[ Akashi's not the kind of person who just listens. He's pretty bad at it, really... he feels the need to fix things and offer input. It's why Murasakibara got mad at him that one time. Mibuchi and the others gave him advice though. He's yet to try it because when he tried to fix things with Murasakibara, the other boy had forgotten about it already. Which is why he goes back to his first instinct. ]
I'd want to speak to him, regardless. [ Whether or not he pissed her off, anyway. he said he'd try to get along with Mercury, even if it annoys him. Emerald taking it back is questionable, and he'd like a valid reason why. ]
You being mad just gives me all the more reason to approach him. What's wrong?
No, it doesn't. You're not my guardian and you don't need to fight my battles for me, especially not with Mercury-- and you know this is exactly why you and Mercury don't get along, don't you? You both do the same crap with trying to protect me from each other instead of trusting me to handle it.
[ Though Mercury's a lot more low key about it, but she knows what it is. ] And you're obstinate and bossy and he's annoying and hates authority, but I think that just makes it worse...
If you don't want me looking out after you, then just say so. Even if you weren't my girlfriend, I would look out for your well-being. I can see that's not appreciated now.
[ And he doesn't want to get mad too, but he's getting annoyed with the fact that Emerald just kind of dangles the information in front of him without giving him all the details. He doesn't like that. ]
If you didn't want me to do something about why you're mad because I'm concerned for you, or ask about why it is you're in this mood, then you shouldn't have said anything at all.
There's a difference between looking out for me and getting yourself killed because you think you're a bigger badass than someone who can snap you like a twig, Seijuro.
[ She almost hangs up on him, but she knows that'll just make things worse so instead she... doesn't do much better. She makes another irritated noise. ] You want to know what I'm mad about? Fine. You win! He thinks it'll be fun to make you jealous, I told him no, then we joke-threatened each other with things. Except then he threatened to kill you and Chihiro if I got too gross, I threatened to remove his limbs and keep him alive so he had to suffer, so he said I shouldn't try to mess with him because he has to win every conversation, argument, everything no matter what regardless of what I want to do or feel or the fact that I told him I didn't want him to do something.
[ ...Yeah she's pretty sure that's why she's getting snippy with Akashi right now too, actually. ]
[ At this time, he's pretty sure he hates Mercury more than he hates Cinder. Emerald knows the most toxic of people, and he's trying to be accommodating because he shouldn't tell her "no" every time, but... he kind of wants her to stop talking to Mercury forever. ]
I'd rather kill myself than have him kill me.
[ Which is probably too extreme but he's mad, too. He's not afraid of Mercury right now, and if Emerald hadn't told him now that he shouldn't talk to Mercury, he'd tell him to back off. ]
[ She says it with clear punctuation. Honestly, the whole reason she didn't want to talk to him about it was because she was worried he would do exactly the thing that he wants to do. ]
Even if that's like, the exact kind of nonsense I'm talking about with you needing to have the last word every time. Just... carry around a EMP or something.
[ Is that even a thing here? It's got to be a thing here. She's literally telling Akashi to break his legs, but his legs are repairable. Akashi is not. ]
I'm not asking you to restrict- what? I'm asking you not to antagonize my friend, which for you two means avoiding each other. You're not playing a game, this is real life. One which you just threatened to end instead of fighting back because you want to have the last word! To your girlfriend, whose entire goal here is you not dying, you twit!
[ And she hangs up. She'll answer if he calls back but she's just mad now. The fact that he's more concerned about his "movements" than his life when she's practically making herself sick and getting into fights over him and risking her own life because she wants to be with him is making such a flippant declaration infuriating to her and she wants out of this conversation. ]
[ he's not going to call her again. He doesn't understand why she started yelling at him, but he's still going to defend himself. ]
I wasn't saying you're restricting my movements, but I don't like that I have to do it. I already said I'll avoid him when I can. If you'd rather defend "your friend" because I'm clearly the one being antagonising and not him, then I think the two of us need to think about a lot of things about where this relationship is headed. I'm not the one threatening to kill other people here, but it looks like I'm the one at fault. Talk to me when you've made up your mind.
[ He didn't want to have to make Emerald choose between him and Mercury again, but after still calling Mercury her friend after something like that? He's going to have to put his foot down. ]
[ She types up a response. "Stop acting like it's any more OK for you to tell me you're going to kill yourself when I obviously already know what he said isn't OK" She knows she's oversensitive to a lot of things, but that's terrifying to her. She's already angry, and upset, and scared. She tries to go over what just happened in her head, try to figure out what to do. He didn't like it when she wouldn't tell him what Mercury did and he backed off, but he sounded so disappointed in her for not wanting him that she backtracked and told him she needed him. Then he said he wanted to do the opposite of what she asked whether she told him or not, and she panicked and got angrier, then he guilted her for not wanting his protection. When he finally told him, he said he'd rather kill himself. How was she not supposed to panic?! She tried to offer an alternative and he just complained about restricting himself, acting like he hadn't just said something just as bad as what Mercury had.
