[ Midorima watches the smile carefully, as if he's trying to observe. But he's not very good with emotions, so he has to just trust what Akashi's saying. He doubts Akashi would lie about how he's feeling anyway. ]
We can take turns hosting visits.
[ So next time, Akashi can come to Midorima's and he'll have like. A prepared meal and stuff. It's nowhere near as often as lunch at school each day, but it's definitely more than they've had since middle school. It'll be good to get to know each other again. ]
That's fine with me. I'll start putting it in my day planner.
[ He will book each day of each week for Midorima!! :) They can do whatever, whether it's just talking or playing basketball or playing shogi. . . honestly, Akashi's open to a lot of things. He's not that picky so long as he can hang out with a friend. ]
Have you got anything to share with me?
[ A story, perhaps, or a problem, or something. He's told Midorima about him and Mayuzumi, but he knows Midorima's not here to listen to unprompted stories. ]
[ It sounds like something simple to say but for Midorima it's big. Bigger than her knows how to make sense of. ]
I don't have a relationship like you do, but there are people I.. make more chroma with than others. There is no opportunity for them to mean anything that I would want them to.
[ Midorima doesn't feel like himself, having to agree that his relationships cannot be serious if he wants to be close to anyone. Akashi can manage a pained smile, Midorima just feels like the only way to be with the people he likes is to change himself. ]
[ It's taken a minute or two, but Akashi finally makes his move. ]
What do you mean?
[ Honestly, he's a little surprised that Midorima's even willing to moonlace lots, but... He's also been here longer. Akashi has to realise that this isn't the Midorima he knows. ]
[ "Lots" might be an overstatement. Enough that he's not in dire straits any more is more like it. ]
There are three people I am willing to moonlace with. One is my roommate, with whom I happened to wake up to one day. [ But it broke the ice and he doesn't dislike Tsumugi so he would be willing to do it again. ] The other two are more complicated. One is dying without a cure. He has no intention of engaging in a serious relationship. I think he pities me that I'm only capable of being serious, even if I understand that and still chose to be with him. The other I like as a person, but we've done nothing more than kiss and I don't feel I could ask anyone here to focus only on me as a means of survival, especially not her.
[ He stays quiet for a moment, staring at the board before making a move. Akashi's move didn't interfere with the one he wanted to make next, so it doesn't take him too long to make it. Hopefully it isn't a mistake. ]
In other words, there is no path to what I want. It's frustrating.
[ Midorima has Akashi's full attention now. So even as he holds a piece and knows how to play it already, he keeps it to himself first. ]
As a means of survival, no. [ He recalls having been scared of telling Emerald that Kise carried him because he was out of Chroma. He didn't want Emerald to be angry or jealous. He'd still hold hands with anyone though, if they need it. ] No, I don't think so, but do you think moonlacing with someone you like would be the same when you moonlace with someone you don't like?
It's very different, Midorima. Not that I've experienced the latter explicitly, but when Murasakibara had wrapped his arms around me, it didn't feel the same as when Emerald did.
The sentimentality and its meaning when Emerald embraces me haven't changed.
This place does make things complicated... and I understand why it's frustrating, but being able to be comfortable with this people should help you.
[ A pause, then he plays his move. ]
Do you openly talk to these people about how you feel?
I'm aware it's different. Your relationship with her was built in that other world, though, in which the both of you were able to build your relationship in a different culture than the one here.
[ He pushes his glasses up, leaning back in the seat as he considers his next move. This one's going to require more thought. ]
It isn't as if I'm just frivolously doing things with people I dislike or have no desire to be around.
[ That probably answers how clearly he's able to talk about his feelings, too. He cares for them. ]
You're in a very unique situation in which your girlfriend appears to be completely comfortable being soulbound or coming to another world with you, Akashi. [ At least he assumes. Surely Akashi wouldn't have started asking about that without her permission. ] And Mayuzumi is already in your world. Schnee and Tenshouin can't abandon their lives and neither can I.
Is that a conversation you've had with those people, Midorima?
[ Hm, no... This isn't a good way to start his point. He backtracks. ]
I think we're going a little out of order here. I wouldn't ask someone to come with me back to Japan if we aren't in a relationship yet. But as you say, you are frustrated that you care about these people, but them moonlacing solely with you isn't something you can ask of them.
You also didn't answer my question.
