I'm not asking you to restrict- what? I'm asking you not to antagonize my friend, which for you two means avoiding each other. You're not playing a game, this is real life. One which you just threatened to end instead of fighting back because you want to have the last word! To your girlfriend, whose entire goal here is you not dying, you twit!
[ And she hangs up. She'll answer if he calls back but she's just mad now. The fact that he's more concerned about his "movements" than his life when she's practically making herself sick and getting into fights over him and risking her own life because she wants to be with him is making such a flippant declaration infuriating to her and she wants out of this conversation. ]
[ he's not going to call her again. He doesn't understand why she started yelling at him, but he's still going to defend himself. ]
I wasn't saying you're restricting my movements, but I don't like that I have to do it. I already said I'll avoid him when I can. If you'd rather defend "your friend" because I'm clearly the one being antagonising and not him, then I think the two of us need to think about a lot of things about where this relationship is headed. I'm not the one threatening to kill other people here, but it looks like I'm the one at fault. Talk to me when you've made up your mind.
[ He didn't want to have to make Emerald choose between him and Mercury again, but after still calling Mercury her friend after something like that? He's going to have to put his foot down. ]
[ She types up a response. "Stop acting like it's any more OK for you to tell me you're going to kill yourself when I obviously already know what he said isn't OK" She knows she's oversensitive to a lot of things, but that's terrifying to her. She's already angry, and upset, and scared. She tries to go over what just happened in her head, try to figure out what to do. He didn't like it when she wouldn't tell him what Mercury did and he backed off, but he sounded so disappointed in her for not wanting him that she backtracked and told him she needed him. Then he said he wanted to do the opposite of what she asked whether she told him or not, and she panicked and got angrier, then he guilted her for not wanting his protection. When he finally told him, he said he'd rather kill himself. How was she not supposed to panic?! She tried to offer an alternative and he just complained about restricting himself, acting like he hadn't just said something just as bad as what Mercury had.
And he's acting like she's the one in the wrong. If it was about her getting angry, fine, she gets that. She would apologize for that easily. She knows she has a temper, she knows that she's acting really bitchy and getting upset at everything right now, which is why she didn't want to tell him in the first place. She didn't want this to be about her being mad, she just wanted him to be safe and to do that, he needs to stay away from Mercury. She doesn't by any means think Mercury was right- that's why she was so mad in the first place. But she feels like she's told Akashi what he wanted to know when she didn't want to talk about it and already felt like she was drowning, and now he's pushing her head right back under the water and threatening to break up with her when she's not okay with him saying he's going to kill himself.
She deletes her response without sending it. There isn't a right answer.
There's never a right answer when she's the one who makes it, and she doesn't know what to do. Apologize and just do whatever he wants? She'll lose Mercury. Just because he's a jackass doesn't mean that he isn't important to her- it doesn't mean she'll abandon him. Even moreso, the fact that she and Akashi had one argument and he's implying that if she doesn't comply she might lose him means that one wrong move and Mercury really could be the only one she has left again. She can't see Akashi letting her be around Mayuzumi if that's the case. If she tries, Akashi will make Mayuzumi choose. Mayuzumi promised he wouldn't leave her, but so did Akashi. They have each other now. When push comes to shove, she's the one who isn't safe, isn't good enough, makes every wrong choice, doesn't have anything to offer, needs them more than they need her, causes all the problems, doesn't know what she's doing-- he's going to kill himself if he thinks Mercury is going to kill him. Despite that Akashi has made this about him not opening up to her, her not making the right choice of friends, that this whole thing is a problem because he is doing something he doesn't like, Emerald is convinced that this is her fault.
And yet, she knows the other way around is just as broken a path- lying about Mercury being here, or that she was mad, would make Akashi think she was keeping important things from him, in particular keeping Mercury a secret when he's already jealous of him. Then Emerald would be a liar, and he would leave her because he couldn't trust her.
And yet, the other way she could've changed things would be to let Mercury do as he wanted, say it's fine to mess with Akashi and Mayuzumi and make them jealous for his amusement. Then Emerald was cruel, and she hasn't changed, and she was siding with Mercury and wasn't capable of it, and he would leave her because she didn't stand up for him.