And he's acting like she's the one in the wrong. If it was about her getting angry, fine, she gets that. She would apologize for that easily. She knows she has a temper, she knows that she's acting really bitchy and getting upset at everything right now, which is why she didn't want to tell him in the first place. She didn't want this to be about her being mad, she just wanted him to be safe and to do that, he needs to stay away from Mercury. She doesn't by any means think Mercury was right- that's why she was so mad in the first place. But she feels like she's told Akashi what he wanted to know when she didn't want to talk about it and already felt like she was drowning, and now he's pushing her head right back under the water and threatening to break up with her when she's not okay with him saying he's going to kill himself.
She deletes her response without sending it. There isn't a right answer.
There's never a right answer when she's the one who makes it, and she doesn't know what to do. Apologize and just do whatever he wants? She'll lose Mercury. Just because he's a jackass doesn't mean that he isn't important to her- it doesn't mean she'll abandon him. Even moreso, the fact that she and Akashi had one argument and he's implying that if she doesn't comply she might lose him means that one wrong move and Mercury really could be the only one she has left again. She can't see Akashi letting her be around Mayuzumi if that's the case. If she tries, Akashi will make Mayuzumi choose. Mayuzumi promised he wouldn't leave her, but so did Akashi. They have each other now. When push comes to shove, she's the one who isn't safe, isn't good enough, makes every wrong choice, doesn't have anything to offer, needs them more than they need her, causes all the problems, doesn't know what she's doing-- he's going to kill himself if he thinks Mercury is going to kill him. Despite that Akashi has made this about him not opening up to her, her not making the right choice of friends, that this whole thing is a problem because he is doing something he doesn't like, Emerald is convinced that this is her fault.
And yet, she knows the other way around is just as broken a path- lying about Mercury being here, or that she was mad, would make Akashi think she was keeping important things from him, in particular keeping Mercury a secret when he's already jealous of him. Then Emerald would be a liar, and he would leave her because he couldn't trust her.
And yet, the other way she could've changed things would be to let Mercury do as he wanted, say it's fine to mess with Akashi and Mayuzumi and make them jealous for his amusement. Then Emerald was cruel, and she hasn't changed, and she was siding with Mercury and wasn't capable of it, and he would leave her because she didn't stand up for him.
And yet, none of the choices she keeps thinking she could've replaced end differently in her mind, and she doesn't know what to do. They don't change that she either has to apologize for freaking out and getting mad at him when he said he would kill himself as a solution to someone threatening to kill him or he's going to leave her or she's going to lose the only person who will have her back no matter what happens, even if he's rough with her and pisses her off sometimes.
And so she doesn't respond to his last text, because the only thing she can think to do is beg him to forgive her, which is undignified and pathetic and she wouldn't care-- but he would see it for what it was, and leave her, because she wasn't fit to stand by his side if she would do something like that so easily.
She's going to go cry on Mayuzumi if she doesn't get there and Akashi's already there. But there's no answer she can give him today, because there is no right answer. ]
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I'd want to speak to him, regardless. [ Whether or not he pissed her off, anyway. he said he'd try to get along with Mercury, even if it annoys him. Emerald taking it back is questionable, and he'd like a valid reason why. ]
You being mad just gives me all the more reason to approach him. What's wrong?
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[ Though Mercury's a lot more low key about it, but she knows what it is. ] And you're obstinate and bossy and he's annoying and hates authority, but I think that just makes it worse...
[ Sorry Akashi, you're getting kind of drive-by railroaded here. ]
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[ And he doesn't want to get mad too, but he's getting annoyed with the fact that Emerald just kind of dangles the information in front of him without giving him all the details. He doesn't like that. ]
If you didn't want me to do something about why you're mad because I'm concerned for you, or ask about why it is you're in this mood, then you shouldn't have said anything at all.
[ God. He's annoyed with Mercury right now. ]
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[ She almost hangs up on him, but she knows that'll just make things worse so instead she... doesn't do much better. She makes another irritated noise. ] You want to know what I'm mad about? Fine. You win! He thinks it'll be fun to make you jealous, I told him no, then we joke-threatened each other with things. Except then he threatened to kill you and Chihiro if I got too gross, I threatened to remove his limbs and keep him alive so he had to suffer, so he said I shouldn't try to mess with him because he has to win every conversation, argument, everything no matter what regardless of what I want to do or feel or the fact that I told him I didn't want him to do something.
