to leave. It's terrifying just thinking about it. It's why he's doing what he knows to keep her with him. He knows he's wrong now, though, but he's not really sure how to fix it. What if he says the wrong thing again? What if even after apologising, she doesn't accept it? Would she even talk to him, still?
He pulls away from Mayuzumi when the realisation sets in. His eyes are too watery and he uses his sleeves to wipe his face. Whatever finesse Akashi has is gone. Right now, he's a scared seventeen year old boy. ]
Can I still talk to her?
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[ His hand ends up atop Akashi's head, a gesture of comfort that's become pretty automatic for him now.
Seeing Akashi break down like this is pretty upsetting, but at least it's clear the guy understands now that he was wrong and made a mistake. It's not really possible for Mayuzumi to stay mad at Akashi at this point when he's being so apologetic, even if it's not really Mayuzumi who needs the apology nearly as much as Emerald. At heart he just wants both of the people he cares about to be okay and hates seeing them so distressed.
His tone's more gentle now. ]
...It'll be okay. She still really wants to be with you, you know.
Just try to trust her and listen to her more from now on. There's things she knows how to handle better than either of us, and sometimes the best thing you can do is to just follow her lead and let her take care of a problem her own way, even if you want to make everything better for her.
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He stays quiet for some time, just looking at nothing in particular with his head down. Then, when he isn't drowning in his thoughts anymore, he speaks. ]
Where is she?
[ Akashi was full of hate just a while ago, but Mayuzumi knocked a whole lot of sense into him that he feels pretty down now. It's difficult to adjust when you think you've been right all this time, only to be proven wrong. Akashi's even still adjusting after what happened between him and the Generation of Miracles. Maybe it's why it was pretty easy to fall back to old habits. ]
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[ It was really the least he could do when she'd asked; he might not be able to protect her from deadlier situations, but he can at least give her comfort and support when she needs it.
Regardless of Akashi pulling away from his touches, Mayuzumi still brushes the back of Akashi's hand with his fingers, a silent invitation to hold his hand that goes along with what he says aloud. He isn't angry at the guy anymore now that they've talked things out, so even if Akashi's being reluctant to accept his support right now he's going to stubbornly offer it anyway. ]
Do you want to go talk to her now?
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I'll get my coat. Will you wait for me here?
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[ His hands slip back into his pockets. He figures it should be fine for the guy to see her now, since Emerald was a lot calmer when he left and it's pretty clear Akashi wants to try and patch things up with her. ]
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He still has to apologise though, and he wants to make an effort to fix what he's done. It's why he still goes down and meets Mayuzumi outside after be fetches his coat. It's what powers his every step forward, because he does still want to be with Emerald despite what he said.
His hands remain in his pockets as they walk, and he doesn't say anything because there's not really anything to talk about. At least, not on his end. Unless Mayuzumi says something, he'll keep quiet until they get to where Emerald is. ]
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When Akashi's walking next to him, Mayuzumi doesn't try to reach for the guy; instead he simply keeps close so their upper arms occasionally brush, a reminder that Mayuzumi's still here by Akashi's side. He might've gotten angry because Akashi made Emerald cry, and it's true he gave the guy a hard time about it earlier, but Akashi's still someone deeply important to him and already was even before they also started dating. Arguments and misunderstandings aren't enough to make him walk away from the connection between them so easily, especially when the guy's intending to make things right.
He gives Akashi some mental space by not saying anything on the walk back, letting the guy gather his thoughts for what he'll have to deal with ahead. Even if he knows Akashi and Emerald both want to stay together, Akashi still has to apologize and smooth things over on his own.
Once they get to Mayuzumi's apartment, he finally breaks the silence. ]
I'll let her know you're here.
[ And he goes inside first to do just that, heading towards the bedroom as he speaks. ]
Hey, I'm back. I, uh...brought Akashi with me, he wants to—
[ Except the bedroom's...empty? ]
Em??
[ His steps quickly take him on a tour of the rest of the apartment (there isn't much) and then back towards Akashi, his expression both confused and concerned. ]
She's not here.
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She stares at the two of them for a moment, looking like a conflicted puppy who's not sure whether she's kicked and down or excited to see them both.
She can't imagine Mayuzumi would've brought Akashi back if he wasn't ready to talk, but she's still.. hurt, honestly. She can handle fighting. She can handle things being rough, but she really didn't like being threatened with being left if she didn't comply.
She glances at Mayuzumi briefly before turning her eyes to Akashi and trying not to let herself harden up. It's not too much of a challenge, since she's hurt- not angry. She's not sharing where she was until one of them speaks first. ]
I'm here.
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As relieved as he is, though, there's no hint of happiness in his expression. He's serious, sad, and overall very guilty, and he looks at Mayuzumi for a few seconds as if to ask permission if it's okay that he can go ahead and try to patch things up with Emerald. In the end, what glance he does is more like a signal that he's about to begin, because towards the second second, he realises that he doesn't need Mayuzumi's permission. It's Emerald's permission that he needs. If she'll still accept him, then... then he thinks he has a pretty good chance of fixing things.
He bows his head after facing Emerald. On their way here, he'd thought of ways to introduce the issue, a heartfelt apology, and a logical conclusion, but now that Emerald is here in front of him, what he'd thought of saying is out the window. ]
I was scared and said some things without thinking. I'm sorry for hurting you.
