[ Look how caring he is. He's like a mom. A momfriend. Emerald keeps saying she has two boyfriends but the reality is that he has one mom and... that's it? (Mayuzumi, who?) ]
[ She pauses. If he's gonna keep saying no to doing stuff she wants, she's just gonna be mean in a different way. She puts her finger over her lips as if she's thinking, pulling down just slightly on her lower lip so that it parts down slightly before she speaks. ]
In fact, it's for your benefit that you practice putting things in my mouth without me sitting up properly. I mean, if I choke on something as small as a mochi...
[ Akashi looks at her as if she just said something absurd. Seconds later, he realises what she means, and he places a hand over her eyes so she doesn't have to see how embarrassing that was???? What the fuck, Emerald... ]
[ Embarrassing Akashi is so much fun. She can't wait to tell Mayuzumi how cute he gets when he is. ]
If I die, it'll be in your arms so I won't have any complaints.
[ She's being dramatic, of course. If something kills her, it's not going to be mochi and Akashi probably is fully trained in first aid and CPR and the Heimlich and the ancient art of Japanese no-chokey no jutsu. So she opens her mouth. ]
[ She listens to him, biting into the plush little sweet to take the small bite. She got what she wanted finally, she'll listen to however he wants to do it. She even makes sure to chew it extra so that he knows she's for sure chewed it long enough before she swallows, then opens her mouth to show him it's gone. ]
[ He doesn't have to explain that to Emerald-- she knows how it feels when you're not comfortable doing something and that it doesn't mean you don't like the person who asked you to do it.
Have you ever felt happiness because I was happy, Emerald?
[ He asks not because he's testing her or anything, but... it's such a nice thing for her to say, that's all. Once she's back on his lap, he fixes her hair, running two fingers through mint green strands gently. ]
[ Most people would probably be embarrassed to answer such a question. But Emerald has entered that phase with Akashi where what he wants is most important to her and making him happy is.. well. ]
Making you happy makes me happier than anything else.
[ That doesn't answer his question. At least, it's not an answer Akashi's content with. He wants her to be happy because it makes her heart swell and there's this weird feeling in her chest, not because he's the one feeling it. ]
[ That's the problem- she actually, genuinely does feel happiness when he does. It's probably a little different than what he means, but there aren't many things that Emerald finds happiness in. There are things she likes- like reading and taking care of her plants- but nothing that she's really passionate about except for seeing the people she loves. Cinder, Akashi, and Mayuzumi make her happier to see than anyone else.
Emerald stays quiet for a moment while she thinks, nuzzling her head against his hand where it was in her hair as she turns her eyes to his face. ]
I don't know how to describe it. Warm. Safe. Excited. It's like there's a swelling in my chest, but in a good way. But also like I did something right, so it's rewarding. I like doing it.
[ Does that help? She has no idea that part of what she's explaining is probably odd, like safe and rewarding-- but the only person she's felt happy for before was Cinder, who intentionally played on her feelings to make sure that she knew that pleasing her was the only way to behave. Displeasing her couldn't happen. Disobeying her couldn't happen. Cinder's happiness was the goal and she couldn't disappoint her. It's very different with Akashi- she feels happiness not because he asked for it, but because she really does love him for more than just desperation for family. It's a completely different matter, but she can't skate what's been ingrained into her behaviors. Him being happy makes her feel safe and it makes her feel like she's done well no matter how different it is. ]
[ Ah. That answer surprises him some. He hadn't expected his happiness to literally bring her joy...
It's questionable. He hopes that she would one day feel happiness for herself due to other things. Success, getting what you want—or perhaps Akashi's definition of happiness is just so different. They truly are worlds apart, but in some ways, so similar to one another. ]
Do you remember last year, when we were eating, as well? I said that the two of us are similar to one another, and you disagreed.
[ It isn't as if she suddenly thought they were similar. They're really, really different. But unlike last year, she doesn't think it's an obstacle. Emerald looks up at him, reaching up to flick his bangs. She doesn't mean physically when she says this next, even if it's true in that sense too. ]
I think it's more like complementing colors now though.
Complementing colours... [ Akashi repeats the words as he thinks about them. He supposes there's truth in that. What he has, she doesn't. What she has, he doesn't. They learn from each other—they've learned from each other, and there's so much meaning in that.
