[ That doesn't answer his question. At least, it's not an answer Akashi's content with. He wants her to be happy because it makes her heart swell and there's this weird feeling in her chest, not because he's the one feeling it. ]
[ That's the problem- she actually, genuinely does feel happiness when he does. It's probably a little different than what he means, but there aren't many things that Emerald finds happiness in. There are things she likes- like reading and taking care of her plants- but nothing that she's really passionate about except for seeing the people she loves. Cinder, Akashi, and Mayuzumi make her happier to see than anyone else.
Emerald stays quiet for a moment while she thinks, nuzzling her head against his hand where it was in her hair as she turns her eyes to his face. ]
I don't know how to describe it. Warm. Safe. Excited. It's like there's a swelling in my chest, but in a good way. But also like I did something right, so it's rewarding. I like doing it.
[ Does that help? She has no idea that part of what she's explaining is probably odd, like safe and rewarding-- but the only person she's felt happy for before was Cinder, who intentionally played on her feelings to make sure that she knew that pleasing her was the only way to behave. Displeasing her couldn't happen. Disobeying her couldn't happen. Cinder's happiness was the goal and she couldn't disappoint her. It's very different with Akashi- she feels happiness not because he asked for it, but because she really does love him for more than just desperation for family. It's a completely different matter, but she can't skate what's been ingrained into her behaviors. Him being happy makes her feel safe and it makes her feel like she's done well no matter how different it is. ]
[ Ah. That answer surprises him some. He hadn't expected his happiness to literally bring her joy...
It's questionable. He hopes that she would one day feel happiness for herself due to other things. Success, getting what you want—or perhaps Akashi's definition of happiness is just so different. They truly are worlds apart, but in some ways, so similar to one another. ]
Do you remember last year, when we were eating, as well? I said that the two of us are similar to one another, and you disagreed.
[ It isn't as if she suddenly thought they were similar. They're really, really different. But unlike last year, she doesn't think it's an obstacle. Emerald looks up at him, reaching up to flick his bangs. She doesn't mean physically when she says this next, even if it's true in that sense too. ]
I think it's more like complementing colors now though.
Complementing colours... [ Akashi repeats the words as he thinks about them. He supposes there's truth in that. What he has, she doesn't. What she has, he doesn't. They learn from each other—they've learned from each other, and there's so much meaning in that.
The air around them grows warmer, but not too warm that it hurts. It's loving, much like the way Akashi strokes Emerald's hair, massaging her scalp ever so subtly. His smile is sunny and bright, but not too bright that it blinds. He's happy because of her. ]
[ She is too, in ways that she doesn't even know how to express. The field around them is starting to pop up with little dandelion puffs before she can even respond verbally. She probably doesn't need to say it, but she does anyway, closing her eyes and smiling at him as she enjoys the warmth. She's pretty sure she could fall asleep on his lap like this.. ]
[ The two of them are supposed to be eating and enjoying snacks together, but this is also just as nice. It's peaceful in their little world, with barely any distractions. Akashi can't even think about the situation they're in now with Mayuzumi. Not that he thinks ill of it, but it's still something he needs to get used to. Especially right now when Emerald is the only person he sees. He's completely forgotten that there's somebody else in the picture. ]
[ Hey, they both had a bite of snacks and some coffee. It counts for the 'tradition' that Emerald's decided is theirs-- for lack of tradition in any other sense of her life, she wants this no matter what form it comes in. Tradition is something with a promise that it will return. The fact that Akashi agreed is like a promise that there will be another year and it means the world to her. What's been done is more than enough. She's happy, content, worn out, affectionate, and the warmth that he's emanating both through his emotions and his general existence in relation to her are enough to actually make Emerald relax. He doesn't give her a verbal response, and if he doesn't interrupt her any time soon, Emerald will fall asleep in his lap, comfortable where she is. ]
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What do you feel when that happens?
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Emerald stays quiet for a moment while she thinks, nuzzling her head against his hand where it was in her hair as she turns her eyes to his face. ]
I don't know how to describe it. Warm. Safe. Excited. It's like there's a swelling in my chest, but in a good way. But also like I did something right, so it's rewarding. I like doing it.
[ Does that help? She has no idea that part of what she's explaining is probably odd, like safe and rewarding-- but the only person she's felt happy for before was Cinder, who intentionally played on her feelings to make sure that she knew that pleasing her was the only way to behave. Displeasing her couldn't happen. Disobeying her couldn't happen. Cinder's happiness was the goal and she couldn't disappoint her. It's very different with Akashi- she feels happiness not because he asked for it, but because she really does love him for more than just desperation for family. It's a completely different matter, but she can't skate what's been ingrained into her behaviors. Him being happy makes her feel safe and it makes her feel like she's done well no matter how different it is. ]
no subject
It's questionable. He hopes that she would one day feel happiness for herself due to other things. Success, getting what you want—or perhaps Akashi's definition of happiness is just so different. They truly are worlds apart, but in some ways, so similar to one another. ]
Do you remember last year, when we were eating, as well? I said that the two of us are similar to one another, and you disagreed.
no subject
[ It isn't as if she suddenly thought they were similar. They're really, really different. But unlike last year, she doesn't think it's an obstacle. Emerald looks up at him, reaching up to flick his bangs. She doesn't mean physically when she says this next, even if it's true in that sense too. ]
I think it's more like complementing colors now though.
no subject
The air around them grows warmer, but not too warm that it hurts. It's loving, much like the way Akashi strokes Emerald's hair, massaging her scalp ever so subtly. His smile is sunny and bright, but not too bright that it blinds. He's happy because of her. ]
I'm glad I met you, Emerald.
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Me too.
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