[ He's not trying to give Midorima hope or anything, but he does want to push Midorima to talk to these people. Tenshouin, he doesn't know very well. They've only met once; he thinks Eichi is a very nice person. Schnee, if it's the right Schnee that he's thinking of... ]
I speak to them about some things. Tenshouin is similar to you in many ways, so it's easier to speak to him about certain things, but he also thinks my seriousness means I'm to be pitied if I were to become serious about him.
[ He doesn't really want to talk about what some of those things they've discussed are. There are some complicated feelings he's shared about Akashi with Eichi, after all. ]
Schnee is different. I want to spend time with both of them, but with her I don't want to rush forward and I don't want her to think that I'm doing anything I do for chroma. She takes an interest in my lucky items and puts effort into what she does, sometimes to level that impress even me.
[ But he's always been able to trust Akashi, which is why he brings it up now. He came over because he missed spending time with him, but now he finds it's easier to share with him some of the things that have been on his mind. Certainly easier to share than with the people themselves. ]
Yes, her, not the older sister. Do you know her?
[ His mind is certainly off the game now, as he looks away from the board and up to Akashi. He'll make his move once his mind isn't going over conversations and feelings. ]
No, not personally. Someone close to me has just mentioned her before too, that's all.
[ Someone who is right across him and spoke to him in another world, anyway. ]
Those are complicated situations to be in, though. Even I wouldn't know what to do... and even if I did, I think I may end up doing or saying the wrong thing. [ He isn't looking at Midorima now, but his smile doesn't disappear. His eyes reveal hints of sadness, though.
While Akashi's done sulking over what happened recently between him and Emerald, he's also regretting everything he's done because he hurt her. He hurt Mayuzumi, too. He needs to do better. ]
But I'm also not you. I wouldn't appreciate being pitied at all, but I also don't see anything wrong with caring about a person whom you've grown to be fond of. It's natural, isn't it?
As for Weiss, she's from the same world as Emerald. While I don't know what her story is, I'm sure she's someone you can work with with whatever your concerns might be.
It's not like you to lack confidence in your choices.
[ He agrees with the rest, though. As much as he would like for this whole thing to be less complicated, it isn't. It won't and can't be. The only solution here is that he has to talk to both Tenshouin and Schnee and figure out what he is to them before he can even think about what it is he wants from them in a place like this, where what Midorima would normally consider a normal relationship seems impossible anyway.
He finally falls quiet and makes his move. He'll let Akashi choose whether or not he wants to elaborate on why he may lack confidence. His own complicated situation.. there isn't much else to say. ]
[ Akashi got the message. He's lost once. His other personality said that he wasn't supposed to exist - the one who proclaimed he was absolute in the first place. Now, Akashi's just... him. No voices in his head. He may still have issues with regards to making mistakes or being wrong, but he's working on them. Admitting that he's not perfect happens to be one of the ways that he thinks he should do to heal. ]
And let's just say I've made some rash decisions the past month.
[ He did say last month was stressful. He means it. ]
[ Being absolute and lacking confidence are very different things, Midorima thinks, but the second part of Akashi's statement addresses the issue more thoroughly. Rather than thinking he's always right, he's made a real mistake. It's only human. ]
In your relationship?
[ Since that's what they're talking about. ]
That's none of my business if you don't want to answer. [ He recognizes that. Akashi can keep that to himself and not feel bad about not sharing, for sure. ]
[ That's as much as he's willing to share. Akashi doesn't want to elaborate further his recent mistakes. As open as he is about a lot of other things, this one, he'd like to keep to himself.
But he also promises to himself that he won't bottle things up to the point that he can't physically and mentally can't take it anymore. ]
I truly wish I could be helpful, but I think it's those people close to you who can actually help you with what you want. If it's enough, I'm always here to listen.
[ Midorima respects that. He also understands that he hasn't exactly earned friendship status simply because he put in the effort to come over. But he also isn't good at any of this relationship stuff, so he doesn't need to be that for Akashi anyway.
But he wants Akashi to know that there's an ear if he needs it, so it's important to ask. Maybe if he had insisted that Akashi speak to him more in middle school, things could have gone differently. There are a lot of mistakes Midorima doesn't know how to fix, but he wants to try at least not closing himself off as much. It's something he has to work on with everyone and has really only managed to improve with his team, none of which are here. ]
The same for you, even if I don't have much insight when it comes to certain things.