[ ...Yeah she's pretty sure that's why she's getting snippy with Akashi right now too, actually. ]
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I'd rather kill myself than have him kill me.
[ Which is probably too extreme but he's mad, too. He's not afraid of Mercury right now, and if Emerald hadn't told him now that he shouldn't talk to Mercury, he'd tell him to back off. ]
I'll avoid him when I can.
[ That's the best he can do. ]
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[ She says it with clear punctuation. Honestly, the whole reason she didn't want to talk to him about it was because she was worried he would do exactly the thing that he wants to do. ]
Even if that's like, the exact kind of nonsense I'm talking about with you needing to have the last word every time. Just... carry around a EMP or something.
[ Is that even a thing here? It's got to be a thing here. She's literally telling Akashi to break his legs, but his legs are repairable. Akashi is not. ]
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He's not going to deny wanting the last word every time, though. He knows when to assert he's right, and that's almost all the time. ]
Do you think I need one?
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[ Why the hell would he say something like that, she's freaking out the more she thinks about it.. ]
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[ And she hangs up. She'll answer if he calls back but she's just mad now. The fact that he's more concerned about his "movements" than his life when she's practically making herself sick and getting into fights over him and risking her own life because she wants to be with him is making such a flippant declaration infuriating to her and she wants out of this conversation. ]
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I wasn't saying you're restricting my movements, but I don't like that I have to do it. I already said I'll avoid him when I can. If you'd rather defend "your friend" because I'm clearly the one being antagonising and not him, then I think the two of us need to think about a lot of things about where this relationship is headed. I'm not the one threatening to kill other people here, but it looks like I'm the one at fault. Talk to me when you've made up your mind.
[ He didn't want to have to make Emerald choose between him and Mercury again, but after still calling Mercury her friend after something like that? He's going to have to put his foot down. ]
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And he's acting like she's the one in the wrong. If it was about her getting angry, fine, she gets that. She would apologize for that easily. She knows she has a temper, she knows that she's acting really bitchy and getting upset at everything right now, which is why she didn't want to tell him in the first place. She didn't want this to be about her being mad, she just wanted him to be safe and to do that, he needs to stay away from Mercury. She doesn't by any means think Mercury was right- that's why she was so mad in the first place. But she feels like she's told Akashi what he wanted to know when she didn't want to talk about it and already felt like she was drowning, and now he's pushing her head right back under the water and threatening to break up with her when she's not okay with him saying he's going to kill himself.
She deletes her response without sending it. There isn't a right answer.
There's never a right answer when she's the one who makes it, and she doesn't know what to do. Apologize and just do whatever he wants? She'll lose Mercury. Just because he's a jackass doesn't mean that he isn't important to her- it doesn't mean she'll abandon him. Even moreso, the fact that she and Akashi had one argument and he's implying that if she doesn't comply she might lose him means that one wrong move and Mercury really could be the only one she has left again. She can't see Akashi letting her be around Mayuzumi if that's the case. If she tries, Akashi will make Mayuzumi choose. Mayuzumi promised he wouldn't leave her, but so did Akashi. They have each other now. When push comes to shove, she's the one who isn't safe, isn't good enough, makes every wrong choice, doesn't have anything to offer, needs them more than they need her, causes all the problems, doesn't know what she's doing-- he's going to kill himself if he thinks Mercury is going to kill him. Despite that Akashi has made this about him not opening up to her, her not making the right choice of friends, that this whole thing is a problem because he is doing something he doesn't like, Emerald is convinced that this is her fault.
And yet, she knows the other way around is just as broken a path- lying about Mercury being here, or that she was mad, would make Akashi think she was keeping important things from him, in particular keeping Mercury a secret when he's already jealous of him. Then Emerald would be a liar, and he would leave her because he couldn't trust her.
And yet, the other way she could've changed things would be to let Mercury do as he wanted, say it's fine to mess with Akashi and Mayuzumi and make them jealous for his amusement. Then Emerald was cruel, and she hasn't changed, and she was siding with Mercury and wasn't capable of it, and he would leave her because she didn't stand up for him.
And yet, none of the choices she keeps thinking she could've replaced end differently in her mind, and she doesn't know what to do. They don't change that she either has to apologize for freaking out and getting mad at him when he said he would kill himself as a solution to someone threatening to kill him or he's going to leave her or she's going to lose the only person who will have her back no matter what happens, even if he's rough with her and pisses her off sometimes.
And so she doesn't respond to his last text, because the only thing she can think to do is beg him to forgive her, which is undignified and pathetic and she wouldn't care-- but he would see it for what it was, and leave her, because she wasn't fit to stand by his side if she would do something like that so easily.
She's going to go cry on Mayuzumi if she doesn't get there and Akashi's already there. But there's no answer she can give him today, because there is no right answer. ]