[ He ends there, thinking. . . he's addressed the first part of what he wants to say. His head is a mess because he isn't sure if his choice of words are right and proper at this time. He's usually more calculating than this, more reserved, but something like this also hasn't happened before. This is the first time, and hopefully the last, that he'd get himself in a situation like this. He doesn't want this to be a familiar experience. ]
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He gives them both an encouraging look and steps back quietly to head to the living room; he'll leave it up to the two of them whether they'd rather sit in the living room to talk things out, or use his bedroom for that. ]
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You promised me you weren't going to leave me, then at the first sign of conflict you threatened to. I've been preparing to completely abandon everything I know, turn my back on Cinder and run from someone so powerful she's worshipped as a goddess, to follow you and Chihiro to a place I can't even form a sentence of the language. I've literally ruined my life because I wanted to be with you and somehow that isn't enough.
[ Both of her fists grip at her sides. She's obviously hurt, but that anger flares up way more easily than it used to now. It isn't quite volatile, but she's certainly got a choleric tinge to her words. Her eyes narrow and her brows furrow as if she's trying to decide exactly what to tell him off for. ]
I don't care that you hurt me. I don't care that you said something thoughtlessly! I don't even care all that much if you hate Mercury anymore. What I do care about is that your word means that little to you and that your "apology" is because I'm upset, not because you think you were wrong.
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He wants more time to think, to properly figure out what to say. Maybe he really should have gone with what he was thinking of, because had he said everything he wanted to say without chopping things up, saying them with pacing, then...
Well, he doesn't know. It could still end up like this, anyway. ]
I do think that - that I was wrong. There were a lot of things I didn't consider, and I also didn't listen to you. [ And he honestly wouldn't have considered that he was wrong if not for Mayuzumi. That part, he doesn't mention. ] I'd like to apologise for that, too.
I broke your trust. [ He pauses, head lifting a little so he can look at her and what she's doing and try to see how she's feeling. He isn't just saying this to please Emerald. He really does want to make things right. He's just not good at apologies, even though he's supposedly good at everything. ] But if you'd let me, I'd like to request for another chance.
I'll do better.
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She wants to say yes, she'll give him as many chances as he wants, just please promise her that he's not going to leave. But Mayuzumi pointed out to her what it was, and Mercury got up in arms hearing about it too. Akashi was trying to bully her into doing what he wanted. It was scary to stand up to him, knowing full-well that she's telling him she's refusing his choice, but their relationship wasn't.. supposed to be that kind of relationship. He wasn't her boss, or her savior. He was her boyfriend-- her lover. And if she didn't put her foot down now, he wouldn't be able to trust her to speak up when he went too far either. ]
I was with Mercury just now. He took back what he said and said he wouldn't joke like that again, nor did he mean it in the first place. I get mad at him all the time because he likes to press my buttons when I try to press his, he just always takes it too far and I need to cool down sometimes. He even said he'd send you an apology card if I wanted and I told him not to because it would be sarcastic, but the fact that he would've tried to make it up to me is why no matter how mad and reactive I get, I know he's always got my back. You know he agreed for me to tell Jaune about Salem back in Verens, despite knowing that his knowledge could get him killed for us just for knowing and telling me it was okay. I'm not choosing between you two.
[ That's not a question, that's a statement. She wants to know what Akashi thinks of it though, before she lets herself jump at the second chance. Even if she's trying to sound firm now, it almost sounds like there's an undertone of hope and expectation. She did what she could, and Mercury took it back and promised not to hurt them, and they made up. She did her part to make this better, to help Akashi feel better, even when she didn't know if he would apologize even if Mayuzumi dragged him back by his ear to do so. ]
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But Mayuzumi was the one who brought it up, though. Akashi just has to trust Emerald to fix things. He doesn't have to be the one who has to fix things constantly, and he's... right. This isn't supposed to be a one way street. Emerald has to be able to do things for herself, too. Emerald should be able to have her say, too. It's one of those things Akashi's failed to consider and that's why he said what he said in the first place. ]
I shouldn't have made you choose in the first place. That wasn't fair to you.
[ Or to Mercury, but he's not going to apologise to him. He doesn't want to have anything to do with Mercury. He'll accept that Emerald and he are friends—partners, even—but even if he didn't mean it when he said he'd kill Akashi and Mayuzumi, it's shaken Akashi a little too much that he's bought a bunch of locks and had it installed to his door in the short span of time between his phone call with Emerald and Mayuzumi coming to him. ]
I keep thinking you would break your promise and leave me, but I'm the one who ended up going against my own word. I spoke out of fear. I didn't mean to say what I said or do what I did. Please believe me.
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But he seems to understand her side, and she's done what she can too try to make things easier for him. Emerald finally steps out of the doorway and moves to wrap her arms around him. ]
It's okay to get mad or fight or disagree, but don't leave me, okay?
[ Her voice is quiet now, soft and the desperation she's felt in wanting to just forgive him this whole time is palpable. They're going to have to make this up to Chihiro somehow, but for the moment she just wants to hold Seijuro and not let go. ]
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I didn't mean it, Emerald. [ He said a lot of hurtful things without thinking and he's an idiot and he's crying because he didn't mean it and he doesn't want to hurt her. His voice is hushed, mostly because of the sobs, and he holds her tighter because he doesn't want to let go. ] I'm sorry.
[ He'll say it as many times as needed. Even more until Emerald gets sick of it. ]
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I love you, Seijuro.
[ Of course she forgives him. Though after a couple of seconds she does reach her arm around him to wipe her eyes. ]
Come on, we have to go thank Chihiro.
[ She's not letting go though so maybe he has to let go first or they'll have to scuffle into the room. ]
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