[ It does mean a lot, even if it's just an offer like that. Akashi's changing and learning from his mistakes. He wants to be given a chance to fix things, to build actual relationships with his friends now that he's himself again. Midorima's providing him a key to that door. It's exciting.
Finally, Akashi makes his move, putting Midorima in a corner. He doesn't say anything about it, though. ]
[ Unlike in middle school, Midorima actively chooses to keep making moves instead of giving up, even if he doesn't see a way out of this corner. Even if he loses, he may learn something new. Giving up before the last second had been a mistake he'd made in middle school- not now.
Though inevitably, in the next few turns, he does end up losing. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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We can take turns hosting visits.
[ So next time, Akashi can come to Midorima's and he'll have like. A prepared meal and stuff. It's nowhere near as often as lunch at school each day, but it's definitely more than they've had since middle school. It'll be good to get to know each other again. ]
This day and time is fine for me.
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[ He will book each day of each week for Midorima!! :) They can do whatever, whether it's just talking or playing basketball or playing shogi. . . honestly, Akashi's open to a lot of things. He's not that picky so long as he can hang out with a friend. ]
Have you got anything to share with me?
[ A story, perhaps, or a problem, or something. He's told Midorima about him and Mayuzumi, but he knows Midorima's not here to listen to unprompted stories. ]
no subject
[ It sounds like something simple to say but for Midorima it's big. Bigger than her knows how to make sense of. ]
I don't have a relationship like you do, but there are people I.. make more chroma with than others. There is no opportunity for them to mean anything that I would want them to.
[ Midorima doesn't feel like himself, having to agree that his relationships cannot be serious if he wants to be close to anyone. Akashi can manage a pained smile, Midorima just feels like the only way to be with the people he likes is to change himself. ]
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What do you mean?
[ Honestly, he's a little surprised that Midorima's even willing to moonlace lots, but... He's also been here longer. Akashi has to realise that this isn't the Midorima he knows. ]
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There are three people I am willing to moonlace with. One is my roommate, with whom I happened to wake up to one day. [ But it broke the ice and he doesn't dislike Tsumugi so he would be willing to do it again. ] The other two are more complicated. One is dying without a cure. He has no intention of engaging in a serious relationship. I think he pities me that I'm only capable of being serious, even if I understand that and still chose to be with him. The other I like as a person, but we've done nothing more than kiss and I don't feel I could ask anyone here to focus only on me as a means of survival, especially not her.
[ He stays quiet for a moment, staring at the board before making a move. Akashi's move didn't interfere with the one he wanted to make next, so it doesn't take him too long to make it. Hopefully it isn't a mistake. ]
In other words, there is no path to what I want. It's frustrating.
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As a means of survival, no. [ He recalls having been scared of telling Emerald that Kise carried him because he was out of Chroma. He didn't want Emerald to be angry or jealous. He'd still hold hands with anyone though, if they need it. ] No, I don't think so, but do you think moonlacing with someone you like would be the same when you moonlace with someone you don't like?
It's very different, Midorima. Not that I've experienced the latter explicitly, but when Murasakibara had wrapped his arms around me, it didn't feel the same as when Emerald did.
The sentimentality and its meaning when Emerald embraces me haven't changed.
This place does make things complicated... and I understand why it's frustrating, but being able to be comfortable with this people should help you.
[ A pause, then he plays his move. ]
Do you openly talk to these people about how you feel?
no subject
[ He pushes his glasses up, leaning back in the seat as he considers his next move. This one's going to require more thought. ]
It isn't as if I'm just frivolously doing things with people I dislike or have no desire to be around.
[ That probably answers how clearly he's able to talk about his feelings, too. He cares for them. ]
You're in a very unique situation in which your girlfriend appears to be completely comfortable being soulbound or coming to another world with you, Akashi. [ At least he assumes. Surely Akashi wouldn't have started asking about that without her permission. ] And Mayuzumi is already in your world. Schnee and Tenshouin can't abandon their lives and neither can I.
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[ Hm, no... This isn't a good way to start his point. He backtracks. ]
I think we're going a little out of order here. I wouldn't ask someone to come with me back to Japan if we aren't in a relationship yet. But as you say, you are frustrated that you care about these people, but them moonlacing solely with you isn't something you can ask of them.