And yet, none of the choices she keeps thinking she could've replaced end differently in her mind, and she doesn't know what to do. They don't change that she either has to apologize for freaking out and getting mad at him when he said he would kill himself as a solution to someone threatening to kill him or he's going to leave her or she's going to lose the only person who will have her back no matter what happens, even if he's rough with her and pisses her off sometimes.
And so she doesn't respond to his last text, because the only thing she can think to do is beg him to forgive her, which is undignified and pathetic and she wouldn't care-- but he would see it for what it was, and leave her, because she wasn't fit to stand by his side if she would do something like that so easily.
She's going to go cry on Mayuzumi if she doesn't get there and Akashi's already there. But there's no answer she can give him today, because there is no right answer. ]
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[ And she hangs up. She'll answer if he calls back but she's just mad now. The fact that he's more concerned about his "movements" than his life when she's practically making herself sick and getting into fights over him and risking her own life because she wants to be with him is making such a flippant declaration infuriating to her and she wants out of this conversation. ]
no subject
I wasn't saying you're restricting my movements, but I don't like that I have to do it. I already said I'll avoid him when I can. If you'd rather defend "your friend" because I'm clearly the one being antagonising and not him, then I think the two of us need to think about a lot of things about where this relationship is headed. I'm not the one threatening to kill other people here, but it looks like I'm the one at fault. Talk to me when you've made up your mind.
[ He didn't want to have to make Emerald choose between him and Mercury again, but after still calling Mercury her friend after something like that? He's going to have to put his foot down. ]
no subject
And he's acting like she's the one in the wrong. If it was about her getting angry, fine, she gets that. She would apologize for that easily. She knows she has a temper, she knows that she's acting really bitchy and getting upset at everything right now, which is why she didn't want to tell him in the first place. She didn't want this to be about her being mad, she just wanted him to be safe and to do that, he needs to stay away from Mercury. She doesn't by any means think Mercury was right- that's why she was so mad in the first place. But she feels like she's told Akashi what he wanted to know when she didn't want to talk about it and already felt like she was drowning, and now he's pushing her head right back under the water and threatening to break up with her when she's not okay with him saying he's going to kill himself.
She deletes her response without sending it. There isn't a right answer.
There's never a right answer when she's the one who makes it, and she doesn't know what to do. Apologize and just do whatever he wants? She'll lose Mercury. Just because he's a jackass doesn't mean that he isn't important to her- it doesn't mean she'll abandon him. Even moreso, the fact that she and Akashi had one argument and he's implying that if she doesn't comply she might lose him means that one wrong move and Mercury really could be the only one she has left again. She can't see Akashi letting her be around Mayuzumi if that's the case. If she tries, Akashi will make Mayuzumi choose. Mayuzumi promised he wouldn't leave her, but so did Akashi. They have each other now. When push comes to shove, she's the one who isn't safe, isn't good enough, makes every wrong choice, doesn't have anything to offer, needs them more than they need her, causes all the problems, doesn't know what she's doing-- he's going to kill himself if he thinks Mercury is going to kill him. Despite that Akashi has made this about him not opening up to her, her not making the right choice of friends, that this whole thing is a problem because he is doing something he doesn't like, Emerald is convinced that this is her fault.
And yet, she knows the other way around is just as broken a path- lying about Mercury being here, or that she was mad, would make Akashi think she was keeping important things from him, in particular keeping Mercury a secret when he's already jealous of him. Then Emerald would be a liar, and he would leave her because he couldn't trust her.
And yet, the other way she could've changed things would be to let Mercury do as he wanted, say it's fine to mess with Akashi and Mayuzumi and make them jealous for his amusement. Then Emerald was cruel, and she hasn't changed, and she was siding with Mercury and wasn't capable of it, and he would leave her because she didn't stand up for him.
And yet, none of the choices she keeps thinking she could've replaced end differently in her mind, and she doesn't know what to do. They don't change that she either has to apologize for freaking out and getting mad at him when he said he would kill himself as a solution to someone threatening to kill him or he's going to leave her or she's going to lose the only person who will have her back no matter what happens, even if he's rough with her and pisses her off sometimes.
And so she doesn't respond to his last text, because the only thing she can think to do is beg him to forgive her, which is undignified and pathetic and she wouldn't care-- but he would see it for what it was, and leave her, because she wasn't fit to stand by his side if she would do something like that so easily.
She's going to go cry on Mayuzumi if she doesn't get there and Akashi's already there. But there's no answer she can give him today, because there is no right answer. ]