The air around them grows warmer, but not too warm that it hurts. It's loving, much like the way Akashi strokes Emerald's hair, massaging her scalp ever so subtly. His smile is sunny and bright, but not too bright that it blinds. He's happy because of her. ]
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[ Look how caring he is. He's like a mom. A momfriend. Emerald keeps saying she has two boyfriends but the reality is that he has one mom and... that's it? (Mayuzumi, who?) ]
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[ She pauses. If he's gonna keep saying no to doing stuff she wants, she's just gonna be mean in a different way. She puts her finger over her lips as if she's thinking, pulling down just slightly on her lower lip so that it parts down slightly before she speaks. ]
In fact, it's for your benefit that you practice putting things in my mouth without me sitting up properly. I mean, if I choke on something as small as a mochi...
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Perhaps... you should start eating more bananas.
[ That took a lot of courage to blurt out. ]
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Are you going to feed them to me or just watch?
[ She's reaching up to try to pull his hand down so she can peek at his face. ]
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He takes his hand off her and reaches for the mochi plate. ]
If you choke, don't say I didn't warn you.
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If I die, it'll be in your arms so I won't have any complaints.
[ She's being dramatic, of course. If something kills her, it's not going to be mochi and Akashi probably is fully trained in first aid and CPR and the Heimlich and the ancient art of Japanese no-chokey no jutsu. So she opens her mouth. ]
Ahhh.
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Bite.
[ He's not gonna make her choke, so small bites!!!!! ]
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See? Still breathing.
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[ You don't have to act all vindicated, Em!! Gosh. Once Emerald's swallowed half of the mochi, he offers the other half. ]
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[ She says it before she takes the second half into her mouth, leaning to so she can suck the starch off of his fingers too.
..Though not particularly well, she really just got it wet and sticky. Oops. ]
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Do you want more?
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[ She'll feed him too! Or lay here and let him feed him if that's not what he wants. ]
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[ Guess who's never been fed before... This will be a first, and one that Akashi doesn't particularly find comfortable. ]
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[ She sits up finally, moving to sit on her knees at his side and reaching for a mochi to hold it out to him. He can take it or bite it. ]
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[ Then, he takes the piece of mochi and takes a bite. Once swallowed, he explains himself: ]
It's nothing against you. I would prefer to do it than be the one it's being done to.
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[ He doesn't have to explain that to Emerald-- she knows how it feels when you're not comfortable doing something and that it doesn't mean you don't like the person who asked you to do it.
She goes to take a sip of coffee instead. ]
I like it better the other way around anyway.
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[ He's teasing.. but he also wants to know why. ]
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[ she leans back, sitting on her feet and setting the coffee back down before she lays back down on his lap. ]
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[ He asks not because he's testing her or anything, but... it's such a nice thing for her to say, that's all. Once she's back on his lap, he fixes her hair, running two fingers through mint green strands gently. ]
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Making you happy makes me happier than anything else.
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What do you feel when that happens?
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Emerald stays quiet for a moment while she thinks, nuzzling her head against his hand where it was in her hair as she turns her eyes to his face. ]
I don't know how to describe it. Warm. Safe. Excited. It's like there's a swelling in my chest, but in a good way. But also like I did something right, so it's rewarding. I like doing it.
[ Does that help? She has no idea that part of what she's explaining is probably odd, like safe and rewarding-- but the only person she's felt happy for before was Cinder, who intentionally played on her feelings to make sure that she knew that pleasing her was the only way to behave. Displeasing her couldn't happen. Disobeying her couldn't happen. Cinder's happiness was the goal and she couldn't disappoint her. It's very different with Akashi- she feels happiness not because he asked for it, but because she really does love him for more than just desperation for family. It's a completely different matter, but she can't skate what's been ingrained into her behaviors. Him being happy makes her feel safe and it makes her feel like she's done well no matter how different it is. ]
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It's questionable. He hopes that she would one day feel happiness for herself due to other things. Success, getting what you want—or perhaps Akashi's definition of happiness is just so different. They truly are worlds apart, but in some ways, so similar to one another. ]
Do you remember last year, when we were eating, as well? I said that the two of us are similar to one another, and you disagreed.
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[ It isn't as if she suddenly thought they were similar. They're really, really different. But unlike last year, she doesn't think it's an obstacle. Emerald looks up at him, reaching up to flick his bangs. She doesn't mean physically when she says this next, even if it's true in that sense too. ]
I think it's more like complementing colors now though.
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The air around them grows warmer, but not too warm that it hurts. It's loving, much like the way Akashi strokes Emerald's hair, massaging her scalp ever so subtly. His smile is sunny and bright, but not too bright that it blinds. He's happy because of her. ]
I'm glad I met you, Emerald.
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