You also didn't answer my question.
[ He's not trying to give Midorima hope or anything, but he does want to push Midorima to talk to these people. Tenshouin, he doesn't know very well. They've only met once; he thinks Eichi is a very nice person. Schnee, if it's the right Schnee that he's thinking of... ]
This Schnee you mentioned - is she Weiss Schnee?
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[ He doesn't really want to talk about what some of those things they've discussed are. There are some complicated feelings he's shared about Akashi with Eichi, after all. ]
Schnee is different. I want to spend time with both of them, but with her I don't want to rush forward and I don't want her to think that I'm doing anything I do for chroma. She takes an interest in my lucky items and puts effort into what she does, sometimes to level that impress even me.
[ But he's always been able to trust Akashi, which is why he brings it up now. He came over because he missed spending time with him, but now he finds it's easier to share with him some of the things that have been on his mind. Certainly easier to share than with the people themselves. ]
Yes, her, not the older sister. Do you know her?
[ His mind is certainly off the game now, as he looks away from the board and up to Akashi. He'll make his move once his mind isn't going over conversations and feelings. ]
no subject
[ Someone who is right across him and spoke to him in another world, anyway. ]
Those are complicated situations to be in, though. Even I wouldn't know what to do... and even if I did, I think I may end up doing or saying the wrong thing. [ He isn't looking at Midorima now, but his smile doesn't disappear. His eyes reveal hints of sadness, though.
While Akashi's done sulking over what happened recently between him and Emerald, he's also regretting everything he's done because he hurt her. He hurt Mayuzumi, too. He needs to do better. ]
But I'm also not you. I wouldn't appreciate being pitied at all, but I also don't see anything wrong with caring about a person whom you've grown to be fond of. It's natural, isn't it?
As for Weiss, she's from the same world as Emerald. While I don't know what her story is, I'm sure she's someone you can work with with whatever your concerns might be.
no subject
[ He agrees with the rest, though. As much as he would like for this whole thing to be less complicated, it isn't. It won't and can't be. The only solution here is that he has to talk to both Tenshouin and Schnee and figure out what he is to them before he can even think about what it is he wants from them in a place like this, where what Midorima would normally consider a normal relationship seems impossible anyway.
He finally falls quiet and makes his move. He'll let Akashi choose whether or not he wants to elaborate on why he may lack confidence. His own complicated situation.. there isn't much else to say. ]
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[ Akashi got the message. He's lost once. His other personality said that he wasn't supposed to exist - the one who proclaimed he was absolute in the first place. Now, Akashi's just... him. No voices in his head. He may still have issues with regards to making mistakes or being wrong, but he's working on them. Admitting that he's not perfect happens to be one of the ways that he thinks he should do to heal. ]
And let's just say I've made some rash decisions the past month.
[ He did say last month was stressful. He means it. ]
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In your relationship?
[ Since that's what they're talking about. ]
That's none of my business if you don't want to answer. [ He recognizes that. Akashi can keep that to himself and not feel bad about not sharing, for sure. ]
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[ That's as much as he's willing to share. Akashi doesn't want to elaborate further his recent mistakes. As open as he is about a lot of other things, this one, he'd like to keep to himself.
But he also promises to himself that he won't bottle things up to the point that he can't physically and mentally can't take it anymore. ]
I truly wish I could be helpful, but I think it's those people close to you who can actually help you with what you want. If it's enough, I'm always here to listen.
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But he wants Akashi to know that there's an ear if he needs it, so it's important to ask. Maybe if he had insisted that Akashi speak to him more in middle school, things could have gone differently. There are a lot of mistakes Midorima doesn't know how to fix, but he wants to try at least not closing himself off as much. It's something he has to work on with everyone and has really only managed to improve with his team, none of which are here. ]
The same for you, even if I don't have much insight when it comes to certain things.
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[ It does mean a lot, even if it's just an offer like that. Akashi's changing and learning from his mistakes. He wants to be given a chance to fix things, to build actual relationships with his friends now that he's himself again. Midorima's providing him a key to that door. It's exciting.
Finally, Akashi makes his move, putting Midorima in a corner. He doesn't say anything about it, though. ]
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Though inevitably, in the next few turns, he does end up losing. ]
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[ Because it was! He also got to know Midorima better in the process. The bonus was great. ]
Do you want to play again?
no subject
I want to try again.